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essay intro help?

i need help i have to write an essay on my favorite place in washington does this intro sound ok plz tell the truth and how can i fix it?

You know what my favorite place in Washington is? It’s not a busy city street, a peaceful country town, or a mountain side covered in snow. It is an eighteen mile stretch of sand known as Grayland Beach. It’s on the west coast of Washington south of Westport in Grayland. In a small town filled with local shops, restaurants with home made food, beach cabins, and salty air. Grayland Beach is a lot like Ocean Shores but there are no fancy hotels, but cozy cabins and roomy hotel rooms. There are no McDonalds or other chain restaurants. Grayland is not crowed like Ocean Shores, with only about a thousand locals and vacationers going in and out year round. It’s a peaceful get away, a break from reality, and a time to relax. An unique place, different from the rest of the world where time passes with amazing grace and it peacefully flows bye.

7 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

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  • 1 decade ago

    You may want to start out more broad and make this a second paragraph. You could start by saying something along the the lines of

    When some people go to Washington they head straight for the so called "tourist traps". Crowded streets and fancy hotels attract many. Although some people find the crowds of the city to be appealing, I much prefer the secluded, less busy areas.

    This is rough but may give you some ideas.. Also, I would not use the sentence

    You know what my favorite place in Washington is? Just a thought... But I would definitely keep quite a bit of this paragraph.. The details are good.

    Hope this helps! and Good Luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    first of all, never start an essay with a rhetorical question. actually, never put a question in your essay, if you can help it.

    do you live in washington? if you do, this might work, but if not then you may not want to assume that everyone knows what "ocean shores" is like.

    other than that, it looks fine, but you mean "flows by" at the end, not "bye."

    i know you like the place, but it sounds a little bit like you're taking things out of a guide book. see if you can personalize it a little more.

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  • 1 decade ago

    What?? That's not an intro. It's a whole paper. And the first sentence doesnt make sense. NEVER NEVER NEVER start an essay with a question. I'm not going to do your homework for you, but I think you can do a lot better. Shorten it ten fold and add more of what YOU like.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Honestly, I think its bad. To have a good essay, you need to have an intro paragraph, three body paragraphs (or more), and a concluding paragraph. The intro paragraph has to inrouduce the topic and have at least three sentences. The first sentence has to be a general sentence for the whole essay. The next sentences has to intoduce the topic. The next three body paragraphs have to be about three different topics that help explain the main topic. Those three body paragraphs have to have an intro sentence and three specfic sentence each. Then, the concluding paragraph basically summarizes the whole esssay.

    I always use this chart to help me write essays:

    I hope this all helps! :]

    Source(s): Learned on how to write good essays last year in 8th grade
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  • 1 decade ago

    This is the worst essay I had ever read.

    Get rid of the first sentence and the 2nd to the last sentence.

    Replace the first sentence with "Washington is a peaceful get away place." That is your thesis sentence.

    You have to redue your paragraph because it is very irrating.

    Source(s): College graduate with a dual Bachelor degrees
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  • 1 decade ago

    First of all, congrats! It's really good..

    U might want to start with - My fav plave in Washington? Well, it's not...

    U could say - the beach is attached to a small town filled with...

    The ending is good..use the word - 'by' instead of 'bye'.

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