我有一些關於詩的問題

Our teacher asked us to write a catolog poem, and I am not sure if my poem is good enough for her standard... I am thinking if you can give me some advice about the poem I wrote, that will be great.

Dream

Dream at day and night

To be with sun, moon and light

Dream under the sea with fish

To feel the coldness of lonely

Dream in the roses like Thumbelina

To see the world of Andersen

Out to the South Pole

Into the tropical rain forest

Dream under the aerosphere

To feel the mass of the air

Dream with the gravity

To feel the strongness of earth

Dream on grass with butterflies

To be relieved from busyness

Over the ground

Under the sky

I am dreamming from dark to light

Dream under the sea with fish 的下一句 To feel the coldness of lonely.很怪, 有沒有更好的代替?

我不知道這算不算違規, 因為我只是\"請教\", 並不是 \"找人幫忙做\" 我的功課

希望會有人敎我要怎樣把這首詩弄得順一點...

2 Answers

Rating
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Dream

    Dreams during the day and during the night,

    Dream with the sun, the moon, and the stars.

    Dream under the sea, and swim with the fishes

    Dream upon the sky when flying with the birds

    Dreams inside a rose like Thumbelina

    at the world of Andersen

    Dreams out at the South Pole

    at the tropical rain forest

    Dreams can go to the outer space

    To feel the infinity

    Dreams can travel the whole wide world

    To feel the expansiveness

    I am the dreamers’ dream.

    ~Jen

    *基本是我把你詩裡的一些重點重新結構, 寫詩不需要寫太哲學的字跟倫理

    詩的本意就是要讓讀者很快的就可以進入故事裡面

    美倫美化的意境就是好詩

    Source(s): 自己
  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Catalog poem doesn't have any format, you'd just "itemize" what you see, smell, hear and feel line by line.Dreaming day and night,Bright stars shine in the velvet sky,Fishes rove in the deep blue ocean,Gulping the taste of loneliness in the dark,My Cold, shivering and bloodless body,Thriving roses, Chirping birds,Amid me wandering in the world of Anderson,South Pole is pale and white,Tropical rain forest is vivid and wet,Lying under the magical aerosphere,Falling with gravity,Feeling the mass of air,Mixing the color of wind,Suddenly,A red monster face in the spider web,He is bleeding and frowning,My heart is bumping, My blood is pumping,Running and screaming,Falling out of bed,My dream is from dark to light.

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