do I stay in marriage if I still love him but we fight alot?
We fight mostly about money cause we have over $4000 in bills per month. Also, my family has just now started to come around to him because of him being rom Canada and also they think he is the reason I followed through with the divorce from my ex.(NOT, he was an alcoholic and drug addict) Also, my oldest son's (from prev. relationship) grandparent's don't like him cause he tries to discipline him, which his dad won't do. It's like the whole world is against us. He loves me and I love him, but the stress is getting to both of us. Sometimes I think I should let him go, but I don't know if I could wake up everyday and not talk to him. Our fights always end with someone saying they're going to leave or him saying I'm a bi*** or that he doesn;'t love me anymore. I have very little self esteem left and he wonders why i'm not the person I was before. There's more than I could fit here. I just don't know what to do anymore. Can anybody relate?
- Anonymous1 decade agoBest Answer
My heart goes out to you. Hope I can help.
You have not been clear if his words are emotional abuse...it that why your self esteem is hitting bottom?
If that is the case, then KNOW he won't abuse you if you make yourself EQUAL to him, and that is NOT done by arguing.
It takes smarts and bravery to NOT argue. You have to THINK when the other person is tantruming. Let them say what they want. Then treat them as you would a child trantruming, and tell him that you stand firm on what you said, and when he is done with his tantrum, you will be glad to give his opinion validation.
Remind him that you two ALWAYS have the option on ANY subject to agree to disagree. Then let it go.
Get the budget under control, and pay the bills ahead of time from now on. PLAN you ANNUAL budget AND your monthly budget. Stop shopping for fun...use a LIST and stick to the list.
If you need to get a part time job to help pay down the bills, then do it with a good heart. These times are not easy on expenses, so we have to learn to live on le$$.
He married you Hon, so he loved you. He doesn't love the problems that have surfaced. Remind him of that, and offer the solution (above)...he'll love you all the more for taking this kind of control.
After you get all that in order, if the emotional abuse continues, you'll need to deal with that with this knowledge. Abusers DO NOT pick on people that are strong. They only make weaker people their victims. So make yourself as strong or stronger than him, and that problem SHOULD resolve itself.
IF IT DOES NOT, you have options...and that will be another post for that kind of help...or see a counselor.
I wish you love
- 1 decade ago
Well money is the evil of all of use!! Remember when you got married you said for better or worst? Well if money is all you got to worry about then you don't have any problems. You should sit down and tell each other there will be no more yelling and putting each other down.You should tell him how you feel about him and how you feel about what he says to you! You should listen to what he say about how he feels about you! Then you should set a pack and tell each other you do not want to fight no more!! If you feel like your going to yell count to 10 if need do it out loud so he knows your upset. If this does not work then take a walk until you can talk. This goes both ways you both can do this.So if your marriage is worth working on and you do love each other then work on it.Don't let your family come between you and make him out to be the bad guy remember you would not leave anybody unless that is what you wanted. It sounds like you want to be with this man, because if you didn't then why are you here asking for help.If talking to each other does not work and you still want to be with him then seek help from a consular. Good luck on your new life of less stress and remember yelling does not help it just piss off the neighbors. LOL If you need someone to talk to IM me or e-mail me i hope i can help..
- peeryLv 43 years ago
In a nutshell, you're saying that he's an outstanding guy and also you've your human being themes. Your themes gained't magically be resolved in case you unload your husband. you'll only be coping with them on my own with the further guilt of forcing your baby to handle divorce. And why in the international would you're making a existence-replacing decision once you're not any more emotionally or mentally reliable? None people imagine obviously at those cases. Following your heart is a load of crap. Our hearts are fickle and continually searching for someone else to make us chuffed. that's no longer smart or maybe real looking. Love is a call. it really is not any longer person-friendly to save the fires going after assorted heritage has handed between you 2, yet love does strengthen and wade through tiers. study about them, resume engaged on your self, and do not take the path of least resistance only because doing the right component and making the necessary alterations calls for further attempt. once you get to the different component to this demanding era, the benefits is tremendous and your marriage will be seriously enriched. maximum anybody isn't making it that far because they're quitters. regardless of what's befell on your previous, your husband has realized from his blunders and grown into an outstanding better half now. that's what concerns. don't be a quitter. it really is not any longer admirable or honorable, and the gratification is shallow, momentary and deceptive.
- 1 decade ago
Please go see a councilor. It seems like the two of you are having trouble dealing with the stresses of life and it's taking a toll on your relationship. That doesn't mean you don't still love each other, it just means you are letting other things cloud your judgement and it's causing you to forget how much you love each other.
Step one - stop using the word "divorce". No one is going anywhere. When you come to terms with the fact that leaving each other is not an option it opens up the possibilities of dealing with the issues and resentments that have built up.
Step two - go to a marriage councilor. I think a professional can really help you two get back on track. You both have to be strong and willing to fight for your love. Marriage is NOT easy. You have your ups and your downs. So, you're stuck in the downs right now - you have to be willing to fight your way back up (together) and not so willing to just throw it all away - because that's the easy way out.
Hang in there and good luck!
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- 1 decade ago
If he is bad for your self-esteem, you need to move on. And any part of him that still loves you would want that for you. Nobody wants to be the cause of someone feeling less about herself.
The truth is, the world isn't against you. But, it isn't for you either. It might help your relationship if your family was supportive, but the foundation has to come from the two of you.
You can love someone, many someones, and it won't work for a variety of reasons. Stop blaming and just look at it. It's not good. It's not heading in a good direction. Love him and let go.
- 1 decade ago
Just because you fight, doesn't mean you should call names or quit. You two need to learn a healthier way to communicate your frustrations and desires. Get thee to a counselor or a library for some self help books. Oh as long as he's as willing to find a better way with you. If he isn't then...... well either deal with it or move on. Either way, I wish you luck, I hope you find happiness in your life besides a relationship with a man. Maybe if you focused on building something that you can be esteemed about, like a new hobby or skill. Don't rely on anyone to lift you up, be lifted up by the things you do, I can tell you're a strong woman. Good luck.
- 1 decade ago
I can completely relate. You guys have experienced a deterioration of the your relationship, and it's very hard to repair something like that.
I'd strongly suggest couples counseling. You need to learn how to 'fight fair.' Not every fight has to end with someone being called a name or threatening to leave. Counseling can help with that.
My only other thoughts are that people who don't like you being with a certain person...their opinions don't really matter. They're your family, they should want you to be happy. And if they don't...screw 'em. The only person you can make happy is yourself. If you love this guy and think there's something to salvage in this relationship, please get some counseling and see if you can't make it work.
Good luck. :)
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Fighting, or arguments go hand in hand with marriage. The idea is learning how to maintain a level of respect that gives you a certain guidline to follow. You are in a marriage with your husband, and owe no explanationa to anyone else, unless there is illegal activities, or abuses that family members notice.
All issues could be resolved, but the abusive things that he said to you caght my attention. Calling you the b word, telling you he doesnt love you anymore, and that he will leave, will deteriorate your self esteem. It takes your feeling of stability away. Try consentrating on yourself, make yourself feel good, dont wait for your spouse to.
- 1 decade ago
me and my husband fight a lot, but not over bills. we fight b/c i stay home with our son and can't always clean the house like he wants it done. i've finally come to realize that saying all that stuff when you're mad doesn't help anything at all. it just gets thrown back in your face in the next fight. i've started writing all i have to say in a note for him to read when he gets home. i then leave for a little while to give him time to think about it, and how he feels, and what he wants to say. it's helped. now we actually sit down and TALK about it instead of yelling at each other. there's no more name calling, and it's less stressfull. try it once and see if that works.
- 1 decade ago
YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE ANYONE ELSE.....SIT DOWN TOGETHER, WORK ON A PLAN TO PAY OFF THOSE DEBTS,,,,STICK TO IT,,,,DO IT,,,,,GET THAT PRESSURE OFF YOU, AND THEN FIND A CHURCH TO ATTEND TOGETHER AS A FAMILY