My bf hit me, should I leave him?
He was drunk from the night before and he hit me- not bad, I'm fine I just have a bruise on my stomach. I pressed charges and put him in jail, but I love him and wat him back here. He's not a violent person and I also hit him, I didn't hurt him, it was more defending myself. I'm not one of those Passive, abused women that are in denial about their bf's or husband'd beating them. I understand that it shouldn't have happened, but I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier- b/c of the things I've done to him. I love him and I will only let him come back if we go to counseling together. Is this an acceptable thing to do? Can I give him another chance but add stipulations to him coming home?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
The fact he was drunk means he can't control himself in the first place. Drunk or not there is no excuse for hitting a woman. NO EXCUSE.
I'm a man and if I really love a woman, I would NEVER do anything to harm her, physically, emotionally or mentally. Doesn't matter how badly she has treated me. If she doesn't treat me the way I would expect then I would simply end the relationship. She simply isn't the person for me.
Now, the fact that you pressed charges against him tells us something else. First you accept that you are harsh with him, then you say he is not violent and you are surprised it didn't happen earlier, -means you got to get your act together. You are not sure who you are or what you want. Why you pressed charges if he is not violent, and you recognize you've done enough to have expected this earlier?
Perhaps you have mood swings, bad uncontrollable temper and need professional help. Maybe he is the one that should leave you. If you both still want to be together YES you both need help. He needs to control his drinking and you your imature temper/moods.
- mandLv 51 decade ago
Leave him now. Dont let him come to you - ever.
You say you're not one of those abused women but here you are
`defending him ("not bad, I'm fine"),
`making excuses for his behavior ("he was drunk from the night before"),
`blaming yourself ("but I'm surprised it didn't happen earlier- b/c of the things I've done to him"),
`and looking for anything to justify you taking him back. ("I love him and I will only let him come back if we go to counseling together. Is this an acceptable thing to do? Can I give him another chance but add stipulations to him coming home?")
You need to get out of this relationship.
- 1 decade ago
That's a sticky situation. If he's violent, he will continue to do it. I would make stipulations if you think it's a one time thing due to his drinking, and I wouldn't argue with him like that anymore. You have to change your behaviour if you want it to work out, and he will have to as well. If you are antagonizing him--STOP. Let your anger go. Walk away from the situation angering you and vent. Most likely, it will help you both to cool down. Just go somewhere and get it out of your system. Go to counseling, but if you think he'll do it again, then I'd let him go. You pressed charges against him and put him in jail, why would you want him back? It seems kind of strange.
- Green-eyed NikkiLv 51 decade ago
It's ultimately up to you... but I have been in a situation where a guy I only liked hit me, and I didn't tell anyone for a long time. After a couple months of it going on, my friend finally noticed and told my mom. Beings that that happened to me, I could never and would never stay with a guy who abused me in any way, even if it was only once when he was drunk. Though I vote against it, if you do stay with him just be really careful, and tell him he is not allowed to drink in any great amount when he's with you.
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- 1 decade ago
That's always how it starts! Many abused women start off strong and totally not the 'type' to allow that cra@ to go on. It will only get worse! It's easier to leave now than it will be the next time and the next time, because your self esteem will suffer and you'll become weaker under his thumb. Most men who hit women have a soft and gentle side too...they are not all 'bad'! I know because my job is counseling battered women. Get out now before your spirit is crushed and your heart is broken even further. You are strong now -- but if you take him back that is giving him permission to continue abusing you, and not only physically!! A guy who hits women does not value them or respect them, and only wants an object to control and dominate. Please get out before you waste your precious life energy -- the situation will age you and make you ill. I wish you the best! Aloha ~
- class4Lv 51 decade ago
In a second, You are the poster girl for how an abuser becomes one, you take him back it will happen again until you can't leave, he is in the earlier stage, go! RUN! DON'T LOOK BACK, you still has time to move, You are already excusing him when you say it part your fault, You are not one of those women? Your doubts say that you are, anyway you already know what you are going to do,you are trying to see if somebody agree with you and nobody did,you are taking him back , don't you?
- 1 decade ago
speaking from my own personal experience when a man is drunk they do very stupid things. i have been hit by my boyfriend numerous times because he was drunk, trust me they will always do it especially if they know they can get away w/ it. i never pressed charges, so maybe since this has never happened before and u put him in jail he knows that u won't put up with it and he will either get counseling, stop drinking so much, or get lost. good luck.
- 1 decade ago
No one should be hit .
Drunk not a excuse.
Sure he will said I'm sorry ,
will not do-it any more,
I don't know what happen .
To MANY woman Get hit ,To MANY woman get attach to those man and don't leave them and get hit again and again till the time come the hit do some real damage . You get get better of that , a nice and beautiful life , Man are not all like that .
You are a person , and respect should be give it to you .
Built your self respect .You are as important of any body.
leave him .
That only my opinion .
- mcpetersLv 44 years ago
no extra play scuffling with, That the first element.....It doesnt appear like your in a abusive courting merely you and him are transforming into each and every others nerves and opt to end it and be astounding to at least one yet another. Make up sex is in ordinary words reliable for a jiffy yet even as dealing in day after day existence you want to focus on whats excellent in you courting and thats not hitting one yet another. in case you going to strive against then strive against honest and dont hit because your the only which receives damage speedier than him. So be astounding and understand one yet another. It takes time even though it fairly works.
- 1 decade ago
Anybody that hits once will hit again. Alcohol frees a person from their inhibitions, which means if he hit you while drunk he is prone to hitting, and he will probably hit you again. You are surprised he hasn't hit you before for things you've done to him??? Honestly this is a toxic relationship..He is abusive you are a door mat..Get out now!