Anyone else had this happen since having a baby??

My son is 5 months old and ever since he was born my mom thinks her nose belongs in my familys business. Yes I want her involved and she is but sometimes her opinions just drive me nuts. She always thinks her methods are right even if I go by text book methods! My fiancee is trying for a different job which could only be a 4 day a week thing. So I suggested that he would keep our son on Fridays when he is off. She looked at me and said "guys aren't as good at babysitting". Babysitting?? It's his son. I dont see it as babysitting. I dont want to be rude to my mom because I value a lot of what she says but sometimes her opinions just don't always need to be voiced! Just wondered if anyone else goes through this too.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    sometimes you just have to pretend that you're listening... my mom tried it with me and i just ignored her because i didn't feeling like arguing with her about it. just take the things you don't care to hear and brush them off and let it go at that... she might get the hint after a while.. or she might just start to back off a bit.. have you tried sitting down alone and talking with her about it? if not give it a shot. what was even worse for me though, was my son's father's grandmother tried telling me what to do with my son... and you can't argue with an 85 year old woman... you just can't, you just have learn to keep your mouth shut, let them speak their mind, and brush it off... they don't mean to be this way, they just think they know better than you. but this isn't true, the mother of the child knows what's best. good luck sweetie, and try not to pull your hair out too much....

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it would be a good thing for your son and his father to spend Fridays together, a great bonding experience for both of them. Yes I do find it true that sometimes men have a harder time with kids, but look at most situations, most children spend the whole week with mom and see dad when he is off of work.

    Your mom is probably just used to the idea of men not being that involved, if you think about it when she grew up and probably when you did all of the kids needs were met by mom. Diapers, feedings, everything was mom.

    I was giving some advice by an already mom before I gave birth. When your mom or mother in law gives you advice say that is a good way of doing it (or something along those lines) then continue to do it the way you want. This way they know you listened and cared to hear their advice.

    On the soon to be hubby thing just tell your mom "I think it is a great learning experience and a nice little vacation for me. That I want him to be helping you take care of our child and bond with him."

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, we are in almost the same situation. The difference is it as to do with my in-laws (not just the mother but father and 15 year old sister) and they use the line "how many kids have you raised?" They told us when our son was 2 months that there is no reason for him to not be drinking whole milk, because they started their kids that early and they are fine. They are Mexican and the father-in-law is ex-Marine so he has this complex that he knows everything about everything and that he is better than everyone else. You do need to say something because it will only get worse if you let it go on. My in-laws called my husband and asked to speak with him alone a couple week ago. When he got there they did nothing but tell him how I don't know how to raise a kid and that we should not let him cry himself to sleep that we should hold him and rock him. Our son is going to be a year old, he does not need to be rocked to sleep and in fact he hates it. He only lets my mother-in-law do it because she won't let him go to sleep any other way. There have been countless other times when they have said things and I've not been able to say something because I was alone against 3 people and therefore had no help defending my beliefs in raising my son. We have not spoken to them in about a week and a half and don't plan on it anytime soon. They are not invited to our son's 1st birthday party and my husband refuses to take him to there house to celebrate with them.

    Their daughter who is 21 has a daughter and she went throught the same thing with them and it also drove her nuts.

  • 1 decade ago

    My mom would never take it upon herself to tell me what to do. She raised me, she knows she did a fine job and she's not worried about how I'm raising mine. Now, when I ask her advice, she gives sensible answers without hesitation, but she NEVER butts in. She hated when her mother did that to her.

    Now my mother in law, on the other hand, butts in all the time and is always on me to do things her way. One day I told her to worry about her own daughter and her kids, and she hasn't been too "buttinsky" since then. She still offers advice about things I already know. I thought it was funny when she tried to give me breastfeeding advice with my THIRD child when 1) she never nursed either of her children and 2) I had already nursed 2 babies and it was old hat! LOL

    I would just tell mom, that DAD is NOT a babysitter and he has just as much right to spend a day with his child as anyone. Tell her she should be pleased that daddy is keeping the baby rather than putting him in the care of strangers in daycare.

    My husband has taken on the role of "daddy" very well and has no problems at all with keeping the kiddies while I go out for grown up time. He has no problems changing diapers or anything like that. His dad thinks he's henpecked because he likes helping with the kids. I thought that was funny too!

    Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You need to draw the line now while your child is still young. If you're uncomfortable saying that you think she should stay the hell out of your business, try something like, "Well I want my son and his dad to have some quality time" or something. But don't let her walk all over you, you'll end up really despising her presence. If you say now that you want to raise your child on your own, without advice unless it's asked for, things will probably be a little uncomfortable for a few days. But if you don't, things will be EXTREMELY uncomfortable for a very long time. She may think she's helping, you have to set her straight.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My daughter is 8 months my parents and my husbands' parents are good about not sticking their noses in, but my girl friends son is 6 months and her boyfriends parents stick their noses in her business all the time. Like they wanted to put cisco on her sons bottom for a diaper rash. It is very frustrating for her. Just let your mom know when you feel you need help you will ask. Explain that things have changed since she raised you but thank her for trying to help. best of luck

  • 1 decade ago

    I go through this all the time with my mom. She always thinks he's hungry...even when we just fed him. Finally I just had to tell her that if she wanted to raise a child then she was going to have to figure out how to have another one at 53 years old! She understood finally, but sometimes she still gets on my nerves. Just put your foot down. Good Luck!

    Jen

  • POOCHY
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    well sometimes my mom gets under my skin too!- just look at it as an opinion! and nothing else- no matter what it's ur life, and u're old enough where u can decide if things are right or wrong- never forget she's ur mother though, it's just some things u can't stand but u never love that person any less... trust me! i 've been through it and still til this day my mom get's under my skin.

  • Talk to your mom honestly. Tell her that she's a great mother and you're not questioning her ability as a mom, but you'd like to parent your children yourself. As far as your husband keeping your son on his day off, that's a great way for them to bond. I think it's a fantastic idea, especially if your husband is enthusiastic about it. Best of luck dealing with your mom.

  • 1 decade ago

    YES! My mom is the same way. I think it is out of concern and love that she gives her opinions sometimes and that helps me from getting mad at her (sometimes).

    I wish I had a miracle cure for this, but unfortunately I don't know what to do either. :o)

    Good luck!

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