小黑黑 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 2 decades ago

可以幫我改我的作文嗎 我的考試快到了 謝謝

我都用了很多相似的字 不知道有沒有可以替換的 幫我看看

還有我的文法 謝謝

A lot of athletes and performers get very higher salaries than other vocations like doctors and teachers. In the ancient China, they did not have so high treatment while nowadays they are not only rich but also respected. There are no doubt two opposing views regarding the controversial issue, I will be analyzed in the next few paragraphs.

A large proportion of society’s population has the view that athletes and performers should get so large wages, because they are not help the society; However I disagree with this point of view. I find that the most part of the famous people are often assist needy people(poverty) and refugees in the world. For example, although the NBA players gain a lot of money, they are glad to give financial assistance in underprivileged children stay in school and provide safe places for recreational activities.

The opinion that sportsmen and performers gain money too easily is commonly supported in society. They can get more 10 million dollars from commercial advertisement. While this may be true, it is possible that they can increase the sales of products so factories are glad to give them so much money. But they must need to practice hard everyday to attract audiences. If sportsman gets hurt, they will loose their advantage to make money. So I accept to give them high salaries.

In conclusion, there has been a lot of controversial debate that sportsmen and performers whether pay them so much money. As far as I concerned, I agree that this is their authorities to get those benefits.

2 Answers

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  • 2 decades ago
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    A lot of athletes and performers get very higher salaries than other occupations like doctors or teachers. In the ancient China, they did not have high treatment while nowadays they are not only rich but also respected. There is no doubt that two opposing views regarding the controversial issue. The following is my opinions of whether athletes should get high salaries.

    A large proportion of society’s population has the view that athletes and performers shouldn’t get large wages, because they don’t help the society, however, I disagree with this point of view. I find that the most part of the famous people often assist needy people (poverty) and refugees in the world. For example, although the NBA players gain a lot of money, they are glad to give financial assistance in underprivileged children who stay in school and provide safe places for recreational activities.

    The sportsmen and performers gain money too easily; the opinion is commonly supported in society. They can get more than 10 million dollars from commercial advertisement. While this may be true, it is possible that they can increase the sales of products so that they deserved so much money from factories and companies. The unknown is that they must to practice hard everyday to attract audiences. If sportsman gets injury, they will loose their advantage of making money. According to this reason, I accept to give them high salaries.

    In conclusion, there have been a lot of controversial debates that whether sportsmen and performers should be paid so much money. As far as I concerned, I agree that this is their authorities to get those benefits.

    2006-04-16 23:07:50 補充:

    第一行的very去掉~已經有比較級了~不須要very還有~寫作時盡量少用so or too. 會偏口語

    2006-04-16 23:09:04 補充:

    你要開聯絡信箱嗎? 我可以把word檔寄給你~裡面有畫線我改了哪裡~

    2006-04-16 23:10:08 補充:

    第四行我寫錯了~是The following are my opinions of whether athletes should get high salaries.

  • 2 decades ago

    內容寫的還不錯,你只差大小寫要分請楚就可以了,還有一些字眼太突出了

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