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My boyfriend's mom is a backstabbing LIAR. what do we do?
He is 18, still lives at home. He is doing great for an average 18 year old, he works as an HVAC installer fulltime! He has a $400 month truck payment that is hard to afford, and wants to trade it in for a cheaper payment. But for some reason his mom is not happy, and is sooo controlling of him. she is so negative and makes him feel like crap. like he is never good enough. She lies and backstabs him, he tells her things about work and his truck that he cant afford and she runs to his father and twists around his words making him seen horrible so that he gets in trouble. when he is trying his hardest. please, she is really getting on my last nerve. she doesnt like me, i know that, she is mean and makes jokes about me but then tries to act like she is playing around.but she is going to far this time. i want to say somethin to her but dont want a conflict for my boyfriend of 2yrs. what can the both of us do to solve this? i need all the advice i can get right now.thank you.plz dont b rude
We are VERY serious in this relationship and I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him, so that means i'm going to have to live with her for the rest of my life i dont want everyone hating each other in the family. but her stuff has got to stop. she dos this with his father too, when he is not around and my bf IS.she will go to my BF and talk crap about her HUSBAND! saying he cant get it up in bed and hes so mean, ABOUT HER HUSBAND! lol wow.then she does the same thing about her son.unbelievable. :]]
My boyfriend knows exactly how I feel on this subject, he also isnt sure what to do about his mother. he is hurting from her actions also, but because it IS his mom, he doesnt want to get in the middle of his mom and dad's relationship, therefore telling his dad things his mom says about him..He is so ready to move out of his house, were trying to save for an apartment but its hard with his truck payment.thats why he wants a smaller one.
- clcaliforniaLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
well......sounds like he needs to get out of the house.
Also you cant change her....the only thing you can do it change how you react to her and how you treat her.
Are you readly for a life time of this?
Is your bf prepared to possibably cut his mother out of his life?
It could be that his mom just wants him to grow up and get out on his own.
If you can get your self centered enough. Someday sit down with her and say..hey we are family, can we stop the fighting long enough to enjoy life. If she continues her ways, then why would you want such toxic energy in your life? Will this become a family tradition......dysfunctions that go on from generation to generation. How about you be the generation that changes.
- Maken traxLv 41 decade ago
simmer.... simmer... calm down.. , this isn't a battle and if you make it one you will LOOSE. Remember, You have the upper hand, his heart.
Don't, belittle his mom, tell him what to do, order, direct, inflict, attack, these have little to no value in your relationship.
Don't drag him out, move him out or push him out of his house,
Don't think moving out will be the cure-all
Don't think your right... your probably not...
Don't overpower HIS family
Don't think life is easy
Don't judge.... yes you are... so knock it off...
Don't get knocked up...your not ready
Make a plan for the future,
Save money for future,
continue your education (do something pos. in your life to allow
growth for the two of you for a future)
Look into your b/f eye's and tell him you love him.
Encourage your bf to continue education in the HVAC business, night school etc, math, business etc..
Be patient, loving, understanding
point out the positives of having your own place.. Marriage?
Do incourage his independence and to learn to live
within his means, $400. month payment... wow..
Have fun but live with-in your means
You don't need alcohal, drugs or cigeretts, you can't afford them..
.. and if you do drink, make it on special occasions, not cus it's
Friday night.... o.k.,,,, I added that as those are my pet peves...
When the time comes for him too fly... he will...
You seem a bit head strong, which isn't a bad thing cause you can see the possitive side of where you want to go and be, he can't... not till the benefits overcast his need to stay.. If you push too hard you may create a mess that will take a life time to repair...
however; when he does seperate from his mom/dad, cut the apron good and hard and you two learn too cleave too each other and not the parents... no room for a mama's boy...Source(s): my thoughts..
- Anonymous1 decade ago
That's a really, really hard situation...
Wow... Is she really a mom? A mom shouldn't be like that to people especially with his son! I praise your boyfriend for being so patient and respectful to his mom despite the backstabbing issues.
You said you'd want to talk to her but afraid it might create a conflict between you and your boyfriend, but why not try it anyway? Timing is everything. If there's a chance, talk to her. If she doesn't listen, at least she heard you. She's an adult anyway; you just don't exactly know what's going on her head. Then if it becaomes a problem between you and your boyfriend, at least you did something to help your relationship survive. Relationship is also about choices and sacrifices right? If your relationship with your boyfriend is really that important and special, and the same goes with him, then don't lose hope! You don't want his mom to win over the two of you right? Maybe his mom also has problems, she just release those angst or anger or whatever in a really, really, really bad way.
Others with similar problems get out of the house, not talk to his/her mom until she realizes her mistakes...
Also follow the do's and dont's of the girl who answered your question. Also seek help and advise from you parents or friends.
It's up to you. :)
- 1 decade ago
well if your boy friend can sell his truck and get something cheaper then you two can maybe afford to move out together .i think you should both just try and ignore everything she says as if you make a big deal out of what she says she is getting the reaction she obviously wants so if you ignore her she might just stop and if she dosent once you two are away in your own place you dont have to deal with her again .
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- ?Lv 44 years ago
about all you may do at this aspect in time, is to stay faraway from the precedence as a lot as attainable. attempt to keep sufficient for him to get out of there, without hurting too many emotions. appears like a foul positiom to be in.
- 1 decade ago
just do whatever is good for himself, anyhow his mom wont be happi nor satisfied with him. so, just do what is good for his future!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
lie back to herSource(s): as