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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

Any ideas on how to start a conversation with in laws after this?

I recently had a fight with my mom in law and sis in law b/c I would not letmy 4 yr old daughter have desert b/c she did not eat her dinner. But yet they gave it to her anyway and told me that my rule were stupid. My husband agrees with them and they really hurt my feelings. What do I do I just cannot take the disregard of my rules being over ruled by people who did not give birth to these children, and I do not know how to address them in a manner that gets my point across. Please help! I feel like I have lost a family that i love very much.

14 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    very difficult. I feel whether you were wrong or right they had no business butting in. Very rude. Your husband should have taken your side. Talk to your husband first and tell him why you feel insulted and disrespected by him. After that speak to your mom and sis in law and tell them that their relationship is important to you and that it is best to talk about everything. It will be tough but you will come off as a better person by bringing it up. Stick to your guns apologize for offending them but not for what you did. A child does have to eat their dinner. If you don't focus on little things like that now the child is always going to test you and grow up like all these other rotten kids.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The first thing you need to do is sit your husband down and have a serious talk with him. Tell him he should support your decision and if he disagreed he should have told you later when you were alone. His taking their side was disloyal to you and should not be tolerated. Next go to see you mom in law and sis in law and tell them that they had better never overrule a decision you have made for your child. Be firm but respectful. Ask you sis in law how she would like it if you sat her daughter or son down and tell them it's time for them to start having sex. Inform both of them that if they do it again you will no longer allow them to have access to your child. State that by doing what they did they have taught your child that if she is upset by some rule you give your child she now thinks she can run to them to get it changed. They are undermining your parenting and it should never be allowed. Make sure you tell them that you love them and love the relationship they have with your child and you never want it to stop. Let you husband know what you are going to do and make him stand with you on this. They may not like it but if you don't nip it in the bud it will snowball out of control. They will try to overrule you on other things that may be more important..

  • 1 decade ago

    When it comes to raising little children, the entire family has to respect the way their parents decide to rear them!!

    Your in-laws are very wrong to over-ride your decision regarding ANYTHING that comes up while at their home!!

    They are only making it hard on your spouse & you to teach the children how you have every right to do!!

    I would simply ask for a meeting with all of them, & show up without the children!!

    Explain, IN A CALM MANNER, how much they mean to you as your ex-tended family, but that you do not expect this to happen again!! Tell them if they think you are doing something wrong, or over-re-acting to a situation with their grand-child, to please address the problem with you when the child is not listening!!

    Good luck!!

    I try hard to maintain the same rules in my home that my daughter & son-in-law have in theirs, & we have found it leads to a wonderful visit with our little ones every time we get to have them over!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i know what you mean....different family rules can be hard to keep, when everybody feels they are family. I do understand your rules and they are in stone....thats how it should be. The only thing you could do...because i know you felt ganged up to call the one you feel closer to...and say you are sorry for the situation going out of control...but you are trying to teach your daughter values and respect.....You understand she is just a child and not finishing one dinner isn't the end of the world...but , you want to teach her results and rewards ...for doing what she is don't want her to get the ideal that she can get away with everything because grandma and aunty is there. So If next time....let you teach her values that were distilled into you.....So when she is old enough, she won't be a spoiled little girl...

  • 1 decade ago

    Politely explain to them that she is YOUR kid NOT theirs, by the husband agreeing with them in front of your daughter is also undermining your authority which could make discipline difficult as time goes on. I would tell them if they cannot let you do the parenting and respect your wishes then they won't be allowed to see the children, that's what I'd do. That may seem harsh, but that may be the only way to get it across to them that you are serious about this. It is not unreasonable a punishment, because you are trying to teach them discipline. Don't do what you are told, this is the consequence. It's the way I was raised and it's the way I'll raise my kid. Best of luck to you and yours.

    Source(s): I know of a family that went through the same thing.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's just a matter of agreeing to disagree. That is incredibly rude of them to intervene with your parenting, and especially worrying that your husband can't even back you up.

    It's a matter of sitting down with them and letting them know that although they do not agree with your rules, your child is yours to raise, they had had their turn in the past. Respect is something this family obviously lacks and they need to be reminded about it. Also sit your husband down so the two of you can discuss rules in parenting, kids can be mighty manipulative, and when they know they can go to one parent when the other says 'no', they're on the highway to bratsville.

    Be strong, know you did the right thing, and stick by your decision. If there is real love in this family, things will move on eventually. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    First Husband needs to Support you and wait til lyou and he can speak privately on issues liek this .He should also respectfully remind he family how the yuseot tel lothers those are my rules and my children and you should mind your own business.

    Thas should held this in a nice manner.

    Second , Mother i nLaws - may want to tr yto PUSH you around but STAND FIRM sorry remove the desert from your child and make her understand , if she wants the desert SHE MUST eat dinenr first !

    If your lil one sees you and hubbystanding firmly together and you both tell family and friends SORRY BACK AWAY we got this handled - she will soon stop trying to play one side on the other.

    This is how it should be after all .

  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I'd just tell your husband that you don't appreciate his family not respecting the rules you set for the kids and that him being your husband he should stand by your side on this matter. Let him know you don't want hard feelings with his family but at the same time you respect them and feel they should respect you as well.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If it was my kids I would stick to my rules. I agree with yours by the way. I woud over ride what she says and not let them have the desert. She will get the point and kids will know that your rules dont change just because your at their house. They need to know that you wont bend even when grandma turns up the heat.

  • 1 decade ago

    kirk m is right..

    dont be a witch...BUT BY ALL MEANS

    stand up for yourself...hubby should be on your side..

    if they dont like you..tough!!

    then they are just liking you for being a pushover and doormat

    be respectful in all you say but tell what you think

    you are #1 in setting rules for you kids..tell them would they like you going over there and setting your rules on them>??

    please don t worry too much what they think of you..worry more about you & your kids and your own thoughts..

    you cant and will not please EVERYBODY..

    be true to your self and kids first

    & your hubby deserves a slap in the face for the one he gave you ...

    whew!..this one got to

    hey if they are really like family..then you dont have to agree with them

    I dont agree with my blood family..right?

    you dont have to like each other all the time...but you will stay family

    it is better they respect you for standing up 4yourself

    then looking at you & thinking they can run you.

    God bless

    you will be ok

    your husband is to obey his parents when he was a "child"

    NOW he is an adult & has to seperate from them and cling to you and protect you

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