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瓜兒 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

英文文章 幫託大家幫我看看應該怎麼改 變成更長一點 15點

It\'s dangerous to drive a motorcycle in the city,beacause the traffic is so unrest.If you drive in intersection,you have to be more and more attention.In anytime it will be dangerous.Other car maybe bump your car.So we have to obey traffic rules.Be carefully in anytime.Let dive a motorcycle become don\'t dangerous.

老師的評語是:

is not clear(not specific enough)

almost no supporting sentence

coulding sentence not enough

1 Answer

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  • 狐狸
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    First of all, you need to realize what supporting sentences and concluding sentences(conclusion)mean. Supporting sentences are used to support your main idea. The more supporting sentences you write in your articles, the better purpose you can express to the readers. You need a concluding sentence to conclude your sentence in a strong, impressive, clear, and beautiful way(expression).

    I'd write like this:

    It's dangerous to ride a motorcycle in the city beacause the traffic is so heavy. If you come at the intersection, you have to pay more and more attention to any uncertain occasion that may happen in no time. It is dangerous in the city all the time. On the streets, there are careless drivers or motorcyclists who may collide with you even you are very careful. Even we follow the traffic rules, there are still many drivers who are against the traffic regulations run through a red light while you are going with the green light. Besides, motorcyclists get hurt much more badly in an accident than car drivers because there is no protection for motorcyclists. Thus, maybe we can try the public transportations to march forward in big cities, and buses and MRT are greater, safer and more convenient choices.

    Here is your general script:

    It's dangerous to drive a motorcycle in the city,beacause the traffic is so unrest.If you drive in intersection,you have to be more and more attention.In anytime it will be dangerous.Other car maybe bump your car.So we have to obey traffic rules.Be carefully in anytime.Let dive a motorcycle become don't dangerous.

    Comparing with each other, you will find out how to make yours more proper. And I guess you are major in English, and you are having composition 1 or 2 now. My foreign teacher admires my composition proficiency to other teachers. I have been very pround of this. Hope I will be able to help you afterwards. And always feel free to correct my flaws.

    F.Y.I.

    Source(s): Myself
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