The truth is, abusive people try to get what they want provided to them by using demeaning techniques to hurt and control other people.
They only pick on weaker people than themselves, so I see the abuser as a total COWARD. I have observed that they do respect people others that they "perceive" to be their equals or betters.
A weaker person can STOP the verbal, emotional, or physical battery if they can come to realize why they were selected. They were selected because they are gentle and giving people that are strong enough to endure quite a bit of emotional battery.
The cowardice abuser rarely lets go of their victim.
If the victim gets filled to the brim with inability to stand the hurt any longer, the CLEVER and DECEITFUL
ABUSER will pretend to be sorry, and caring, and stop abusing long enough to get the victim back into trust again...then the whole cycle of abuse begins again.
The cycle goes from very nice and highly complimentary, and talk of being the only one's that can love as much...but then The demeaning, trickery, accusing, isolation, hurt, and meanness, and even inventing things to accuse about starts and escalates to more and more, and terribly hurtful and confusing. The victim is kept off balance with many words only meant to confuse and control.
I have observed a determined victim, that felt their very life was in danger, back an abuser down with the threat of a baseball bat...but that didn't make the abuser
magically begin to respect and love them.
Ya, they got some respect (or the bat did)
but the love is NOT in the abuser.
They DO NOT love themselves...How could tey ever love someone else???
for more information on this topic
see the Wheel showing the Cycle of Abuse at the link below
You might like to look at this site about emotional abusers.
Phase 1 - TENSION BUILDING:
"Tension increases", breakdown of communication, victim feels need to placate the abuser.
Phase 2 - INCIDENT:
Verbal and emotional abuse. Anger, blaming, arguing. Threats. Intimidation.
Phase 3 - RECONCILIATION:
Abuser apologizes, gives excuses, blames the victim, denies the abuse occurred, or says it wasn't as bad as the victim claims.
Phase 4 - CALM:
Incident is "forgotten", no abuse is taking place.
Phase 5 - RETURN TO PHASE 1
A victim that can regain their self-esteme through the love of friends or family, shout get away from the abuser totally.
· 1 decade ago