My heart goes out to you. Hope I can help.
You have not been clear if his words are emotional abuse...it that why your self esteem is hitting bottom?
If that is the case, then KNOW he won't abuse you if you make yourself EQUAL to him, and that is NOT done by arguing.
It takes smarts and bravery to NOT argue. You have to THINK when the other person is tantruming. Let them say what they want. Then treat them as you would a child trantruming, and tell him that you stand firm on what you said, and when he is done with his tantrum, you will be glad to give his opinion validation.
Remind him that you two ALWAYS have the option on ANY subject to agree to disagree. Then let it go.
Get the budget under control, and pay the bills ahead of time from now on. PLAN you ANNUAL budget AND your monthly budget. Stop shopping for fun...use a LIST and stick to the list.
If you need to get a part time job to help pay down the bills, then do it with a good heart. These times are not easy on expenses, so we have to learn to live on le$$.
He married you Hon, so he loved you. He doesn't love the problems that have surfaced. Remind him of that, and offer the solution (above)...he'll love you all the more for taking this kind of control.
After you get all that in order, if the emotional abuse continues, you'll need to deal with that with this knowledge. Abusers DO NOT pick on people that are strong. They only make weaker people their victims. So make yourself as strong or stronger than him, and that problem SHOULD resolve itself.
IF IT DOES NOT, you have options...and that will be another post for that kind of help...or see a counselor.
I wish you love
· 1 decade ago