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I am have a desperate issue....?

I have been married for 7 years. I am extremely happy with my wife and we have a very active sex life. I wouldn't even dream of ending our marriage. We barely ever fight and love each other to death.


I have never really been with another woman before my wife and this urge to do so is killing me. It is getting to the point where it is consuming my thoughts and making it hard for me to even do my job. All I can think about it getting busy with another girl. I won't do it because I love my wife and I know how badly it would hurt her, and the guilt would be horrible. I am afraid thought that one day this urge might overwhelm my good senses and I will do something stupid. I wouldn't dare even bring this up with my wife because it would freak her out for sure no matter what I promised. I realize this urge is normal with everyone but it is definitely at an unhealthy level and it needs to back off.

Any help from anyone???? My marriage means everything to me.


I think some of you don't really understand. I know this is wrong and I know it is potentially destructive. What I am asking for help with is how to deal with it. I already have a guilt trip even though I haven't actually done anything.

20 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Run - don't walk - to counseling. My husband of 12 1/2 yrs. got this urge every 4 yrs. or so. Turns out he was bipolar and 'just couldn't control himself'. He put my son and I on an emotional rollercoaster that we are still dealing with. It will destroy your marriage, and ultimately you, too. If you were to act on your urges the guilt would consume you. And then you would want to do it again - you got away with it the first time, right? It becomes like an addiction. You would constantly fear your wife finding out. If she did find out what would happen to your 'great' marriage and very active sex life? Is this itch really worth scratching?

    Get real and get to a counselor or therapist.

  • 1 decade ago

    Everything you admire about yourself will be gone. Every person for the rest of your life will look at you with disgust. If you have children, some other man will get to raise them. Half of your family, your wife's half will be distant forever. You will lose most of your possessions. ..even your dog. You will have to go to work every day and pay your wife half what you make each month and she will and can have another man at your expense. It will take you 8 years to recover financilly from a divorce. If you ever do emotionally you will be taboo to anyone who knows your story.

    You will never be trusted again by your wife if she gets a hint of what you are dwelling on.

    My advice is look at all the brokenhearted people in this world and plan on joining the group or straighten up and fly right. Be an honorable man. Stop looking at porn. Stop thinking about other women. Talk to a clergyman. Talk to an accountant to see what this would do to you financially. Talk to a lawyer to see how much a divorce costs.

    Bottom line. Be content with what you have and be consumed by the wife of your youth.

  • kardea
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    If your marriage means everything to you I don't understand.

    You need to get some control over your mind!

    How would you feel if you knew your wife was thinking about doing another man all day along?

    Makes my arguement for getting some expirnce before you're married.....then you know it's basically same **** different pile.

    Maybe you need to be more active in your marriage bed. Gentle encourage your wife to try new things too.

    Sorry I can't get by the my marriage means everything to me. A little fantasy in your brain,now and then, is fine as long as it doesn't consume you.

    Me I'm happily married. I would have liked to have expiremented with women a little more than I did. I don't dwell on it.(even though most husbands would like their wife to want another woman in their bed. I do not agree with being intimate with anytone outside of the marraige in any context. It's wrong and not fair.

  • MIA
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Maybe you should try counseling. Being with another woman is not going to satisfy the urge that you have. It may only make you stray more and loose the wonderful marriage that you have now. Why not try role playing. Have your wife were a wig and Lingerie. Try shopping at an adult store. Don't throw away your marriage over a fantasy.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is a very hard thing and not only men deal with this problem women do sometimes also. You need to seek counseling for this problem before it is too late. Thinking something like that is normal but having it consume your every thought is not normal and it is going to cause you big heart ache and pain if you do not get counseling to control yourself. Good Luck and Stay Strong

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes it perfectly normal to think like that, but be carefull not to hurt your wife. My husband and I have a marriage where we can discuss things like that. I made his wish come through one time, with a threesome with another girl. It's not cheating as long as we're both there and agree on it. Right now, we have a problem of our own. He thinks that's it's all right for him to have friends that are girls that I haven't met. I hope we resolve this soon. And I hope everything works out for you. Talk to your wife. If she loves you, I'm sure you can work something out! Good Luck! Your wife is stronger than you give her credit for. She'll understand with a llittle compasion. Trust me!

    Source(s): Donna
  • mvngs
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    You should maybe look into therapy on how best to deal with this issues. If that is not an option have her to dress up and "become someone else"....there are plenty of costumes if you look in the right places. Besides, your wife might even like the role play idea herself. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    Dont tell her, she will never feel the same about you again and she will continue to second guess your marriage every minute like I do, just try and get over it or you may try and bring up the subject of swinging but dont push her into it but then maybe you may not like the idea of her being with some else why do you feel the need to be with someone else anyway?

  • 1 decade ago

    Then find a hobby to pour your energy into for a while. Stay far far away from anything with pictures of other women. Even womens magazines, especially TV shows about beautiful women.

    Throw extra energy into romancing your wife.

    It is foolish in the extreme to risk loosing your best friend and lover because you have not been careful to keep your eyes from wandering. Keep those eyes on a golf ball or sports please!

  • 1 decade ago

    You have the "7 year itch" in a bad way. There's nothing wrong with the questions you are asking yourself, but your marriage certainly shouldn't be compromised to "see what it's like" to be with another woman. Especially with your description of your marriage relationship...there is no reason to try that sort of behavior that would ultimately be destructive to your relationship.

    I would equate it to trying may have heard it's a great "high", but you know full well what risks are involved.

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