Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 1 decade ago

Read and criticize my poem please?

An attempt to understand,

reaching to unveil the light.

Afraid to find a tangled web.

Still a child, unsure, insecure.

How can you test your wings

if you're not sure you have them?

Update:

no i've not read many great authors... thanks for the criticism. I'm new at this, love writing down my thoughs but definately need practice.

Update 2:

and Em your reply made me laugh. Loved your comment about hot air :)

17 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Its really good.Keep up writing, putting ur emotions in words is really a fantastics work.

    Emotions can do miracle if expressed in right way

    All the best

  • Em
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    The imagery shifts and is pretty common to beginner's anxiety, but you smartly and maturely omitted the angst, and you did an excellent job of composing your thoughts into something more people could relate with. It's really very impressive that way :)

    And oh, oh dear: whoever is comparing unhoned, young adult anxiety to Yeats-like material has no interest in really critiquing other people's developing talent, anyway. They're only here to inflate themselves on their own hot air.

  • shelby
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    once you gave me a b.a. countless days in the past, you defined your reason changed into to keep the reader guessing, extremely. I comprehend what you advise, now. If I keep in concepts properly from the first, you probably did not revise or replace a lot, if something. that's an outstanding piece of writing, fairly with the gentle sarcasm. i'll make certain the meaning is deep. although, there are nonetheless some "why's?". yet I understood your rationalization, and in view that the paintings stands, enable it stand proudly. i love the line "Cats get chased...and so on...". i am going to take this to advise the 'mice' are chasing the cats, as you're in an inverted international. It jogs my memory of "the dish operating away with the spoon". yet i ought to assert, "the dish ran away with the fork, being chased by using the spoon with a gun." useful paintings.

  • 1 decade ago

    Love the last two lines. I think you could expand off of just those two lines alone. I could see a whole "young bird being pushed out of a nest" kind of imagery being set up there.

    Anyway, nice job. And keep writing!

    Also, check out www.authorspost.com if you're interested in submitting anything else for critique by other writers.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You have a very artistic way of looking at the different views of life. Great potential is in your hands. Go ahead and grab it with both hands. You are a good thinker.

  • 1 decade ago

    The last 2 lines are great. Keep them and rewrite the rest of the poem. It has too many cliches.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's not bad. Sounds like you are afraid to leave the nest and take a shot at life

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Have you read much great poetry, like e. e. cummings, Yeats, Stevie Smith, etc.? Does yours remind you of theirs?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Loved it. good job.

    In a way, kinda sounds like me

    Keep writing

  • 1 decade ago

    I sound good. Keep writing

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.