How do I break up with my girlfriend of almost 3 years?

My girlfriend and I are very much in love but I know she is not right for me in the long run. The things that aren't right with us keep coming up over and over. It even caused a breakup for a couple months but we ended up getting back together about 6 months ago. And now some of those problems are coming up again. I told her last night that I wasn't happy with the relationship and things had to change and she begged me not to break up with her and she said she would change back. I thought about it more today and I think we both deserve someone better matched for us and that she shouldn't have to fix something about herself to make us happy. She is an amazing girl and I am in love with her but these things that come up are parts of her personality that she can't change.

HOW DO I DO THIS? It is going to kill me because she hasn't done anything wrong it's just that we are both different now. Im 22 and shes 20. Any insightful help is much appreciated.

Update:

These problems are not physical problems, she is beautiful. I am not just thinking of my own happiness I am also thinking of hers. Besides, why would I stay with someone just because they are happy and I am not? It's not fair to me or them. She will find someone that she can make totally happy.

16 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The best way is to come right out & tell her just what you've said here. Be straight with her & DON'T beat around the bush. I would MUCH rather have someone tell me the truth no matter how bad at first than to find out down the road that I'd been lied to. It allows each of you to make a clean break of things & get on with your lives. You are so right about not wanting someone to change, because after all is said & done whoever had to do the changing will probably wind up resenting the other because they can't just be themselves around the other person. The BEST relationships are where you don't pretend to be someone else & the person loves you warts & all. Best of luck to you, I know it's going to be tough to do but you'll both thank each other in the end.

    Source(s): Been there myself.
  • 1 decade ago

    Well, first of all if you love her and all, and she has done nothing wrong, why would you break up ? Maybe you should change, it seems that there are things about you that need improving in your personality, like long suffering, remember you have things about you that other women might not like, and for the comment that it is going to kill you and your feelings, stop being so selfish, think about her feelings, it might kill her , knowing that she loves you alot. No man or women is perfect, and if you think that the grass is greener on the other side of the hill, then you need a wake up call. You both are different, I'm not sure which way though you age, You state how great she is, that is an oxymoron.

    As for your statement about " we both deserve someone better " maybe as to what you said, she does, but you deserve not to be in a relationship until you can grow up a bit and have respect for someone Else's feelings and stop living by the word " I ".. I'm sure I don't know everything going on, but what you have described, this is my opinion.. Hope things work out for the better.. for both.

  • 1 decade ago

    Aahhh....you're in that age-old loop of 'the grass is greener on the other side'. Usually, it's not true.

    Everyone is their own individual and you will undoubtedly have various issues come up with each person you date. There is no such thing as complete perfection. I suggest that if you feel even the slightest chance that you may work things out, you try to do so.

    On the other hand, I get the feeling you may want to 'explore the waters' a little more before you settle down. If that's the case, be honest with her. Don't lie and pretend you want to break-up because you're incompatible. That will close any doors for you two in the future.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    The guy is completely right. Reading the girls part- I have been the same way. Had a lot of guy friends, and texted a guy and changed his name, i realize now that im older (23) when i did that, i was selfish and immature. You should never lie about a aguy or girl in your phone unless you have something to hide, NO MATTER what thne other bf/gf thinks about u talking to them. When u change someones name- it shows u have something to hide! The guy in this sounds like he was played for a fool, I've been there I have been that girl doing it to a bf i use to have and realize how silly and immature i was. You need to spend time apart ieven if u love each other. It is not right.

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  • claire
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I think you just have to be really strong and prepare yourself for her to react badly to be honest. I know I would. Maybe suggest a break and say we'll see how it goes after the break. At least then you'll have time to get your self sorted in your head. If you still feel the same after the break, it should be easier by then to say you think you'd be better apart. Good luck.

  • Being that you are very much in love with each other,i would suggest some form of counseling although you are correct-she should not have to try to change for anyone...she is what she is,no one can change a persons personality,but maybe a talk with the right people could offer some form of alternate help you could both get for your particular problem.....perhaps an alternate way for you to deal with it,rather than her trying,and failing,to change.Not much help i know,but you both seem good together and the love is there,so it is worth trying-BEST OF...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    break up with her by telling her in private and in person. its her fault, she said she wuold change but she did'nt. part ways for now, and maybe find someone better. Love is a trial and error game..who knows, maybe you 2 are destined to be together but today might not just be the right time for you guys. whatever the outcome is, God bless you on that!

  • 1 decade ago

    this is gonna be difficult cause shes gonna wanna know why again ... its not a script but id advise to make it as quick as possible and before that think to yourself what attracted you to her in the first place then see if those qualities are still there ... talk to her calmly and rationally its gonna either be a end up mates or complete sever ... if there is a chance at keeping the relationship then try to keep the reltionship going but working on it and constant communication is vital in a relationship

  • ash1
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    thats a tough one, but if you know its not going to work in the long run, its better to break up than drag it on , cos you might end up resenting her.

    sorry i cant offer any advice on how to do it, i really feel for both of ye....but im sure she'll have her girl friends around to look after her.

    These things happen in relationships,its nobody's fault so dont hate yourself. If its not meant to be, its not meant to be

  • 1 decade ago

    Tell her you think some time apart would help, because you have some questions about the realtionship, and that you should both see other people. Then go from there.

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