Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

幫忙改英文作文

題目 A Roller Coaster Ride

Last Sunday,I went to a prestigious amusement park with my friends.While waiting in line for a roller coaster ride,I as well as peoele who were going to play the facility were in ecstacy and couldn\'t wait to play the facility.When I was about to play it,I chose the front line to seat in order to feel more exciting consciousness.I imagined that I was flying in the sky and all of the sadness and annoyance in my mind were thrown away behind me.To my misfortune,only I felt fainted when I finished playing the facility. Before I went home,I couldn\'t help but throwing up on the ground in the amusement park.I think I won\'t play a roller coaster ride next time in spite of playing the roller coaster ride is a good way to reduce my pressure.

拜託改詳細一點

感激不盡 ~

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  • 1 decade ago
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    Last Sunday, I went to a popular* amusement park with my friends. While waiting in line for a roller coaster ride, me and my friends as well as other people in line were estatic and could barely contain our excitements. When it is finally my turn, I decide to take the first row seat to maximise the thrill of speed.

    Stretching out my arms and screaming freely, I imagine that I am flying in the sky and all my troubles and sorrows were dissolving away with the wind. I had however, paid dearly for the brief moments of thrill as I got down from the roller coaster. Feeling really dizzy and sick, I threw up in the amusement park premises under the glaring eyes of many.

    I guess I won't be taking a roller coaster ride next time even if it is good way for me to de-pressurize.

    (For a more powerful ending you can consider: As i leave the amusement park while helding on to my friends' shoulders for support, I made a silent vow to never take the roller coaster again, even if it is the best way for me to de-stress.)

    - *prestigious 比較常用在 organisations, school reputation, brands, amusement parks or restaurants 就用 Popular or famous.

    i.e 1. citibank is a prestigious organisation.

    2. Everyone knows that harvard university is the most prestigious institution in the world.

    3. This is the famous restaurant that everyone is harping about.

    - 不要用 playing roller coaster. 應該用 taking roller coaster/ going for a roller coaster ride.

    - I 和 me 的用法 : me and my friends/ me as well as a few other people/ Jenny and I

    希望有幫到忙

    加油喔

    寫的不錯~ 多練習就可以更通順!

    Source(s): my right brain
  • 1 decade ago

    不好意思, I couldn't help noticing that you still have some errors in your corrected version.

    "I 和 me 的用法 : me and my friends/ me as well as a few other people/ Jenny and I"

    並不是這樣分的.把其他人(my friends 或Jenny)去掉,把動詞給成單數動詞,就可以看出來那個 instance 要用 "I" 還是 "me."

    2006-06-12 14:59:04 補充:

    而這裡作者用 "I" 是正確的. "I was in ecstasy," not "me was in ecstasy." 不過您改的新句很好.

    By the way, "ecstasy" 拼錯了

    第一段 "excitement" 在這裡不能加"s"

    第二段第一句的 "imagine," "was" 跟 "were" 時態要一樣. 動詞都用過去式比較順: "I imagined that I was flying in the sky and all my troubles and sorrows were dissolving away with the wind."

    2006-06-12 14:59:32 補充:

    是 "on the premises," 不是 "in the premises."

    "Organization" 平常是用 "z." 英國的拼法是用 "s," 但台灣所學的英文基本上是美式英語.

    2006-06-12 14:59:44 補充:

    Please be assured that I don't mean to disparage your essay or your correction of it at all, they are very good. I just happened on this site and felt that I should contribute my bit of knowledge. :)

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