tell me something funny.. anything!!!?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
check this out...
One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas!"
Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry kiddo. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
Little Johnny said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were 'pulling out,' and mommy said that 'you should wait because she was coming, too....'
"And I'll be DAMNED if I'm gonna get stuck with your $80,000 mortgage
- 1 decade ago
A guy goes up to a bar located at the top of a very high building. It looks like a nice place and he takes a seat at the bar next to another guy.
"I've never been here before", the first guy says. "Oh really?” the other replies, "it's a pretty good bar. You see that window over there, fourth from the right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out you'll fall about 50 feet before the wind catches you and pushes you back up."
"No way, that's impossible" the first guy says
"Not at all, take a look." With that, the man walks over to the window opens it, climbs onto the sill and jumps out. And he drops 10...20...30...40...50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh! He comes right back up to the top and sails back in through the window.
"See, its fun. You should try it", he says.
"Try it, I don't even believe I saw it!” the first man shouts.
"Here, watch. I'll do it again". And with that, he jumps out the window again, falls about 50 feet, comes to a stop, and whoosh! He comes right back up through the window into the bar.
"Give it a try, it's a blast", he says.
"Well, what the heck.” the first man says. He jumps out the window. He falls 10...20...30...40...50...60...70...80...90...100 feet and eventually splat! He ends up as road pizza on the sidewalk below.
After all this, the other guy casually closes the window, heads back to the bar and orders another drink. The bartender says, "You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk".
- DannieLv 51 decade ago
The Life Cycle
I think the life cycle is all backwards
You should start out dead and get it out of the way.
Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
- 1 decade ago
Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.
One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure.
Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation, oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.
In simple English what does this translate to????
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after!
Best OUT OF OFFICE REPLIES that you can set
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.' (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many individuals did this over and over).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
10: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
11: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
12: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
13: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.
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- 1 decade ago
"Never moon a werewolf" - Mike Binder
- 1 decade ago
my li'l bro **** in his pants n cry the whole day as if it was a big mistake... hehe. but we all did it when we were little babies right?Source(s): hahaha... sorry for him... he's eleven.
- 1 decade ago
make u smile