I had no idea I was gonna write this much, so I figured I'd go back to the beginning and ask you to please make sure you read the whole thing, this is all with my best ingerest at heart. Good luck! Sorry to hear that you're so hurt. Love stories don't always have a happy ending. However, if you keep trying to hold on to a relationship that only wants to die, you're depriving yourself the opportunity to find someone new. I know you think that your life without this guy is an impossibility. When my first love got rid of me I cried for three days -Shhh, don't tell anyone! : ) I tried to get back with her, even if only for the sex. But eventually she got engaged to someone else and said it was best to stop talking altogether. You've had your time with this guy, so enjoy the memories but DON'T waste the rest of your life crying over a relationship that didn't go the way you wanted. If you want to, take a whole day and make yourself as miserable as you want about the situation. Cry, watch a bunch of sad love story movies, put all your energy that day into grieving the loss of your prince charming.(The guy who waited until you gave up the nookie to tell you he had to marry someone else) A real winner, right? The reason you want this guy so badly is because you've probaly never had a man walk awy from you before. I'll bet you have guys trying to get your number on a regular basis and you're always the one with the rejection card. It's driving you nuts that this dude could simply walk away after you told him he was the first to sleep with you because now he's a challenge. In other words, you're having to chase HIM! Challenge to women is like Kryptonite to Superman. You can't fight it, it just takes hold of you and you lose all power gradually or suddenly! You become paralyzed when it comes to controlling your feelings for this guy and you can't understand what's happening to you. The more he says no, the more you want him, and the more you want to make him say yes... Ok, now back to the grieving. When you're all done that day, sign yourself up for some dance classes(salsa is awesome!) so you can relax and expose yourself to guys who can move on the dance floor. It'll be fun. If you're still in school(I don't know your age) join the debate club, speaking in public about issues that are important to you will build your confidence and make it easier for you to stand up to the wrong guy next time. If you out of school already, try Toastmasters.Oh, remember to forgive yourself if your mad at yourself for the way things turned out with this guy. And CONGRATULATIONS on your first heartbreak. Everyone should know what it's like to lose someone you love, I know it feels aweful but guess what? If you feel as bad as I think you do, there's nowhere to go but up from here. Let him go, It's what's best for you. Thanks for reading this entire freekin' essay of mine and best wishes in your future relationships!