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How do you end an affair after 4 years?

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS AND AM NOT TOTALLY UNHAPPY. THIS AFFAIR BEGAN WHEN I HAD A DEATH OF A CHILD. I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I HAVE EXTREMELY STRONG FEELINGS FOR THIS OTHER GUY. THERE HAS BEEN AN ATTRACTION BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY FROM THE BEGININNG. HE IS ALSO MARRIED.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The choice is hard. But the answer is easy. How would you feel if you found out he had been betraying you. I understand how easily it is to find yourself in your situation.

    Couple drift apart after experiencing such a loss. If you truly love him. End the affair, find out what you are getting from your relationship with this other man, try to fulfill those needs with your husband. (If you want to save the marriage)

    People are pretty split down the middle about whether to tell their spouses they have cheated. I believe you should never tell him. Once the trust is gone, you have nothing. If you tell him he may not be able to forgive or trust you again. If it ever comes out he'll feel betrayed by you keeping the secret.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Seems like your blaming the affair on the death when actually you still made the choice of having it and hurting your husband. Why didn't you go to your husband after the death of your child? More than likely when you end your affair it will be ugly no matter what you do. You need to go to counseling for your marriage if your husband will still have you after this. If you really loved your husband you would have never had the affair in the first place. Move away from the other guy if you can and start fresh. Do not talk to him in any way shape or form. Go from there.

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  • 1 decade ago

    wow. I suggest getting help from a councelor to end it. If you have a good relationship with the one you are having an affair with, you should be able to talk it over and explain why it is best for both of you to go back to your spouses. There may be more to it than you are telling us here. Maybe the affair man doesn't really want to go back to his wife and he's hoping you will leave your husband. You dont' mention if there are kids involved, which makes a big difference and in which case I would definitely say to end it now and fast. Especially since you still love your husband. It is the right thing to do.

    Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like my family. Married for 20, death of a child, and mom's cheating on my dad. Only in this case, Dad found out with the help of a PI. Not that their relationship was good to begin with. They're getting divorced. Once he finds out, chances are he won't want to stay with you. How do you think your husband will feel everytime he looks at you and sees you with another man? Speaking as a child of one of these agonizing situations, just tell him now and don't prolong the pain.

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  • 1 decade ago

    never doing it in the first place. i hate to say that but you use your childs death an accuse for it. Your husband has been mourning too and you both needed to be there for eachother not in someone else's arms. Plus you are messing with a married man and his family do you think that is fair to his wife, you would not like it if another married women came to your husband and he had an affair, you would be hurt, and shocked and demanding answers. I think you should tell the married man its over that you are married and we both have to be adults and tell our spouse's, yeah they are going to be mad but don't you think they have a right, then if the spouse's want to stay with you after that you and your husband need counseling to work on your mourning you are still having and work on the relationship if he wants to after you had the affair, and this other guy is going to have to be put out of the picture unless spouse's dont want you then i guess you have a new relationship, but you are messing with fire and yeah you are going to get burnt sooner or later cause things don't stay secrets for long they eventually come out. But tell him to buzz off tell your husband and the other man that you are sleeping with needs to tell his wife or if he dont you will, cause it aint fair to her to be in the dark. good luck and get help.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It is purely a decision. Don't use your feelings to help you make this decision. The feelings will only get in the way. Your job is to do what is right. If you want your marriage then you owe it to your husband and yourself to just make a clean break. Just tell him you're letting go, wish him well and tell him not to contact you anymore. Then you have to stick with your decision. It takes 21 days to break a habit and also to create a new one. Now make your husband your new habit and let go of the other guy.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You simply just need to end the affair, have no further contact as well .. and work on your marriage. Go to counseling as well .. find strength in your husband to deal with the grief of a loss of a child (I speak from experience) and in addition I think you both need to work on your communication. Ultimately though, you need to tell your husband about the affair. Be honest with him and it will be his decision to see where the marriage will lead.

    Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

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  • 1 decade ago

    You simply have to make the choice to be only with your husband if that's what you want. I would seek out some counseling too to deal with the death, and the ending of the affair.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I can only say that you should end the affair because you love and respect yourself. Cheating on your husband says a lot about you and also for the married man you are cheating with. Here is what I always say" if you will cheat with me, you will cheat on me as well". How would you feel if your husband was cheating on you and how would you feel if he was on here asking this question?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well first of all does your husband have affairs? I bet it would hurt if your husband did that to you. Tell your husband that there are feelings you'd like to feel that he isn't providing you, comfort he isn't giving you and that you have had to go outside of the relationship. If your husband leaves you then you can go be with the other guy.

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