"I hate to tell you, but it only gets worse..." from parents with older kids...?

Why is it that when I seek advice from older parents who could be alot of help with issues I face for the first time with my son, the answer is always, "it only gets worse?" This is very discouraging and probably not even true. Why do this?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I had many children and now am a grandma. This was ALWAYS a pet peeve when I was a new mother, when others would be so negative! One example was that people constantly warned about the awful teenage years, and the other time is the "terrible twos". This kind of feedback is not helpful at all.

    To be very honest, I loved my children at all ages and it kept getting better and more enjoyable as a mom. If you expect that your children will not be problems, and that it won't be difficult, they will respond in a more positive way. Kids pick up on those attitudes and act as the are expected to.

    You are wise to recognize that this is very discouraging and also NOT TRUE! Enjoy the time with your children, and know that each year of their life is a very special time!

  • Ozzie
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    G'day mate. Just to set the record straight about older kids. I have been the sole parent for my daughter (17) and son (13) for the last 6 years. For the last 3 years I've also been a 12 hour shift worker, meaning I'm not having the contact I'd like to be having with my kids.

    My daughter last week received an Order of Australia Medal for student citizenship from our Queensland Governor. A good effort on her behalf considering all the above.

    Kids are what you make of them, treat them with the love and respect they deserve and don't be afraid to punish them when they are naughty. I'm a firm believer that "nurture is more important than "nature" every time. Go ahead and seek advice and them you decide whats best, simple as that - almost.

  • pepper
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Almost every man and woman with children complain. There seems to be very few positive comments coming out of their mouths about their own children. The funny thing is that almost without exception, these complaints are directed at the offspring and seem to ignore the fact that they had a hand in molding the creatures that these offspring have become.

    Someone wisely said, that when a couple have a daughter, they are raising the wife, if they have a son, they're raising the husband. It was his way of saying, Quit blaming the kid for being obnoxious.

  • 1 decade ago

    I agree, steams me too! Maybe they are just too worn down to offer any advise, who knows. I hear it all of the time though (I have a 7, 5, and 3 yr old) and I really think it is silly. Any age can be trying, but it is what you make of it. They are with us for such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things. I try to keep a sense of humor, and a positive attitude. I think the trick is to start communicating with your kids when they are young. Then hopefully they will continue communicating as they age. Maybe the people you look to for advice could use some as well, you never know what their day was like. Just do the best you can, and turn a deaf ear!

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  • 1 decade ago

    why are you so sure that they could be alot of help? All children are different and I know from experience that you can't give other people parenting advice, even when they ask for it. Because if you in any way imply that something they are doing is even remotely wrong, they get defensive and angry. And the "it only gets worse" thing is true. If you can't control them now, then you're lost.

  • 1 decade ago

    Some things get better, some things do get worse.

    But if this is the only response you're getting from these other parents, then why do you think they could be "a lot of help?" It sounds to me like they're not especially helpful, and you should ask someone else for advice.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Very few of us are experts at this stuff. Being a responsible adult does not make you an expert in child-rearing. Maybe you need to explain that you are seriously looking for good advice and guidance rather than the old cliched phrases. Bringing up kids (especially as the little brutes get older and think they have rights and opinions) is very draining.

    I saw a sign in a doctor's waiting room once that read:

    "Notice to all teenagers - leave home now, get a job, pay for your own house, cook all your own food, do all your own shopping, clean all your own stuff up, and be a grown up while you still think you know it all."

    I showed it to my teenage son, and he said "Ah - I see what you mean". Good as gold since.

  • Amelia
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I wouldn't say it gets worse. It just gets different. There are pros and cons to every age. The good news is that you've been with this child since his/her birth and you are very equipped to handle whatever comes your way. I understand what you're saying because I've had it said to me as well. I have no idea why people say this. My oldest is now six and I'd never say it is worse than when he was two. Sure, it is different but not worse. Sure, there are challenges but the entire road of parenthood is paved with challenges. I think people say that because it makes them sound like they know something you don't or that they're veteran parents so they've had it harder than you. Too bad for them. People who make remarks like that aren't enjoying parenthood.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    I said a narrative about an ungrateful youngster that received a psamong different issues for Christmas. He apparently had a tantrum about how he did not get what he wanted, so the mum took all of his Christmas presents away and made the youngster provide them to charity. i fairly want there have been extra mothers and fathers like that obtainable. i imagine there are such quite some mothers and fathers that get so stuck up in how a lot they look after their children that they could do something for them, purchase them something, yet you at the on the spot are not doing all of your children a want contained in the longer time period, this is in basic terms coaching them to be ungrateful and to sense entitled, and that isn't get them everywhere as adults.

  • 1 decade ago

    As children get older, they become more independent. Its only natural (and healthy). However, this also means that any behavior problems will be exacerbated by their greater independence. Children of all ages are caught between the need and desire for boundaries (the roll of the parent), and the need and desire for independence. As the child gets older, the need for independence (as well as his social network) grows.

    As a child, the parent is the center of the child's universe, and is also the primary contact. As the child gets older, his social network grows (as do negative outside influences).

    So, let me give you this advice. Enjoy each day with your child, take lots of photos and sound recordings. You will be glad you did.

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