How can we reduce the 50% divorce rate in America?
My husband and I are both 26 and will be celebrating our 4th anniversary this month. We are both very much in love and have a 10 month old son together, but just like many other couples out there we have our fair share of arguments and disagreements. I would like to think that we'll be happily married for as long as we're both alive, but the statistics aren't in our favor. I would like to know what I can do to ensure that my marriage will be happy and healthy and not end in divorce, and also how to help the rest of the married couples in America to stay happily married as well.
The divorce rate in this country is ridiculously high. There has to be a way to help keep families together. Divorces and broken homes lead to so many other problems, and I think that reducing the divorce rate needs to be a higher national priority.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
People probably dive into marriage too soon without learning about the other person's highs and lows. I think if you have tried to live together before getting married and living a life of married people but not officially married, and are able to get along, then you won't divorce. But that is my opinion.
- butterfliesRfreeLv 71 decade ago
If you live your life by statistics, then you may end up being one. It is not true that everyone gets divorced. I don't know where the 50% came from. Every relationship has it's problems - some end up severe while others are normal. If you were married to a man who beat you or abused you, you would probably divorce him, right? That happens more than you know (the drug/alcohol statistics up too so.....adds to the problems). If it make you feel any better, I am 48 years old and have been married for 25 years. We've had very serious issues too - we've lost everyting. Things have been horrible for the past 10 years but ya know what? We are still married. With serious problems come complications. You have to work at a marriage. I hear people say "I'm so excited - I'm getting married" and all they are really thinking about is the wedding itself and the fact that they love to be with this person BUT THEN comes the hard part.. I really think that everyone getting ready to get married should go to some sort of marriage counseling where the most major issues in a relationship are brought up: children, finances, in-law issues, pets, cleanliness (yes, sound stupid but one is going to be pickier than the other - small conflict). Small conflicts can turn into big conflicts --- it happens. When all the cards are on the table after all these issues and others are discussed ahead of time (without just the fairytale happy ending - and it is rarely a fairytale) THEN you can make a good decision based on your head and your heart at the same time. I hope your marriage does work. You are headed in the right direction. It is give and take 100% of the time. We (people) aren't always willing to do that. Me included. None of us are perfect - we all have flaws. Can you love unconditionally? That is important. Can you forgive if one makes a mistake? People make mistakes. Some aren't always willing to forgive - that can eat at the relationship for years until it is destroyed. You know what you should really do? Live each day one day at a time - enjoy each other and don't take each other for granted, stand by each other, talk to and not "at" -- everyone has an opinion or point to make and they deserve to speak it. We all deserve respect - respect each other. You don't know how long anyone is going to live - don't think 40 years down the road. If you think that way, you'll miss out on the NOW. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!!!!
- 1 decade ago
There is nothing that you, alone, can do to ensure your marriage will be happy. That's something that you and your husband need to work at, together.
And, even with your (and his) best efforts, your marriage may not work out. People change with time, and sometimes grow in different directions. Divorce, sometimes, is a better alternative than staying together.
I was first married at age 25, to my girlfriend of 6 years. We were divorced 4 years later.
My second wife and I have been married for over 20 years. This wonderful marriage I'm in now would not have happend had I not been divorced.
Work hard at your marriage, make it a top priority. But you need to do what's in your (and your child's) best interest. For example, if your husband became abusive, staying married should not be your top priority.
By the way, arguments and disagreements is not the problem. It's good you communictate openly about this.
- 1 decade ago
Help people make the right choices the FIRST time. Keep this in mind--the divorce rate is fueled mostly by individuals that have ALREADY been married and divorced. So the repeaters are making the rate high. Also, in general, if you ask 65 year olds if they've EVER been divorced, only 30 to 35% will say yes. So there's a ton of us staying married and a few people marrying over and over again (my Hubby's a marriage professor at a university in Chicago).
I can speak from experience - my Dad's a repeat marrier (5x). I think he's got to be changing the rate some how!
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- dohm84Lv 41 decade ago
I see so many people in high school with wedding rings talking about how they are getting married. I think people getting married hopping it will "fix" a problem that they are already having. But it really only adds to it. Or they get married because the girl gets pregnant and they think it’s "The right thing". I've been married for almost 2 years and I'm 21 years old. I've very happy and my Husband is in the Air Force so our divorce rate is even LOWER then just a normal married couple. I’m not sure what you think, but I’m not for gay marriage for the simple fact that marriage is not important to people anymore, it’s just a think they do and divorce I so easy that is something they also do. Getting married is like “going steady” if it does not work you just break up (but it would be a divorce) I think in order to make a marriage work you both have to be all in. Never yell at the other person, even if you are mad. When I'm upset I write it in a diary. Most things you get upset about are not working arguing about. If I write it down and in a week it’s still bothering me, then I will talk about it. But most of the time I forget about it. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years and we have never yelled at each other, we have never said "I hate you" to each other. I would never yell at someone I love. Just make sure you always talk about things. And never give up on your marriage without a fight. (Not a yelling fight, but don't through the towel in over spilt milk) I've always said the only thing that will make me divorce my husband is if he cheats on me. Anything else can be fixed with time and talking. Good luck and don't let other people life your life and relationship for you. Congrats on 4 years!
- Angie P.Lv 61 decade ago
People don't want to work just to keep what they have. We live in a "replacement" society. Microwave broke? Go buy a new one! Spouse getting on your nerves? Get a divorce!
With all of our technological advances, we have lost the most basic and precious of commodities . . . our humanity towards each other. Sometimes I believe that we were better off 40, even 50 years ago (I'm 34); back in a time where people were more willing to fix what's broken and not rush out to find something new and improved.
For the record, I'm on my second marriage. I divorced my first husband due to his drug addictions and sexual abuse and we have a daughter together. His new wife is very controlling and dominering; I guess that's what he needed.
I've been with my current husband for 14 years and married for one. We have three kids together. There have been ups, downs, break-ups and reconcilliations, but we have always tried to put the kids first no matter what.Source(s): Mom of two girls (16 & 13) and two boys (6 & 1)
- nanawnutsLv 51 decade ago
We live in a disposable society. The 50's and the 60's are to blame for the attitude we have today...if it feels good do it. Marriage has just become another factor of the philosophy of that generation. We have also allowed a generation of idiots who don't know squat about commitment and faithfulness. We won't be seeing a change in this trend any time soon. Not with the commercialism in all areas of life perpetuated by the media and Hollywood. Hang in there. Having a happy marriage takes work and it takes a lot of forgiveness. Both of you have to give 100% to the relationship. It can be done. You have a good start. Both of you have to agree that divorce is not an option and do what you can to prevent it. Good luck. Nana
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I know how you feel. I'm about to get married in a month, and the divorce rates are a bit scary. Especially for military marriages, which mine will be. Just continue to work on keeping your relationship smooth as can be. Don't let the divorce rates get to you, because you do NOT want to think that you might just end up being another statistic.
As long as you both are loyal and the communication is strong, things should work out fine. The concept of arguments isn't going to go away, even the happiest couple is bound to have them, it just depends on how you handle them.
- christopher sLv 51 decade ago
Stop racing to divorce attorneys every time one of you has a disagreement with the other. Marriage isn't a vacation. It's work-- decades of it that never slows down and never ends. My mom and dad are getting close to 52 years. There have been many arguments and disagreements since October of 1954. But the overriding factor in their continued marriage is that they love each other, they love their kids (we're all in our middle and later 40s, now) and they understood from Day One that this wasn't going to be a picnic. It was going to take work and the rewards wouldn't be seen for years and years to come. Today's kids want everything to be perfect from the moment they say "I do." It ain't that way. Sorry.
My mom once told me that marriage would be the toughest job I'd ever have. My dad also told that the best thing in life is a good marriage. He added that the worst thing in life is a bad one. I took that lesson to heart and never married. I figured they knew about what they were talking...
You don't have to use statistics as your guide in this matter. To say we failed because others did is a crutch. Your marriage will survive or fail based upon what YOU do to create that result. My dad told my brother that DEVOTION is the key to staying married. If there is no devotion, then there is failure on the horizon. Devotion means the husband does everything he can to make the lives of the wife and kids the best they can be. He always takes a backseat to them. If the kids need money spent for something important, then dad's fishing trip is cancelled-- no ifs, ands or buts. My dad has done it this way for almost 52 years. He won't even spend $10 to go play golf; he feels guilty that he might be leaving either my mom or one of us kids short. He is of the mindset that a man is to do all he can for his wife and kids. He even paid-off my sister's $66,000 credit card debt to keep her credit rating good. He's not a wealthy man in terms of dollars and cents, but as a true FATHER, he's a multi-billionaire in units you can't measure.Source(s): My beloved father. God truly blessed me when He gave me my mother and father.
- PadmeLv 51 decade ago
I believe that most married people think that a good marriage just "happens". The truth is that a good marriage takes work (just like the other good things in life). People grow and change, and no, you don't feel the same way you did when you first got married. That's natural. Both people have grown up and the marriage needs to grow up too.
I agree with you. Something needs to be done to help preserve the sanctity of our marriage vows in this country. Divorce hurts WAY too many people.