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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 1 decade ago

Why is my boyfriend like this? Guys Only?

I love my boyfriend very much but sometimes he drains me. One minute he could be a sweetheart the next minute he is a total a$$.

Sometimes when he can't get his way like if I am tired from work because I work like 12 hour shifts. He lives like 50 mins away and thats taking the expressway. If I am late just a minute he throws a fit. When a guy looks at me he goes crazy but if a female looks at him thats ok. He always looking for new ways for me to show my love for him such as peforming a n a l sex or getting a tongue ring its always something painful or something that I am scared to do.

Sometimes when I say I want to lose weight because I am 5'1 140lbs he gets upset because I want to get back down to the weight I was when I was 125lbs. I believe thats because alot of guys were flirting with left and right. I dont what to do because I want to talk to him but each time I want to have a serious talk with he flys off the handle what should i do? We have been together for 3.5 years.

14 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You are right that he does not want you to be attractive to other males. He is doing a CLASSIC job of controlling you.

    He if fault finding every way possible, even if you're a couple seconds late...

    Realize: It is NOT about you being "LATE"...IT IS an excuse to berate and demean you. He is keeping you on the defensive.

    Also: making you do things you don't want to is part of it.

    Both are all about CONTROL.

    This guy is a fault-finder and controller. He does want you, yes, but on his terms which feed his sick ego. He is in chaos internally, and believes the controlling another person, will help him feel better about himself. When you don't obey, he gets mad. When you do obey, which some women have tried, then he makes new demands...BECAUSE he must always keep you working to please him very hard, on the defensive.

    . When it doesn't work, those days he tantrums. When you cry, and are about to leave, he appologises, and makes promises...that he breaks later, EVERYTIME.

    Later in the relationship, as time increases

    (if you're not smart enought to leave before that)

    his tantrums will turn to ugly rage.

    Down the line, it will get worse and worse. He'll begin to isolate you from your frineds and family.

    How do I know?

    I told you, his behavior is CLASSIC !!!

    He's and abuser. Emotional abuse, also can grow to physical abuse in time.

    RUN AWAY !!!

    Never mind you "love" him...it's never ever going to be the kind of love you want where it makes YOU feel good in your heart with him. NEVER.

    AND ask yourself why you put up with this. Get enough sense to realize, he lied to you in the beginning. He represented himself to be more than he is. WHO he is is what you see NOW. In fact it's probably a lot worse.

    Prove it !!!... The test: by becoming LESS appeasing to his demands, and watch him tantrum each time. What do you have to lose?

    Then when you FINALLY get it in your sweet head, that this relationship is TOXIC;

    end it.

    Cry your tears, get throught the hurt NOW...

    then when you're done grieving for this relationship that can NEVER work

    ... finally go out and find someone kind and loving to LOVE YOU in the right way. Don't settle for less.

    And don't pick the same kind of guy AGAIN.

    If the new guy comes on too fast and too strong too quick...that's a red flag! Abusers work fast to get you. They chose the nicest girls, because they are easiest to control. The bitches will never put up with their crap. Take you time before you give out your heart.

    Let you new love PROVE he's kind and good, and WITHOUT TANTRUMS.

    I wish you

    <br />

    ~*♥* Love, *♥*~

    stw

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like it is time for him to grown up and give you the respect you deserve. In the first place you should not be working 12 hour shifts. After 3 1/2 years of going together the two of you should be heading for the alter or the door. The freebies should now require some responsibility on his part to look out for you. Never let a guy control you like that. The more you give them more they push . If you do not stand up and find out how he really thinks about you there can be more years wasted. Remember guys are always ready to make demands but you can replace him faster than he can replace you. Get yourself in shape and gain control of things.

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  • 1 decade ago

    On the bright side of your issue, you should be proud that you have the virtue of patience. Imagine, you've been on for more than three years already with that kind of guy. The saying Love is blind truly applies to you. Obviously your man is selfish, moody and self-centered. Did you ask yourself even just for once if he's really worth your love and attention? Whatever words or things we say, doesnt matter i think because in the end, it's still you who should decide. But I will leave with these words....learn to love yourself! :D

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  • 1 decade ago

    First: recognize why you want to treated in such a way.

    Second: lose him before he does something really serious and hurts you...physically

    Third: learn to love yourself

    Your bf is way too immature to handle any kind of conflict, you can't change him. All you can do is look out for yourself.

    Good Luck!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This guy is a total ***. You dont need anyone like that. Your never going to have a life.

    The only way you need to show him if u love him is by ur honesty anf faithfulness. You no u love him and if he doesnt beileve it then wtf dont do what he says and try to make him happier by doing things that doint make you happy. This boy sounds very controlling and may lead to being abbusive. You may not see it now but if yall get married trust me hell act even worse.. Tell him there are two choices change or BYE!!

    Source(s): experiences!
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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like your bf has serious controll issues as well as jealousy problems. I know you've been with him for quite a while but this relationship is unhealthy and you need to cut it. You obviously aren't happy and it isn't doing anything for you. You shouldn't have to feel like you are being forced to do whatever he wants and definately not like you are under his thumb.

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  • 1 decade ago

    be willing to try new things but set boundries stuff like tounge rings that last forever if you don't want to do it then don't as for being late make sure to call and tell him so he knows and for the rest its the double standard you just get stuck trying to work that out on your own adn explain how you want noone but him

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  • 1 decade ago

    baby girl, this doesn't sound like it's going good. step back and analyze the relationship, then you'll see that this is not good for you. you deserve better. it's going to be painful @ first, but you need to end it. do things you want to do.

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  • 1 decade ago

    This guy sounds like a complete as&*ole. Get out of there, i'm sure you deserve better.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Leave him. Find a real man.

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