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Need advice?

My six year old has become very defiant.He picks on his sibling and does the oppisite of everything I tell him.Back-talks us,and everything you think a 16 year old would be doing,not a 6 year old.I have tried every kind of discipline I can think of and nothing works.Tried Club MOM and none of thier stuff works either.Got any suggestions.Be serious. I'm not going to beat him or anything.So please don't go in that direction.Alternative methods only.


I have taken away his toys and favorite things he is now groundd to his room.Only allowed outfor meals and bathroom breaks,but that still does not work

15 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need to find the root cause of his behavior. Kids act out for a reason, but he may not even know the reason. He may just be testing his boundries. Kids need firm boundaries to make them feel safe but also need to be given some choices within those boundries. Make a short list of procedures for him. (these are like rules, but everything is stated positively.) For instance, instead of writing don't back - talk, write: speak politely to parents. Keep a rewards chart for two weeks to a month and check off the things he is doing right. (If he is always in trouble, he may as well keep getting into trouble since he can't do anything right.) Let him pick a reward (within reason,) to work towards if he show improvement on his chart - look for improvement not perfection. You could also give him pretend money for things he does right and let him spend them in a good behavior store that you've set up.

    Anything that you set up for your son, you need to do with your daughter too, so that she will not be jealous and so it doesn't make it seem that you are picking out your son as the trouble maker. Also, remember that when kids want attention, negative attention will do and your son knows how to get that. You want to teach him how to get positive attention. This means that you need to put more emphasis on the things he does right, than those that he does wrong. (and this doesn't mean to totally ignore the negative behavior either.)

    I have a behavior form for kids to fill out too that works well for some kids and if you want to email me, I would be happy to send it you if want to give it a try. I also have more suggestions, but they are too numerous to email, so again, you are welcome to email me.

    I think that it would be a good idea to take your son to the pediatrition for a check up too if he hasn't had one in awhile because physical problems can manifest themselves as behavioral problems. Be sure to mention the behaviorial problems to the doctor.

    Source(s): I studied child development for many years, have five kids (4 boys,) was the site supervisor for an elementary school after school program, and am a music teacher.
  • 1 decade ago

    Seriously you need to start spanking him. When he acts that way tell him to not back talk and if he does give him a hard spank on the butt. After two or three of those with a stern face he will start to obey. Then after that all you have to do is give him a stern look and he will behave. Right now he is just testing the boundaries and he knows that you won't hurt him so he walks all over you. Now I'm not saying beat him. I'm just saying spank him.

  • Scott
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Sitting down to talk a 6 year old out of something...Mmmm, better you could take his favorite toy away for a period of time and when he straightens up he could get it back. But talking to a 6 year old my gosh they want what they want and will do what ever. Good luck...

    Well a good swat once in a great while won't hurt no body...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Did you ever stop and think that your refusal to spank him might have something to do with this? To get kids to behave you have to put some kind of fear into them...not make them afraid, but fearful. Fearful that they'll get spanked. Fearful that they'll lose their favorite toy. Fearful that they won't be able to watch TV.

    Sitting in a "naughty spot" works with some kids, but others just realize that "Well, I just have to sit here for a few minutes, then I can get up and resume running this house, doing what I want."

    A good swat on the bottom does wonders.

  • 1 decade ago

    Have you tried 'The Naughty Corner' method? Everytime he does something that you feel is wrong, put him in the naughty corner (somewhere with no TV, no computer, no games etc) and ignore him for 6 minutes (minute their age)... If he comes out of the naughty corner place him back... It seems harsh and very tricky the first time but it works :)

  • Babe
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    try time out, like the way nanny 911 does lol, or start taking things away toys games whatever. good luck! also sometime a little hit on the but is not that bad either but it's upto you

  • 1 decade ago

    I remember one way of dealing with a kid like that is to take absolutely everything out of his bedroom except maybe something simple to sleep on...when he acts up, send him to his bedroom and if his behavior improves you slowly add things back to his room...if it doesn't, well he lives without the things he loves in his room...i don't recall where i heard this method, but it i remember it working

  • 1 decade ago

    if hes 6 then you should give him 6 minutes of time out in the naughty chair.. tell him to think of what he's done and when the time is up, make sure he apologizes, and if back-talks again put him back in the naughty chair. ( he should get the hint because he will start to get tired of it)

    (whatever their age is, is whatever the time-out should be)

  • 1 decade ago

    I start taking away things that my kids like such as tv, video games, favorite toy. My kids usually get the hint.

  • 1 decade ago

    You know, I'm a firm believer that this "time out" and "naughty chair" is what's ruining our society. If he's bad, smack him on the butt. Smacking a kid on the bottom is NOT "beating". Trust me, thats what kids understand, cause and effect. Not the damn naughty chair. Pathetic.

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