Loved one will NOT get a job and move out - he is 28!! HELP!!!?

My cousin is 28 and still lives with his mom (who is a very quiet and humble woman). She has asked him to find a job and move out, and he says he will but he doesn't. He has no girlfriend, no job, no money, no children...no attachments, basically. He stays up until 3 or 4 in the morning playing computer games, and wakes up around noon or 1pm. So a very inconsistent lifestyle. Not only that, but he doesn't show up to a lot of our family get-togethers.

He is not a bad guy AT ALL! He is really nice, but he just makes really bad decisions. I think it is part being lazy, part selfishness (he is getting free rent, free food, etc...), and possibly he may be a little depressed?

I need advice on HOW to go about getting him to get a job and MOVE ON in his life. He is a little bit of an aggressive guy (think football player build with a 15-yr-old mind), so my aunt is a little afraid to "kick him out." I need some really mature and reasonable answers to help him. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Update:

NOTE: He worked at a retail store for 2-3 years and loved it, but his friend (also worked there) was told he would get a promotion if he fired my cousin. So, of course, he did. So I think my cousin may still be a little hurt by that... But again...no reason not to work...

Update 2:

***He also does not have any college under his belt, and the only job experience he had was with that retail place***

12 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    That was very mean what they did to him. He must be depressed. Sleeping early in the morning and sleeping all day...it sounds like he is. The other day I overheard a woman talking to someone on the phone on behalf of her husband....she told the person her husbands skills and that he would surely be the right person for the job ...etc...Do you think you can do something like this for your cousin? I do encourage you to help him...because should he do anything bad to himself ....later on you can be proud of yourself having tried your best to help him. Also try to come by their house and have him go for a walk with you....getting him to get out of the house and moving is a good way to fight the blues. I had a friend who was like that....I would just tell her on the phone to be ready because I was gonna come by her house...or sometimes I would just surprise her. You do seem genuine about wanting to help him....be proactive and let him know through your actions that you care. Don't ever belittle him....a depressed person doesn't need more put downs. Be a cousin and a friend.

  • 1 decade ago

    He does not work and his mom asked him to find a job. She is just going to have to deal with it or take a firm stand. She can start with disconecting the internet. He will have no choice but to find something. Even part-time job. She should sit down with him and ask "If i did not wake up in the morning who will take care of you?" "Do you have a back up plan if something was to happen to me?" This became a problem because she let him stay for so many years. It must be a blow to him to hear this now. No wonder he's feeling depressed. He should try going back to school. There are aldult schools. Its a start. If he has a family doctor he or she can help as well.

    Good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Tell your aunt to kick his sorry ***

    make him stand up & be a man

    he's almost 30. he should startin' a family or that the top of his career

    it's past time 4 he to leave the nest

    give a job application

    then give him 3 months to find a job & apartment.

    then kick him out

    after the 3 months still doesn't have his job & a place to live

    kick him out

    don't feel sorry for him. don't let him come back & stay you

    he'll learn that u mean business & he'll get his act together sonner or later

  • 1 decade ago

    Well he likes playing video and computer games, so what if he had a job involving them? There are plenty of schools across the country that train people and give them the right direction in getting a job in the field of video and computer games. Things like designing and testing them. Find a school like this in his area and ask him if he'd be interested in trying it. And ask him why he still wants to live with his mother alone and jobless instead of having his own independant life and perhaps his own relationship and family.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Lucrecia has it right!!! He is not lazy, just depressed. Going through a bad period in his life. He needs professional mental help, NOT THROWING HIM ON THE STREET!!! It amazes me how people always go back to the street of hard knocks, when the answer is starring them straight in the face. Do you want a homeless bum in the family? Or would you prefer a productive cousin who in return can make a difference in other peoples lives. Your family needs to WAKE UP and SEE the Obvious!!! GET HIM HELP!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    It does sound like your cousin is suffering from depression. Often, people who are depressed seem lazy but it's not that they're lazy, it's that life is overwhelming and they have no energy to do anything. I suggest talking to your cousin about seeing a therapist. I'm guessing that since he is 28 with no job, he also has no health insurance. He can contact the local county community mental health and they should be able to give him referrals for treatment.

  • rpoker
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    well first i see you use very kind words when you refer to him, that's sweet. but yes there is not one good reason he should not be wORKING! she needs to just set down with him, and this time do not just ASK! let him know hey i've carried you all this time, your now a Grown up and need to move out,hold a full time job for good.and begin living your own life! if he just blows it off,i'de let him know he has till this date to move or be set out. trust me if He see's She's serious, he will start being the Man that he is and make a change that will not cause hard feelings in the Family! i wish you and him well.

    Source(s): dr perkins
  • 1 decade ago

    My moms is in the same position with my brother. He has two kids that he gets every other weekend and my parents have to provide for them.Same deal stays up all night and sleeps all day.

    He has had many of jobs. He works long enough to get a check. My brother is still in love with his ex-wife(been divorced about 7 years now)All I know is that when our parents pass one,maybe then they will see the light.

  • 1 decade ago

    You may hate to hear it, but YOU can't do anything...this is your aunt's problem and she's the only one who can really do something about her son. The only reason he's taking advantage of her is because of the fact that she doesn't stand up for herself. Tough love is always the best teacher. She has to stop allowing him to push her around, it's her house and she has a right to tell him to leave. At 28 years of age, it's way past time for him to get off of his *** and take care of himself. That is not a man, but a child in a grown man's body.....no wonder he has no attachments, he's a loser. If all else fails, there's always the option of a police escort to get him out of her house. I realize that he's her son and she loves him, but enough is enough and he needs to leave.

  • 1 decade ago

    She needs to stop doing things for him including his washing and cooking for him. In fact, tell him he can't eat the food unless he pays for it. He'll soon get the message that if he wants to survive.

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