Recurring violent thoughts, I'm afraid...?

I have been having violent thoughts throughout my life. they stayed away for many years, until recently. they re-emerged, but this time the focus is my wife. I love her greatly and can't hurt her. I'm really afraid of what this could mean. I don't think I'm crazy, but have had depression on and off... show more I have been having violent thoughts throughout my life. they stayed away for many years, until recently. they re-emerged, but this time the focus is my wife. I love her greatly and can't hurt her. I'm really afraid of what this could mean. I don't think I'm crazy, but have had depression on and off my whole life.

I'm both embarrassed and scared of talking to other people, including doctors. What can I do?
Update: These thoughts are not my own. They feel extrernal, like someone or something is putting them there. I am not hatching any kind of plan to do anything negative. The thoughts are more like passing images. Of course, these horrible thoughts cause anxiety, whih cause me to feel sick. I am planning to see a doctor... show more These thoughts are not my own. They feel extrernal, like someone or something is putting them there. I am not hatching any kind of plan to do anything negative. The thoughts are more like passing images. Of course, these horrible thoughts cause anxiety, whih cause me to feel sick.

I am planning to see a doctor in the next day or two. I just want this to stop. It's like being forced to watch a bad movie. I just hope shock therapy isn't involved. I thought they had done away with that process!
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