How soon is too soon to begin dating after breaking up?

i've had a very unstable relationship with a person that i really care for and loved with every fiber of my being. we had a child together how is now 7 years old.

throughout our relationship, we've been on and off about three times. before our recent separation, we were separated for 3 long and painful (for me) years. When we got together again, we bought a house and for while everything was great. both our families were happy for us and everything seemed great.

But then she started going out a lot and was always coming home drunk and plastered. She didn't use to drink before this year and she really worried me. I couldn't take it anymore and split up with her about a month ago.

These past few months, prior to our separation, were lonely. No attention, no gratitude, and i was doing everything around the house. I want to start dating but at the same time, i don't know if it's too soon. Any suggestions?

Update:

I am not looking for her. I'm not holding on to her. In reality, other ladies started looking good before all of this started. I was never unfaithful and my son came first so i stayed because she still cared about our son and supposedly me. But she put our son at risk and that is why i decided to break up. It's not pity I'm looking for. It's company that appreciates my company.

12 Answers

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  • jtj
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    When you are emotionally ready to start dating again is when you should start. If you are still carrying a lot of emotional baggage around because of your tumultuous relationship, then it is not fair to saddle onto someone else. Because you do have a child however, make sure the person you do start dating likes children and doesn't have too many problems of her own. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you will know when you are ready. When you have been in a long relationship (I can relate) sometimes when you have problems there is so much hurt that its over even when you are still in the relationship. You go through a process of hurt and anger and loneliness and the "wondering why" the other person didnt want to make it work like you did. It hurts when you have to move on knowing that you loved them so much and invested so much of your time with them and they didnt seem to care after a while.

    Those feelings do go away but it really takes some time. What I did-- ok Im getting personal here but I think it may help-- I was with my bf for almost 6 years and we have a 1 yr old son and he kept screwing up and screwing up and didnt care to fix it. I figured he wasnt going to change so I ended it and I just started talking to friends about my feelings and kept myself occupied and when i accepted the fact that it was truly over and cried it all out and let the anger go I started just casually dating around just getting to know people. That was about 3 months after I ended it. I actually didnt start seriously dating someone until after getting to know them for months and by then it had been almost 6 months after we split. Until you get into another relationship those feelings dont really fade until after a long time. I think that you just need time to heal and time to get those feelings out so you dont act all crazy if you see them with someone else.

    I understand how you feel so just go with what your heart tells you--love finds you when you least expect it and everything happens for a reason. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    Dating too soon after a breakup will just lead you to hurt the next girl you find. It's just a rebound girl and you're using her to try and forget about your ex. You have to take the time to really get over her before going out to date again. When you feel your capable of giving your new girl the love and attention she needs without thinking about your ex, then you're ready to date. But that doesn't mean sit at home and mope about it. It's done with and I know it was a long relationship but there's nothing left to do about it anymore. You have to move on and find bigger and better things. Go out with your boys and have some fun every now and then. You could even try and spend some real quality time with your son. Afterall, he is the good thing that came out of that relationship right? Well, good luck to you and I hope you find someone who's going to treat you right.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you find the right person is the time.

    I've been dating a guy for almost 5 years (but with lots of problems). I met THE right person and in 2 weeks after separating me and my future husband started dating. We got married 8 months after that. We are happy now. Everything is just perfect.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think you can only decide that!! You know when you are ready to jump back into the dating scene!!! I would say that a few months like 2 or 3 should be okay to date, just not anything serious. You don't want to have a rebound girl either. Just take dating nice, easy and slow!!!! In time, you will be able to give your whole body and soul to another young lady and have something promising, just don't rush it, your time will come.

    Source(s): Last relationship, same problem!!!!
  • 1 decade ago

    When it quits being about when you ended your last relationship instead of starting a new one. You have to deal with all that baggage first. I don't know how long it will take you everyone is different. But If your still talking about ancient history and you are asking the question if it is too soon then it is too soon.

  • 4 years ago

    2 months? I understand the pick to take somewhat damage after a damage-up, yet 2 months is an eternity. I commonly receives decrease back into the courting sport commonly after the chop up. It facilitates me heal swifter when I start up courting individuals. i'm no longer going to proceed to be a monk for too lengthy after only an 8 month relationship.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you are dating someone just because you feel lonely, it's too soon. If you are comparing girls to your ex, it's too soon. If you are still hurting, and not over your ex, it's too soon. That's all I can think of for now.

  • 1 decade ago

    3 months rule. Kinda like a funeral. The proper time to mourn the relationship is 3 months.If oyu can't move on...then wait

  • Alan J
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    No such thing as too soon.

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