智勉 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

請問這篇英文作文 哪裡有問題~能幫忙改一下嗎~?讓他更流暢

My name is xxx. I come from Kaohsiung, I am 20 years old, major in Management Information System, I hope to know more classmates, so I have ever worked as the second monitor in the university.

I'm the third child in my family; I have a very good relationship with my parents. My hobby is getting on internet to absorb new information and knowledge. I am curious about everything related to information. I like to ponder. I feel excited whenever I encounter challenging questions. I am not afraid of frustration which I believe will strengthen my courage and ability.

Because I have been interested in the logic respect of mathematics since childhood, I like VB course with this kind of design program of Java that the school makes, the question which the teacher publishes in the lesson, I can solve quickly, and even I can help to teach other classmates.

I wish I could improve my English, so I enter for the activity this time, I hope my English can be better and better; I think this chance is so precious that I can practice my English. Though my English is not very good, but I have a hearty heart to make great efforts to study English.

If this chance is not sure, it has no chance that I think of my old four, because my old four wants to take part in the entrance exam of the research institute, have no time to go abroad, it hopes to be can heavy to three hold the chance carefully, make university student of me margin can abundant to adopt colorful more.

Update:

My name is Zhi Mian Chen. I come from Kaohsiung, I am 20 years old, major in Management Information System, I hope to know more classmates, so I have ever worked as the second monitor in the university.

第一段 整理一下

4 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    major in Management Information System. (這裡要用句點不能用逗點)

    I have worked as a TUTOR at university(助教 = tutor)

    I'm the third child in my family(句點或逗點)

    I’m very close to my parents 取代 I have a very good relationship with my parents.

    will increase(或 improve) my courage and ability

    The logic side of mathematics has been my interest since childhood.(句點) 取代 Because I have been interested in the logic respect of mathematics since childhood

    like VB course with this kind of design program of Java that the school makes, the question which the teacher publishes in the lesson, I can solve quickly, and even I can help to teach other classmates 這一段不通順

    I like VB the programming language more than I like Java. When using VB, I could quickly resolve any questions that the teacher poses. At times I could even help other classmates.

    I wish I could improve my English, so I enter for the activity this time, I hope my English can be better and better; I think this chance is so precious that I can practice my English. Though my English is not very good, but I have a hearty heart to make great efforts to study English.

    If this chance is not sure, it has no chance that I think of my old four, because my old four wants to take part in the entrance exam of the research institute, have no time to go abroad, it hopes to be can heavy to three hold the chance carefully, make university student of me margin can abundant to adopt colorful more. 這兩段也是

    I wanted to improve my English so I participate in the activity. I do hope that my English will improve. It’s a very good opportunity to practice English and get better at it. I know I’m not good at it but I am prepared to put in every effort and am very determined to learn.

    If I couldn’t make it, than my 4th sibling has no chance. Old four 把他換成little brother或是little sister 吧. 比方說 My little brother wants to take part in the entrance exam of the research institute, but he has not got time to study abroad.

    , but he has not got time to study abroad.

    最後兩句我看不是很懂

    2006-01-13 12:36:33 補充:

    不見得....該用的字不用才奇怪呢!

  • Anonymous
    6 years ago

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  • 1 decade ago

    不要常用I作為開頭,英文會看起來高明些

  • 1 decade ago

    My name is xxx.  I come from Kaohsiung, I am 20 years old, major in Management Information System, I hope to know more classmates, so I have ever worked as the second monitor in the university. I'm the third child in my family; I have a very good relationship with my parents.  My hobby is getting on internet to absorb new information and knowledge.  I am curious about everything related to information.  I like to ponder.  I feel excited whenever I encounter challenging questions.  I am not afraid of frustration which I believe will strengthen my courage and ability. Because I have been interested in the logic respect of mathematics since childhood, I like VB course with this kind of design program of Java that the school makes, the question which the teacher publishes in the lesson, I can solve quickly, and even I can help to teach other classmates. I wish I could improve my English, so I enter for the activity this time, I hope my English can be better and better; I think this chance is so precious that I can practice my English.  Though my English is not very good, but I have a hearty heart to make great efforts to study English. If this chance is not sure, it has no chance that I think of my old four, because my old four wants to take part in the entrance exam of the research institute, have no time to go abroad, it hopes to be can heavy to three hold the chance carefully, make university student of me margin can abundant to adopt colorful more.  

    Source(s): fd6t7.
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