Is it true that men try to change the women they date?
I was talkind with a friend of mine about her brakeup and she said that her ex at first was atracted to her becaose of her spunkiness and the fact she always stud up for what se belived ,and at the end before they broke up he caondemned her for being indepedent and for stiking u for herself ..anniway to make a long storry short He blamed her for faving the same qualities that brought them together.So is it true ..? Do men try to change thir girlfriend ....to change certain aspects about their personality so that she would seme unatractive to other men ..?
And if so why..?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
When I met my husband he was attracted to my independence, strong will, outspokedness and brains. He never tried to change me.
He still tells everyone those are the qualities he loves so much about me.
- 1 decade ago
Let me say that men will try to change a woman, but if she's head strong it won't happen. A woman only changes if she wants to be. You change only if it doesn't conflict with your ways of doing things. A woman should always stand up for what she believes in. The man is a power house, but his control minimul in a household or relationship. Trying to be a full captain of a relationship isn't the way to go for him and he'll soon find that out if a woman will just stand her ground. A woman should keep that spunkiness always. Young women are always going to the attraction of other men. She just has to control the situation.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It is not uncommon for people, men and women, to try to change the one they are with the most. The reasons can vary but it is often that they finally see through the illusions that attracted them to each other originally and they don't like what they finally see.
Once they really see the other person with more realism, they want to change them to what they want them to be like. Of course that leads to frustration as people are not as flexible in changing as they might think they are or others are. This can force people into strange acts, pretending to be someone they are not to please the other. Or worse. Breaking up is sometimes the only sane thing to do.
Learning to accept your loved one for what and who they are is a pretty difficult thing to do, once the rosy visions of bliss wear off. It is a measure of the maturity of the two people involved, and, quite frankly, many people are not all that mature.
This is a good reason to date someone who has the same values as you have. It is hard for people coming from different values and priorities to ever agree on things.
- karaokecatladyLv 51 decade ago
Ironically, it's true...wrong 2 do, but true. Also, it's just as wrong for us women 2 do the same thing. Nagging never works. Only God can change people & He'll only help if the person wants 2 change. He forces nothing.
Adults can't change other adults. It's a waste of time trying. Accept the person or go separate ways. Secure people don't need 2 bully other.
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- 1 decade ago
The qualities that attract a man to a woman might attract him because she is new and different. Then as the relationship goes on, he might discover he doesn't like different and try nudging the woman back closer to what he's used to.
Abusive men will deliberately choose someone they want to change, because their whole reason for being in the relationship is to prove to themselves that they have the power to force someone to change, and women who think they are 'in love' will tolerate their criticism and complaints.
If someone is always critical, why would anyone want to be with that person? They obviously don't like you the way you are. Say goodbye, and find somebody who does like you as-is.
By the way, women do this too, it's not just the guys.
- 1 decade ago
Yes, I think most people (men and women both) try to change the things they don't like about the person they're with. The extent they try to change someone depends on their personality. This can happen with the best of intentions--often you feel like you're "helping" the other person, and certainly the people we're closest to can make us better people. But you can't change someone more than they want to change, so conflicts can arise if you want to change something about someone and they don't want to change it.
Also, in this case, people often are excited about some new and exciting aspect of a new boyfriend/girlfriend, but while it may have helped them come together they may not have realized the long-term implications. Someone who is independant can be very impressive, but also less likely to give up that independence to move in together, have kids, etc.
- 1 decade ago
Yes and for the same reason women try to change their men. we all have our own ideal what the perfect mate will be like and most people with common sense know chances of finding a "real" person that meets that ideal are zilch. In a truely dedicated relationship with love, making a few changes for and from each person should be expected on equal levels. Then theres insecure idiots like your friends ex who want a comfort blanket to squeeze when they don't feel they have control over another aspect of their life, this is one of the main causes of domestic violence. luckily not all men are like that but they are out there. she should consider this a experiance to help her avoid other losers like him.Source(s): have idiots like that in my family
- Amy PLv 41 decade ago
It would be quite a generalization to state that all men try to change the women they date. Obviously some men do so, but some women try to change the men they date, too. This man may have done so, but it doesn't mean that all men do so. This seems to be a situation where the couple just wasn't meant for eachother.
- Yoda's DuckLv 61 decade ago
Some men do... and so do some women... I think it's human nature to want to "fix" things about another person.
Regarding changing your sweetie to make them unattractive to others, I don't think I ever did, at least I hope not. I think I was more the kind to happen upon a quality I didn't like, and want to change him so he's easier to live with... which is still not particularly nice, and I know it...
Now, when my husband does something that bugs me, I tell him it bugs me, and why it would be in his best interest to change that behavior... usually my rationale with him is "Happy wife, happy life...."
- 1 decade ago
Yes, all the men in my life that I have dated do that very same thing.
However woman are just as bad for it too, so don't be fooled.
We are all human and have are good points and bad points.
Because we as people want what makes us happy and when we get it we want to change it. People change on a constant basis anyways so its all a matter of time.
- 1 decade ago
Indeed both men and women attempt to change the other in differing degrees in a relationship. I feel badly for your friend and am sorry this happened to her. She is lucky to have realized what her boyfriend was trying to do early in the relationship. Most men and women are attracted to someone who is strong, has their own belief system and are true to themselves. I hope she finds a fellow that will like her for 'who she is' and not for what he 'wants her to be'.