One year later - still hurting from Divorce?

Does the pain of divorce get better. I have been divorced for a year and still hurt. I was married for 10 years and I get so frustrated because I still hurt and I still call my ex-husband like an stupid person. He has made it very clear that he is not coming back, he cheated with a friend I had for 9 years and recently had another one of my so called friends over to spend the night as she was nice enough to call and tell me about it.

16 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yes it gets better, but on average it takes most people two years to get over a divorce. So you are halfway there!

    You have to stop calling your ex! Only allow yourself to contact him if you need to talk about business - i.e. your kids, or the divorce settlement. Otherwise, throw away his phone number, delete it from your mobile phone, cut him off. It's the only way.

    Your 'so called' friend spent the night with a man who is no longer your husband, so you have no right to be upset about it. He is a free man and she is a free woman. Get over it! But she was an insensitive b*tch to tell you about it.

    Sit down, and write down all the things you like doing. Then go out and make yourself do them, even if you don't feel like it. It will help, honest.

    Also, get yourself on an online dating site. Go out with a few guys - no need to take risks, just arrange to meet for coffee. It will get you out of the house, and you'll meet some nice guys as well as some losers.

    Believe me, it will get better. My husband left me some years ago, and I thought my world had come to an end. Well, it took me a while, but I am now married for the second time, to a man who is a hundred times better than my first husband. So really, divorce turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. I'm sure it will be for you, too, though you don't think so right now!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My mom and dad got divorced at 28 years. It really hurt my mom. It took about 3 years for her to get her "center" back. To this day it still will hurt if she thinks about it too much (and we're talking 20 years ago).

    You were with someone for 10 years. It was a day, it wasn't a year, it was a decade. Cut yourself a break. FWIW, it might be worth thinking about:

    . No longer calling him - It's time to start moving on

    . Don't spend a lot of time beating yourself up over it. It happened, it's over and other than some time thinking inside about what you need to do differenlty, it's time to pick things up and go on

    . Change your routine. Explore something new. If there were things he always thought were stupid that you wanted to do... do them now and rejoice in the freedom to do it.

    . Explore your spiritual side. You don't have to feel alone because he was stupid and left you. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to explore a greater meaning for your life

    . Consider dating. He's the wrong standard. Decide the right one and start looking. Above all, just cause he was an idiot doesn't mean we're all idiots.

    I wish you the best.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    When there is a break up one person has stopped loving whilst the other still loves. 10 years is a long time to be with someone and it is a life adjusting change after a break up. Of course you are hurt, you were betrayed by people you trusted.

    Do you have children? If so only speak to your ex husband if it is relating to them. If not sever any contact as this will only add to your pain.

    If your ex girlfriends wish to ring you to share intimate news tell them you have moved on and have a new life without him or them.

    You need to go through the grieving process to move on, grieve your lost partner and go forward, take each day as it comes. Just remember once a cheat always a cheat.

    Move forward!

    You sound like a nice person and nice people deserve to be treated with respect. Remember this and Good Luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    It does get easier with in some time. It took me 3 years to get over the hurt. I was so numb for a couple of years that I told any man who was interest in me that they would only end up hurt. I didn' t know if I was coming or going. But now I see the man I married really isn't the man I fell in love with. He had changed and in fact has gotten worse. And I'm not attracted to him in anyway. Nor is there a place in my heart for the person he is now. Now if he were still the man I married, then I may still maybe having a hard time, Thank God he's not. And that's how I moved on.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 4 years ago

    It still hurts for the reason that you were, in a sense, deserted--even though your mom's leaving was once not malicious. In fact, it seems like she tried to do the correct thing through you guys, with the aid of giving you a way of normalcy (whatever that's at the present time). I consider it by and large would have been better for those who had been in a position to look her more customarily due to the fact that the effort would have given you a greater experience of remedy...That she cherished you sufficient to make time to look you. But, do not be improper: she loves you and constantly has. I think you ought to seek counseling to get to the bottom of these issues...Your therapist might also propose you speaking to your mother. Even though this may make her consider uneasy, and even shielding, you need to get this off your chest so that you could transfer on. I've had the equal disorders as you, best i've been coping with my problems with my father and his not being there. I have normally felt sad, however went into an extraordinarily deep melancholy last yr when he had a stroke. I subsequently went to a therapist early this year and am figuring out some problems with feeling deserted and my disorders with anger. I am 34 years old and ought to put this behind me due to the fact I have got to in finding some variety of peace earlier than I ruin my life. I'm hoping you do the identical. Please seek the aid. You are nonetheless younger and have so many years ahead of you: do not carry the weight of the previous for your shoulders. I will best think the experience of sadness you've got continually felt, ever on the grounds that your mom and dad divorced...You by and large have at all times battled a bit of of depression. I will be able to best say that treatment will help, if you wish to have it to. In the event you have got to speak extra, which you can perpetually contact me. Take care.

  • 1 decade ago

    You must cut off all communication with the rotten bum. You cannot call him any more. (unless it is about children) You have got to get yourself a new life and go on without him.

    Have you had any counseling to get over this? I doesn't need to be with a psychiatrist. I found help with a divorce support group sponsored by a local church. It helped me more than any other form of counseling because these people had all been through what I was going through.

    It took me two years to get over the pain of the divorce. I finally became a person that I liked. I was happy with my single life and had a lot of friends to do things with. I was able to finally stop hating the ex and be able to talk to him about the kids without getting into an argument each time. I hope you find someone to help you through. Good Luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    I've never been married but I was in a long term relationship. You need to give yourself more time to heal. However, calling your ex will not help you get over him. (though im guilty of the same lapse)

    You have to help yourself get through this. He hurt you and left you for someone else.

    Although you're still hurting, you have to set a goal and decide when enough is enough. It's all right to give yourself some time to grieve for a lost love but unless you're a masochist, you have to stop calling him.

    The less you're reminded of his existence, the sooner you'll be able to move on.

    Be with people who love you or friends who make you laugh. The more you laugh, the less you remember the pain.

  • 1 decade ago

    You might be hurting more over the betrayal than the divorce. He was someone you trusted and now you can't trust anyone else. Also your friends betrayed you as well. I would suggest that you find a counselor and talk it over with them. You are going to have a lot of hurt and awful feelings. The only way they are going to start going away is if you express the way you feel and get those ugly emotions out of your system.

  • 4 years ago

    It nonetheless hurts considering the fact that you have been, in a way, deserted--although your mother's leaving used to be no longer malicious. In truth, it appears like she attempted to do the proper factor through you men, through supplying you with a way of normalcy (some thing that's these days). I suppose it mainly might were greater if you happen to have been ready to peer her extra in most cases considering the fact that the hassle might have given you a greater feel of remedy...that she cherished you ample to make time to peer you. Yet, do not be wrong: she loves you and continually has. I suppose you have got to search counseling to clear up those disorders...your therapist may additionally endorse you speaking in your mother. Even even though this will make her consider uneasy, and even protective, you have got to get this off your chest so you'll transfer on. I have had the identical disorders as you, most effective I were handling my disorders with my father and his no longer being there. I have continually felt unhappy, however went into an overly deep melancholy final yr while he had a stroke. I eventually went to a therapist early this yr and am figuring out a few disorders with feeling deserted and my disorders with anger. I am 34 years ancient and have got to positioned this in the back of me considering the fact that I have got to discover a few type of peace earlier than I wreck my lifestyles. I desire you do the identical. Please search the support. You are nonetheless younger and feature so a long time forward of you: do not convey the load of the beyond in your shoulders. I can most effective suppose the feel of disappointment you will have continually felt, ever given that your moms and dads mainly have continually battled somewhat of melancholy. I can most effective say that healing will support, if you happen to desire it to. If you have got to speak extra, you'll continually touch me. Take care.

  • 1 decade ago

    Beleive me the pain from Divorce will get easier once you decide to move on.Do NOT call your ex anymore for anything unless it concerns children that you have together. Start dating or just going out with friends and open new doors to life and you will realize that there is more to life then just " mourning" over your ex. I speak from experience as I now have two exes and I am GLAD they are my EX!!!!!

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.