my boyfriend, one day he loves me the next he wants to leave because we are not working out the way he planned

12 hrs later and it's i love you baby. he's 45 yrs old is he going thru midlife crisis? i dont think there is another woman. i think he's trying to prove he's still got the goods, and he has been having problem getting an erection. he does have a father who is very ill, could it just be stress and worry? suggestions on how to handle the behavior. i know he loves me and he's trying to push me away. help, need directions to save this relationship that really is a great one. sex or no sex, it's a good one!

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Listen to yourself!! "...he loves me and he's trying to push me away..." Ask yourself this question....WHY PUSH AWAY SOMEONE YOU LOVE??? A "great" relationship doesn't (and shouldn't) include indecisiveness about whether to leave or not.

    OK..some men are insecure about erections, but maybe Viagra (supposedly) will get him some results or just seek professional medical advice.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your boyfriend seems to have a very shakey concept of what it means to be in a relationship. It's true that any person under stress will feel insecure in their personal relationships, and will see problems in the relationship in a much worse light, but a person who has a good concept of what it means to be committed to a relationship will also know that a relationship worth keeping will survive rough patches and stressful times. I'm sure he has feelings for you, but it would be good to catch him in a moment when he's not under a high amount of stress and ask him what he wants in the relationship that he sees that he's not getting, such that he'd want to leave you. I would also be curious as to how aware he is of your needs in the relationship. Does he know that you see this relationship as something he's sometimes into and sometimes out of? He needs to answer these questions. It's very important in a relationship for each person to really understand the other person's perspective, wants, needs, fears, etc.

    Source(s): I'm a Mental Health Counselor, who's read more books on this topic than I care to list.
  • 1 decade ago

    Hang in there honey! I have been married for 10 years and we have both said that we are through with each other, but, recently, we took a vacation, by ourselves and really had a chance to communicate with each other and decided that our love was worth a damn!!!!!!!!!!! My husband thinks that sex is what a good relationship is based on, I say it's trust, so we compromised and we plugging along just fine. Good luck to 'ya.

  • 1 decade ago

    why are you sitting around waiting for him to decide what he's going to do with your life? if you are going to stay and want to save the relationship start sticking up for yourself, something like i know your dad is ill and i'm sorry but you aren't going to treat me like crap because of it. if you want to go then dont let the door hit you but if you are going to stay i expect that you will quit playing games and be really here. you don't want to make this a habit and you dont want him to learn that he can treat you as badly as he wants and you'll still be there, you will just be miserable. lastly, words are just words, believe what his actions are telling you not that its i love you baby later on, if what he's doing doesn't say he loves you then he doesn't.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If he cant get an erection, it's b/c you do not turn him on any more. Why don't you leave him alone, he wants a young chick with a tight firm body, it's just that simple. Why do you want to keep him? You are so selfish....

    Source(s): "Older Men dig Young Chicks", a fact of life
  • 1 decade ago

    Get JOINT counseling, and if he walks away or doesn't cooperate, dump him.

    He's hiding a lot from you. His real problems will come out after his father dies and he is "free" to be who he really is.

    Only he can "save the relationship" and that doesn't seem to be a priority with him.

  • 1 decade ago

    he is having second thoughts. its depends on you how you can help him and give him an assurance that we will live wiht each other thick or thin that will help him get into a decision. Note that he is 45, so he will have diffierent views and you need to understand him

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