Tell me some naughty jokes/! preferably involving nuns.?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The Hippie & The Nun!

    A Hippie was riding on the bus, and was sitting beside a Nun.

    He said to the Nun, "I want to make love to you!"

    The Nun replied to the Hippie, "I am a Nun, I can not have sex."

    Shortly afterwards the Nun got off at her stop.

    The Bus Driver calls the Hippie up to the front of the bus and says, "I know how you can make love to that Nun..."

    The Hippie asks, "How?"

    "Well," said the driver, "Every Tuesday at midnight the Nun goes to the cemetery and prays. If you dressed up in robes and had some glowing stuff on your face you could pretend you were God and demand sex from her."

    "Good idea," the Hippie said.

    So on the next Tuesday night he gets dressed up in some robes, puts some stuff on his face to make it glow and goes to the cemetery to wait.

    Sure enough the Nun showed up just before midnight, kneeled down and started praying to God.

    The Hippie steps out in front of the Nun, face glowing, robes moving in the breeze and said, "I'll answer your prayers Sister, but first you have to make love to me."

    The Nun is shocked to see God in front of her. She said, "OK, but it must be anal sex as I have to keep my virginity."

    "Fine," said the Hippie.

    The Nun then kneels down, pulls up her dress and the Hippie does his thing.

    When he is done he stands up, whips off his robes and yells, "HA! HA! I am the Hippie!"

    Whereas the Nun stands up, whips off her clothes and said, "HA! HA! I am the Bus Driver!"

  • 1 decade ago

    a young missionary and a young nun is on a mission to some remote village. they gone so passionate during their mission that they forgot it's dark already. so, they decided to stay at the inn. but the inn only got one room left so they have to sleep in one bed. after they both take a bath, the nun ask the miss. whether he need a massage concerning it's been a tiring (even though satisfying their soul) day. the miss. agree but only when he's allowed to do the same for the nun. so, the nun start the massage. her hand goes down and down, and by chance, touching the miss.'s mr.p. all of the sudden the miss. shout "stop it my sister! it's evil!". the nun seem sorry to have done it. and then the miss. ask the nun whether she want a massage, and then he begin to massage the nun, and by chance, touching the nun's veggy. all of the sudden the nun shout "stop it my brother! it's hell!". the missionary, blinded by his libido that has go up when he touch the nun's veggy, shout back unpatiencely, "so why we don't take this evil to hell right away my sister!". caution: this only a joke, don't mean to harras or negative meaning to any other thing outside this joke itself. thank you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Came across in school:

    A Priest did a **** with a nun and sang

    Holy Father over you

    Holy **** inside you

    Holy Altar under you

    Holy water passing thru

    Ps: Oh God, pls forgive me...this is meant to be only a joke, eases off lot of work pressure.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Do you know how to get a nun pregnant?

    Dress her up like an alter boy!

    A man snuck into a window, went over to the bed, covered the girls mouth, and raped her. As he was leaving he noticed her habit hanging on a hook. Shocked, he turned to her and said "Oh no, I did not realize you were a nun, I am so sorry. What will you tell the priest?"

    The nun calmly turned to him and said "Well my son, I must tell him the truth, that you broke into my room and raped me twice... unless you are tired!".

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  • dkny
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

    Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

  • 1 decade ago

    two nuns are in a car stopped at the lights when suddenly a man climbs onto the bonnet and starts jumping up and down. sister chlothilde turns to sister mary and says "for the love of God, your man can't know we're nuns or he wouldn't be acting like this- get out the car and show him your cross" so sister mary gets out and screams "get off my f***ing car you piece of s**t"

  • 1 decade ago

    subject: the pastors ***

    the pastors ***

    the pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. the pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race and won again.

    the local paper read:PASTORS *** OUT FRONT

    the bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

    the next day the local paper read:BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ***.

    this was too much for the bishop. so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

    the local paper read:NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN.

    the bishop fainted.he informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

    the next day the paper read:NUN SELLS *** FOR $10.

    this was too much for the bishop so he ordeed the nun to buy the donkey backand lead it into the plains and let it run wild.

    the next day the paper read:NUN ANNOUNCES HER *** IS WILD AND FREE.

    the bishop was burried the next day.

    the moral of the story is...being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery..and even shorten your life.

    So be yourself and enjoy life..stop worring about everyone else's *** and you'll be alot happier and live longer. have a nice day.

  • 1 decade ago

    A priest was in his room and realised that his rooster was missing. He decided 2 bring it up in Sunday Mass.

    Right before the seremony the priest asked, "Who has a c o c k?" all the men in the room stood up.

    The priest said "NO,No,NO. Who has seen a c o c k?" all the woman in the room stood up.

    The priest said "NO,NO,NO. Who has seen my c o c k?". All of the nuns stood up.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Best Little Convent in Texas

    A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

    SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

    HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

    10 MILES

    He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and he drives on

    without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says:

    SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

    HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

    5 MILES

    Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real....Then he drives past a third sign saying:

    SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS

    HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

    NEXT RIGHT

    His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On

    the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

    SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

    He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

    He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

    "Very well, my son. Please follow me."

    The man is led through many winding passages and is soon quite

    disoriented.

    The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

    He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup.

    He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling

    it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

    GO IN PEACE.

    YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED

    BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

    SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Here is one::

    "Here is Father's Lodge' & Nearby, there is Nun's Hostel' & Next to it is 'Orphanage'! Good Combination, community life, eh?

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