I really feel for you, I am very out going and i sometimes get a little bit like you do. it is nothing to feel bad about but it is affecting your happiness. It sounds to me that you need to start to feel good about who you are as a person and like yourself more. You sound like an intelligent young woman who is thoughtful and interesting. Not many people are able to put into words how they feel about things, the way you have.
You know, the main problem might not be that you can't open up to people, it might be that the people you hang around with are not your type of people, maybe they are just not on your wave length and in the future when you are doing a job or at college or university you will find that you are able to identify more easily and be close to others who share similar interests as you do. You sound very like me... a thinker.
I recommend this book to you, i wish i had read it when i was younger.. it is called Be your own life coach, by Fiona Harrold. It helps you to be incontrole of your life and see your own worth and how wonderful you are, and feel amazing about yourself. You sound like a great girl. Remember most of the people around you are feeling vunerable and wanting to be liked, most people aren't as confident as they appear, especially the really loud ones, it is usually fake confidence, don't become like that. Do things you enjoy, get into more hobbies and do more and that way you will have things to talk about and you will also be having a good time. Everyone is different, the world is made up of billions of different personalities and not everyone is outgoing, and that is what makes the world a wonderful place, the fact we are not all the same, it is perfectly acceptable to be introverted ( unless it is making you unhappy of course) but don't be too critical of yourself. Think about all the great things that make you who you are and make you special. Don't value your worth by other peoples opinions, instead value and love the human being that you are and are becoming. Get that book, you wont regret it, and also i think you could talk to your family about how you feel and i bet they would understand. good luck to you, have a wonderful life and enjoy being you. your unique and special so remind yourself of that 50 times a day.
All the best :)
· 1 decade ago