Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 教育與參考出國留學 · 2 decades ago

[急]請高手校訂我的英文自傳.....20點

[急]請高手校訂我的英文自傳.....20點

這幾天要交付的,麻煩幫忙找出文法、單字、語意...等的謬誤,因為這有關個人隱私,所以內容裡的一些地名、學校..等會以OOO表示(請各位見諒)。謝謝!!

以下為自傳內容:

I was born in Taiwan. I am humorous and ambitious. There are five members in my family. I was taught by my parents to be active and enthusiastic about learning. Instead of planning careers for us, my parents want us to find our own dreams and interests. My father is a OOO who has worked in OOO and now in OOO. My mother is an all-around housewife, she cooks a variety of delicacy and also she is teaching dance now. My oldest sister is waiting for her graduate school to begin next year in OOO, the other one is an undergraduate student now studying in OOO. Because of my parents’ educating philosophy, my sisters and I all have different ideals to be fulfilled.

When I was in fifth grade, my dad took the whole family with him to OOO, there I spent four years studying in OOO, then I flew back to Taiwan continuing my education in OOO as a senior high school student. During the first year, I was always the last of the class, but the setback didn’t knock me down, instead, my grade became better and better, and I finally rose to the front of the class during the last year.

Mathematics was first a miserable subject to me, I flunked it once and studied it for a second time. Because of the making up, I was gradually attracted by Math, though my grades didn’t show a significant progress afterwards. While confronted by a math question, I usually came up with a variety of solutions first, then chose the most suitable one. It reflects parts of my personality which are insightful and decisive.

Update:

最後一段

After graduated from OOO, I decided take a rest. During this period, I spent most of time strengthening my English and traveling across the country. In July, 2005, my father was committed to take over the job as a OOO of OOO in OOO, the whole family again accompanied him.

Update 2:

I first attended the university in OOO as a non-credit earning student just to learn OOO, but then I quit because I realized Language is not my interest, so I took TOEFL test in order to seek my undergraduate degree in the United States. I’m now planning to study Accounting, Economics or Statistic.

Update 3:

學校要求:

one page autobiographical statement or essay discussing a subject of interest or a personal experiences written by me.

我不知道這是不是一個很正式自傳,所以我把它大致上要求的三種方向合而唯一,我也知道我寫的不是一個正式且通順的文章...

Update 4:

上面打錯...

我不知道學校是不是要求一個很正式的自傳,

謝謝你

2 Answers

Rating
  • Anonymous
    2 decades ago
    Favorite Answer

    First, what is the purpose of your biography? I assume your biography is for applying an university in US. YNo need to include too much information about your family members. Unless these family events affect your decision of major that you want to study or your family has a very high social status, you do not need to include them.

    1. Statistics, not Statistic

    2. You should say more about why you want to study Accounting, Economics or Statistics. These three are very different areas.

    3. If you plan to apply for university, you better give a good reason for those interruption in you schooling or not mentioned it. What have you learned when you traveled around? Otherwise other people may think that you tends to wander and cannot make best use of time. Then you attend an university as a non-credit earning student and quit again. It will not give any good impression about you.

    4. What do you want to tell the others about yourself such as your personal goal, personality, the good side of your personality ... etc? What is the theme of your biography?

    5. Rework the sentence "During the first year, ... rose to the front of the class during the last year." You can say "During the first year, I was at the bottom of the class. However, this setback did not discourage me from learning. Instead, my grade improved significant through my hardwork. Last year, I became the top student in the class."

    6. "I first attended the university in OOO ... " can be rewritten as "I attended OOO university as an audit student just learn OOO. I quit because I realize Language is not my interest. I took TOEFL for apply undergraduate degree programs of Accounting, Economics, or Statistics in the United States' universities. " No need to mention you took TOEFL.

    You may need to rewrite your biography because it does not show that you a university-bound student with that kind of level of writing.

  • Anonymous
    2 decades ago

    樓上大大說的不錯~

    讀完你的自傳~

    沒什麼特別會深刻的印象

    感覺你好像只是再寫童年歷史= =

    多說些人生的目標

    還有發生過什麼事讓你有特別的省思

    或是什麼特別的人對你的人生有重大的影響

    特別的轉淚點這一類的

    還有說明你為什麼想去美國唸書

    為什麼選這間學校

    建議你多想一想~

    重寫一篇看看!!

    學校要求當然是很正式的自傳

    這是你申請入學裡要被審查的一項!!

    慎重點不會扣分只會幫你加分~

    以上是個人淺見~ 供你參考

    Source(s): 長期留學的自己
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