How is it possible to love someone without giving up that part of yourself that is yours and yours alone?
I am a married man, I am finding it increasingly diffucult to communicate with my wife, because she is very emotional and I am extremely rational. She says that I am cold-hearted and I tell her that she is too thin skinned. Is there any medium ground for us
Please serious answers only.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
You have to keep that part of yourself, it is crucial, as does she. Just because you are married doesn't mean you give up the person you are inside. If your wife loves you she will want you to be the person she married. Also, if she loves herself she will want to keep part of herself that made her who she is when you guys feel in love. It is a compromise. You have to meet in the middle. You need a life together, but you still need to appreciate each others individuality. It is a give and take process that will need constant and continuos change. A marriage is work, but if you can compliment each other with your differences then it will be so worth the effort. Sometimes a couselor is necessary to help mediate when you first start the comprimise process. Do it sooner than later, if you wait too long there maybe too much damage to the relationship to salvage the love you have for each other. Good Luck.
- ?Lv 71 decade ago
Sounds to me like you have a life of your own - besides your marriage and your wife is depending on you for that life. She needs to get a hobby, make some friends - spend some time learning and nurturing who she is as a person not a wife. It becomes tiresome when every communication attempt is responded with as a argument. You each came into the relationship as individual people - along the way we become a couple and loose ourselves making her 'very thin-skinned' because she relies on you to see it her way. She was attracted to you in the beginning possibly because of your views - you just have to help her see that way again - it's hard but if you love her it is worth it. Counseling is helpful with this - or if that seems too extreme to you there are several couple communication self help books on the market. Good luck!
- 1 decade ago
Maybe counseling will help. Try and remember what you did at the beginning of your relationship. How did you communicate? If you could talk before there is no reason why the both of you cannot find a common ground now. You shouldn't have to give up who you are after marriage but it is easy to do. You lose yourself doing things to make the other person happy. Find yourself again. Maybe she feels lost too. Good luck!!!
- a V aLv 41 decade ago
I understand how u feel, in fact this is what i'm having with my bf as well. He is a quite rational and classical(non-romantic) guy whereas i'm emotional and want more romantic.
Well i also blamed him to be too cold-hearted, and he also said i'm too indecisive and soft-hearted; We are totally opps.
But i really love him, so everytime when we have a problem of communication, i will talk to him patiently and make sure that we listen to each other well. There is no way of blaming each other without listening to your partner's views.
Is she always complaining? This is what i always did to him and he is sometimes irritated.
There is no way to solve the problem without compromising. Since we are very different in characters, we both need to compromise, so the relationship can go on. I said to him that i will try change a bit and complain less on the small things; He said he will listen to me more and try harder to understand my feelings.
If u want to make the relationship works, compromising is essensial
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
that part that is yours alone, Isn't it really things you share with different people at different times? Some times we say things about ourselves to strangers we'd never tell friends. Its usually because were afraid of retaliation, incrimination, doubters, and not being accepted as we truly are. But if we let ourselves open up in a loving way on trivial things to start..like she says its raining out side..don't just nod, put yourself out for the marriage sake and make a personal comment..like.. I love the rain ..it makes me remember.......something something. or, it makes me feel like listening to music or...something something. Get the picture? Just do it. It seems like to much effort but its not and it will open things up and it gets easier. A touch on the hand (arm or thigh etc) when passing by. A loving glance. A 'well done' comment. IT IS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT AD UP TO A LOT. And stop the name calling..malice brings retaliation..thoughtfulness on your part will will bring you respect from your wife...She does want to look up to you! Give her the reasons to. Like life, marriage is a work in progress. Don't dwell on the bad, build on anything that is good....cook together, walk together..just for fun. Hang in there, its worth it in the long haul..and you'd have to go through the same thing again with a new woman.
- 1 decade ago
Brother I don't know what to tell you, but it seems as if you could be unhappy. You may just have to pray about it. You both seem to be hard on each other because you both share different beliefs. It's okay if you do share different beliefs, but you shouldn't call the other person crazy because they don't see it the way you do.
Sometimes if your trying to convince a person that they are giving to much of themselves, sometimes you just have to sit back and let the other get burned once or twice, it does work. I'm married, so I really do understand. Women don't like to listen just like we don't like to listen either.
Stop judging each other an be more supportive. It works.
- DarbyLv 71 decade ago
Well, all those things may be true. But the key here is communications. Set your differences aside and focus on what you want out of your marriage. Not that she's warm and you're cold--yah, you agree on that and then what. I don't know what "yours" is, but try focusing on what "ours" is. I think to remain healthy, we have to maintain our individualism, but not to the detriment of the partnership of marriage that you entered for whatever reason. When you have a problem or difference, bring it up and address it when it occurs. Maybe you weren't ment to be married.
- 1 decade ago
It really depends on what you are talking about when you are communicating with one another. I would say that everyone has their own opinions and feelings, and of course those will clash at times, but you have 2 be able to talk to each other! Just tell her how you are feeling, and maybe she will open up and tell you what is wrong?Source(s): Good luck!
- theoregonartistLv 61 decade ago
OK,.....IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE YOUNG, COMMUNICATION IS AN ADULT KIND OF THING, IT HAPPENS FOR THOSE WHO CAN APPRECIATE THE NEED FOR HONESTY AND RESPONSIBILITY. IF YOU TWO ARE BOTH ON DIFFERENT PAGES, .....A MARRIAGE MAY NOT BE THE BEST THING FOR YOU. IDEALLY, YOU SHOULD BOTH BE ABLE TO SEE THINGS FRO EACH OTHER'S POINTS OF VIEW, IF IT AINT HAPPNIN, CUT AND RUN OR GET SOME COUNSELING.
- jamnjimsLv 51 decade ago
The two of you need to come together and become one flesh one body one mind until you do this your marriage will never work that's what marriage is two becoming one honoring each other you become hers and she becomes yours.