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How do I work through a relationship with someone who is scared of committment?
I have been dating someone for five months now that I really like. We have a lot of fun and a lot in common and both care about each other. But sometimes, typically when things have been going great, we get into these ridiculous pointless blow-out fights over almost nothing. He will close up and say really mean things like he doesn't care about me and doesn't want to be with me anymore. Later he will admit that he didn't mean those things, he just said them because he was angry. I think he does this in an effort to push me away as a defense. I really believe he is scared about having strong feelings for me and how that may make him vulnerable. I am the first person he has dated for an extended time and cared for since he was in school (he is now 30). I really believe we could have a great relationship if I could somehow figure out how to work through these fears with him. But I don't know how to bring it up or get him to open up to me. Anyone have some third party perspective?
Is it not possible that we have a chance and he just has some issues we need to address?
- bigbadwolfLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
NO ONE, is "scared of a relationship" if they are dating at all. Someone that is scared of relationships doesn't date anyone. But since he dating you, he cannot be scared or relationships. I know you probably feel like you guys have something great going on, but his feelings for you are probably not that strong.
FYI...someone that says they are scared/or not ready for a relationship means they are not ready for a relationship with YOU.
- randykenLv 61 decade ago
Great question but definitely a predicament. Do you know much about his past? I am guessing he feels he got burned in the past. Sometime when things a going "great", casually bring it to a head. Just let him know that you care for him and enjoy the time you have together. Let him know, too, that you care about his feelings and will be there if he ever wants to talk. If it really doesn't get you anywhere, you could try talking about your past a little and see if that opens him up a little more.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
If commitment is your goal, look somewhere else.
Also being mean and then claiming he didn't mean that, he IS abusive.
If you are a masochist, then fine, otherwise you are wasting your time and emotions.