wt asked in Society & CultureLanguages · 1 decade ago

Would you fix my writing?

I'm English learner.

Heemo Yang

September 28, 2006

Period 5

Afraid of………..

I am afraid of teachers. I am afraid that they might give me low grades. This year, teachers are even scarier than before to me. Cause of that is, this year; I made my goal to earn 4.0. For me, it’s very hard to receive ‘A’s and I know it’s nearly impossible me to receive straight ‘A’ on Report Card. However, I already earn bad grades on quizzes. Despite these, I have chosen my goal very high to make my mom happy. She is always worrying about me. It’s very frustrating me and sometimes when I feel sorry for mom I’m very busy to hide my tears with a melancholy smile.

Update:

How can I add more?

How can I finish the end?

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I agree with Heidie...put about most of the change. I would change the sentence about bad grades and the ending. It is hard to receive "A's" and nearly impossible to receive straight "A's" because I receive bad grades on quizzes.I will study very hard to make my goal a reality so that I can show proof of overcoming my fear.My mom and I will be happy because of my success! You cannot use "cause" because it is only a part of the word "because". It is a slang word and not used in formal writing.Best wishes. I will help you anytime. I have had 22 foriegn exchange students live or stay for short periods with me over the years so I understand your fear. You will do great though because you care and will study!!

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm afraid of teachers; I am afraid that they might give me low grades. This year's teachers are even scarier than last year. Because of that, I have made this year's goal to earn 4.0. I find it very hard to receive an ‘A’ grade, and I know it’s nearly impossible for me to receive straight ‘A’s on my report card.

    However, I already earn bad grades on quizzes. Despite these, I have set my goal very high to make my Mom happy. She is always worrying about me which I find very frustrating. Sometimes when I feel sorry for Mom I have to try very hard to hide my tears with a melancholy smile.

    If you are not sure how to spell a word, look it up in the dictionary. If you really want to say "cause" (which is very informal and bad to use in an essay), you must put an apostrophe ( ' ) in front. The apostrophe takes the place of the "be" e.g. " because " becomes " 'cause "

    Try and think about how people who's first language is english speak... if you can't imagine someone else saying it that way, it's probably not right... think about reversing the way you have made your sentence or try to reduce the size of a sentence by using a different word:

    "She is always worrying about me. It’s very frustrating me and sometimes when I feel sorry for mom I’m very busy to hide my tears with a melancholy smile."

    could become:

    "She is always worrying about me which I find very frustrating. Sometimes when I feel sorry for Mom I have to try very hard to hide my tears with a melancholy smile.

    Don't forget "Mom" is a pronoun and should be capitalised.

    Good luck!!! Your english is actually very good!

  • 1 decade ago

    I am 20 years old and graduated, so here's a little of what I think:

    Try not to start sentences with Cause. Try to change the sentence "I have chosen my goal very high to make my mom happy" because teachers want to know that you want to do that goal for yourself. If it was me writing it, I would write it like this:

    What I am afraid of is teachers. I am afraid that teachers might give me low grades in my classes. This year, teachers are more strict than usual. I have made my goal for this year to receive a 4.0 by working very hard. It is very hard for me to receive ‘A’s and I know it’s nearly impossible for me to receive straight ‘A’ 's on Report Cards; However, I already earn bad grades on quizzes.

    Despite these, I have chosen my goal very high to make myself and my mom proud this year. My mom is always worrying about me and it is very frustrating for me and sometimes when I feel sorry for my mom. I try to hide my tears with a melancholy smile, but this year is going to be different.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You sir, have the soul that Americans today have lost. Just study. Thats all you can do. My father made me read my entire textbooks at the beginning of the year, and throughout the year I rarely opened themm already knowing what they said and understanding what they taught. Read, friend. Read and enjoy.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Moms always worry. I met a mom whose son is 30 years old and living in another province. She worries about him all the time.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    its really good a couple of punctuation errors though

    first line skip the comma after the word year

    2nd line Because (fix the spelling) No comma after word "is" in fact no commas at all on that line...commas come after the word if and when You get the idea....do good work..

  • Andrea
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Seems alright to me.

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