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I need a real good joke?

Something to lift my spirits. I just did a necessary evil...

Update:

Corny is always good. :-)

Update 2:

Lawyers and Blondes, what a combinations!

10 Answers

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  • Jubei
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Celebrity Jokes~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?

    A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house.

    Q. What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

    A. One was the first to walk on the moon and the other ***** little boys up the ***.

    Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?

    A. From a catalogue.

    Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?

    A. He thought it was a delivery service.

    Q. What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?

    A. A Michael Jackson slumber party.

    Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?

    A. She wants to be the first lady.

    Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?

    A. When Hillary is out of town.

    Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?

    A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

    Q. How come Mike Tyson’s eye's water during sex?

    A. Mace

    Q. What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?

    A. She doesn't, she eats out!

    Q. Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp?

    A. Everyone would be afraid to lick it.

    Q. What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?

    A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair....and O.J walked!

    Q. What's white and sticky and found on the bathroom wall?

    A. George Michael's latest release.

    Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?

    A. Hugh Grant.

    Q. What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?

    A. A microwave stops when you open the door.

    Q. How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?

    A. When the big hand is on the little hand.

    Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?

    A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.

    Q. How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?

    A. By rearranging the living-room furniture.

    Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?

    A. She screamed her hands off.

    Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

    A. So she can moan with the other.

    Q. Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?

    A. Her dog was blind too.

    Q. What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?

    A. Washed her hands with soap.

    Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?

    A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.

    Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?

    A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!

    Q. What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?

    A. Boy's underwear half off.

    Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"

    A. 80% said not again.

    Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?

    A. The pool table in the oval office.

    Q. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?

    A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.

    Q. What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common?

    A. They both throw a ho down.

    Q. Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?

    A. He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"

  • A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer that you'll ask me, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

    ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

    blonde a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island.

    they finally come to the conclusion that they agree there is no way to get off the island. then they find a lamp on the beach and they rub it. a magic genie comes out and tells them each of them gets one wish but they can only wish to be something. they cannot wish to go somewhere. the brunette wishes to be a shark so she could swim to shore. the genie said "ok, once u get to ur desired location, u will turn back to normal." the brunette was turned into a shark and swam to shore. then the redhead wishes to be an eagle so she could fly to safety. the genie said "ok, once u get to ur desired location, u will turn back to normal." the redhead turned into an eagle and flew to safety. then the blonde walks around fro a minute and then says "i wish i was..." she trips on a rock and shouts "crap!!!"

    Source(s): hee hee enjoy β™₯
  • 1 decade ago

    A little boy is out for a walk with his Dad when they come across 2 dogs doing it. The son says Dad what are they doing? And the Dad tells him they're making puppies. Later that night the son walks in on Mom & Dad making love, and the son says Daddy what are you doing to Mommy? The Dad says we're making a baby. And the son says well turn her over I want Puppies.

  • sashi
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    To the 1st answerer, appropriate to the third answerer. what's humorous is which you probably did no longer get that HE became JOKING appropriate to the entire you no longer getting it because you're blonde element. He predicted your reaction, and it worked oh so brilliantly... ...and because while are one's jokes thoroughly indicative of how they are surely? (ok, i will close up) yet yeah, humorous stuff.

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  • 1 decade ago

    necessary evil?.....sounds dangerous..anyways..its the best joke of all time!

    what is a caterpillars worst enemy?

    dogerpillar!!!!!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't know your age group.

    How do you catch a unique bird?

    Unique up on it. (you sneek up on it. Speech impediment joke)

    How do you catch a tame bird?

    Tame way. ( Still have the speech impediment....)

  • 1 decade ago

    Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.

    You will have to look for my picture to read them.

  • 1 decade ago

    A little boy asks his mother where do babies come from? The mother reply's that the stork brings babies. Then the little boy asks then who ***** the stock?

  • 1 decade ago

    Looking in the mirror...you should get a big laugh

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    whats green and smells like pig

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