HELP! Advice for an ailing friend!!!?

Her emotionally and verbally abusive husband of 22 years has siphoned off all the equity from the house, found a girlfriend and wants to dump my friend with half the marital debt (from loans he has taken out lately). After being a stay-at-home housewife for all those years, she went back to PT work and earns $150 a week from which she pays for her own food and expenses. He even demands rent, etc. Now that he has a girlfriend, he wants her gone. She is so incapable of doing anything for herself except for showing up for a simple grocery store job and is nearing breakdown. He says he will not pay alimony or give her half the pension (which he can't do by law, I know) and he wants to go through mediation to have her agree. She is so fearful she will do it. She mentioned thoughts of suicide.

How can I help prevent her from being thrown on the streets with nothing? How can I help her?

By the way, we have documentation of his anger problems (he broke a co-worker's jaw, his meds, etc.)

11 Answers

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  • Anna M
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The only positive move she has made is to go to work.........

    Otherwise she is allowing this asshole to dictate her emotions. I can see where 22 years of dependence can cause her to feel alarmed, frightened or even uncertain. But believe me "he" isn't in charge of ****! They are married, and she has every bit of right to remain in the home until a divorce decree says otherwise!

    Under the same provisions as she is accustomed to.

    I tried for 2 years to remove my husband from our home due to domestic violence? It is a "marrital" home and he can not be removed or asked to leave simply because "I" want him out. (same applies to your friend) We had a huge domestic situation, the police was called, I was asked to stay over-night with relatives because HE stated he had no where to go. I came back, refusing to give up the home.......another fight and he hit me, he ran, and has never come back in 2 years.

    She does not have to roll over and take it! She will have to find the fortitude to stand up and say NO!

    Divorce is inevitable for them. It may get nasty, it may get painful. But it will end in her favor. He has committed adultry, spousal abuse, shown a preponderance for violence.

    The home might be court ordered to be sold and the money 50/50, debts will be burdened by the one able to pay them. So your friends little grocery store job will be most helpful in providing her inability to assume mutual debts gained during a marriage that was financially secured by HIM.

    She has more on her side than either of you think.........alimony and a portion of his pension will be issues that should favor her marrital labor for 22 years.

    He doesn't have a freaking leg to stand on......much less make demands from her to pay rent!

    Tell him to get a good lawyer.....see you in court!

  • 1 decade ago

    It's as simple as this, this is a matter of her "survival"! She has no choice but to go to a divorce attorney. And there's no way she is entitled to less than half of everything. She will not be homeless, but she must take action immediately. It is a cut and dry case, an attorney will help her step by step. But she will have to want the help, and seek it out. Also for your information, a good divorce attorney representing her will demand no money from her, but charge the bill to her husband, that is a law to protect her. There are special women's organizations set out to help people just like her.

  • 1 decade ago

    Be there to support her and that these feelings will pass- but it is rough going through it- and that she is entitlesd to half his assetts -- and she should also collect alimony - and child support - if there are minor children- and don't forget his retirement and social security- she is so entitled --and she does not have to pay him rent- forget that!! Tell her to stand her ground and not give into his whims= and when she gets a lawyer- have him be ordered to pay the fees- she needs lots of emotional support more than anything- and lots of prayer - and if she is so down maybe antidepressant for short term- take care- D

  • 1 decade ago

    I advise she go and talk to a lawyer. First of all, if he has a girlfriend, that is infidelity. Also from what I understand, if he "made" her stay at home without working she can get alimony, once again that goes back to talking to a lawyer. Be there for her when she needs to talk. She can do this. Its hard to adjust, when your use to a certain type of life. I am divorced and it devestated me. I went from living in a home without rent to having to make my paycheck stretch to cover all my bills, had my vehical taken away by my in laws (because it was in my exhusbands name) and try to keep my head above water with my three kids. (who were 1,2,5) A lawyer can help her get the things she needs from him. Also if they have any young children (living at home) she could even get the house, car ect. She could also go through Family and Children services for help. They can also help if he has physical hurt her. I wish her luck.

    Source(s): my life as a single parent.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Have your friend contact a domestic violence shelter, reason being is Emotional and verbal are abuse as you stated, they will help he get in touch with a lawyer to handle the divorce and get her alimony, and any thing else she needs. Look in your local phone book and you make the call for her and let her know what they told you. Good Luck

  • 1 decade ago

    Help her find a good divorce lawyer and get her some therapy so that she can build her self-esteem. encourage her to go back to school and get training to help her find a better paying job. Another way to help her is just to be there to listen to her and encourage her to keep going and telling her to never give up. I wish her all the best and you too.

  • 1 decade ago

    The law will calm him down..........he cant do anything.........but she needs to forget about being fearful of him and start to love herself..........After all those years of marriage he has brain washed her into thinking she is nothing so now she has thoughts of suicide....................The best way to help her is to be a real close friend and talk about the future not the past...Let her know she does have a future...and try not to talk about the past..it is a trap to do so because......YOU CANT DEFEAT THE PAST ONLY THE PRESENT CAN YOU CONQUER

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    go hand and hand with your friend to a woman divorce lawyer, look for a feminist they have a tendency to be much more aggressive in divorce court against men like her husband. do not let her agree to anything without her own legal representation. then get her an appointment with qualified mental health experts, you might want to go to the mental heath organization in your area to get a reference. she is on the verge of having a complete mental break down, which is what he is trying to get her to have.

  • Cobra
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    say this to her........

    Something Specially

    For You

    I said a prayer for you today

    And know God must have heard-

    I felt the answer in my heart

    Although He spoke no word!

    I didn't ask for wealth or fame

    (I knew you wouldn't mind)-

    I asked Him to send you treasures

    Of a far more lasting kind!

    I asked that He'd be near you

    At the start of each new day

    To grant you health and blessings

    And my friendship to share your way

    I asked for happiness for you

    In all things great and small-

    But it was for His loving care

    I prayed the most of all.

    By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra

  • kny390
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Have her get an attorney, even a public aid attorney to protect her. She is right, he just may bully her into signing something just to get away from him.

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