What are good substitute swear words?

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At work, you have to drop a quarter in the jar everytime you swear (it goes to charity) and I'm going broke, although half the time I'm provoked. I'm looking for some ...show more
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When I swear (which is quite often) I use real words...God d@mnit, sh!t, f*ck, etc. The thing is...when you're using a substitution for a bad word, you're still upset/angry enough to use it...What makes sh!t bad and poop not bad? You're saying it in anger, but you're just saying a different word. Does this make sense?

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I was going to pick my favorite substitute, but your answer, although on a different tack makes sense. Although the feeling is still there, real swear words really grate on people and I try not to say them out of consideration of others, in the meantime I hit the gym to ease my anger.
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  • The Chucksta answered 8 years ago
    The names of first ladys. Instead of saying Mother F*cker, say Martha Bush.
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  • mithril answered 8 years ago
    "Dang" is popular with the kiddies, thanks to the movie Cars.

    The Simpsons gave us the family favorite "Flupid floropope" and the classic "D"oh!"

    King of the Hill gave us "Gatdang", but use that one with caution.

    Scooby Doo offers "Jinkies" and "Jeepers".

    And I just realized I"ve been watching too many cartoons!!
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  • answered 8 years ago
    Crap, butt, shoot, fart, heck, etc
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  • RobinetteD answered 8 years ago
    Instead of ....
    F-ck.... Fart(ing) as in "Stop Farting Around!"....I don't have time to fart around!...You fart head! Or freak for...FREAKING A! FREAK I JUST STUBBED MY TOE! FREAKING BRA STRAP KEEPS SLIDING DOWN!

    Dammit - Say Fudge! Fudge I forgot my notebook!

    ****- Poo Poo - You POO POO HEAD! I don't give a Poop! Poop, I left the window down!

    How about: "Son Of A Beehive!"
    "Your a Wanka!"
    "Oh to Hello With You!"
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  • Heathery Lane answered 8 years ago
    Son of a buffalo chip!
    Fu kryin' out loud!
    Don't know where the last two came from. It is all about the energy behind the words though, not the particular word itself.
    Though some are more socially acceptable. I would still not want my young child frustrated enough to resort to spitting out insults.
    I was always told that someone who has to resort to profanity just doesn't have enough intelligence to think of something better to say.


    from one potty mouth to another
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  • enlightened answered 8 years ago
    I once had a friend who replaced the word sh*t with "sugar-monkey." (It's kinda fun to say.)
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  • mitsuguy26 answered 8 years ago
    Step one: instead of '*ss' say 'buns',
    like 'kiss my buns', or 'you're a buns-hole!'
    Step two: instead of '*hit' say 'poo',
    as in 'bull poo, 'poo head' and 'the poo is cold'
    Step three: with '*itch' drop the T,
    cos 'bich' is Latin for Generousity
    Step four, don't say '*uck' anymore,
    cos '*uck' is the worst word that you can say
    So just use the word 'm'kay'!
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  • Beth answered 8 years ago
    My brothers and I always said "frick" and thought we were so bad a**. LOL
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  • bbcranks answered 8 years ago
    Shoot, darn, heck, freak
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  • [ sleepy ] answered 8 years ago


    the restaurant
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  • sharebear1967 answered 8 years ago
    I say these things...

    For "God Damn It"....I say - God Bless it or God Dang It or Dang It or Gosh Dern It
    For "Sh*t".....I say - Fudge
    For "F*ck it"..... I say - Screw it
    For "your an as*whole"... I say - Your acting like a nosebleed
    For "f*cking"... I say - Freegan
    For "Your pissing me off"....I say - Your making me hot

    How about:
    Son of a Beeswax
    Son of a beach
    Son of a buscuit
    Your a bleep bleep bleep! (actually saying the bleep word)
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  • tjrj23 answered 8 years ago
    It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the critical importance of beingable to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

    Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

    TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
    TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b__ch.
    TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
    TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
    INSTEAD OF: No f______ way.
    TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me!
    TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
    TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem.
    TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
    INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
    TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
    INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
    TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn't you tell me sooner?
    TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
    TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
    TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
    TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary.
    TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
    TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
    TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss?
    TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
    INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
    Thank You, Human Resources


    found this on the net a while ago and have kept it. It produced quite a few laughs at work.
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  • adjoadjo answered 8 years ago
    Okay. Here are my personal favorite. I am ex-military, so I had a real funky, nasty, potty mouth. I had to develop unique sub words too, now that I am a Mommy.
    Instead of shut the **** up, use "Shut the front door."
    Instead of ahhh, ****, use "ahhh shuggy duggy quack quack."
    Instead of *****, use "biscuiteater."
    When you're really angry, yell "Oh pinto beans."
    Instead of what the ****!?!? Simply state, "What the duck?"
    Instead of piss, state "pickled pigs feet!"
    Hope these help!
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  • whynotaskdon answered 8 years ago
    Prestidigitator, Tamishanter, Cuspidor, Whirligig!

    look em up in dictionary!
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  • Deep answered 8 years ago
    Instead of Oh Sh*t just say "Ohhh noooooooooo"..I think that is safe..or say Ohhhhhhh God...
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  • Samantha M answered 8 years ago
    son of a birch, im gonna kick your assphault, heck, darn, shoot,
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  • tony's girl answered 8 years ago
    fudge, shiza, freak, crap, heck, darn
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  • ♥They call me mom♥ answered 8 years ago
    yuck fou, fire truck, crusty critters...lol
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  • illi23 answered 8 years ago
    "dang it", "freak", "shoot",
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  • sleepless answered 8 years ago
    I personally say
    FFFish instead of FFFuck, when minors are around.
    Shhheeepskin, instead of Shhhit.
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  • berry answered 8 years ago
    What the fish !
    Dang !
    My foot !
    Ala Mak !
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  • cheeser answered 8 years ago
    In our house we say Fudgenut! F-bomb! and Shizzle!
    Sometimes I can even bring it down to Oh man! or Oh bother! (like pooh). It's true that you either cuss or you don't but a natural reaction that is void of cuss words or its substitutes takes many years of zen meditation.
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  • sparkalittlefire answered 8 years ago
    the use of language is a habit, good or bad...

    so scroll through the million you already know till to find what rolls off your tongue the easiest....then, use that....even if it doesn't seem to fit.

    for example...
    i am a big one to say sh!t....
    so i say snot.
    its close, the kids love it, its politically correct and most of all i am comfortable with the substitution,

    changing or replacing habits or behaviors is difficult, expect to fail, keep trying, don't give up, and eventually you will be able hang out at any playground, and not offend any-ones mother!!!
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  • giantME answered 8 years ago
    well this is a good all around sub....son of biscuit eating ditch monster....kinda covers all
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  • evian answered 8 years ago
    think of things you like and say that. at my job we have a policy on pfofanity so you have to really watch what you say.
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  • Muslim answered 8 years ago
    Shoot, man, bull.
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  • WelcomeHome answered 8 years ago
    Just think of a clever phrase from a song or something. I use select lines of Shakespeare.
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  • Their Mom♥ answered 8 years ago
    what the *ell, i say what the el
    for *hit i say shoot
    for fuc* i say fizzle
    but i dont usually use *uck

    dammit i say dang it ...
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  • Consuming Fire answered 8 years ago
    Substitute swear words are kind of pointless. Either you swear or you don't.
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