Anonymous
Anonymous asked in 社會與文化語言 · 2 decades ago

幫忙看我的寫作作文吧,請給我建言。謝謝(只PO了二段)

我的原文如下:請大學幫忙改改寫作,是否有什麼地方要改進,謝謝。

(Everyday Dangers)(1)There are some activities we perform each day, almost without thinking. That is where the everyday dangers lie, however, if we are not done them properly. Therefore, we should understand how it could be performed more safely to keep everyday dangers away. Do you know, however, what makes these activities maybe so dangers? There are some probable reasons to explain why these activities cause dangers and some tips for you to perform it more safely.(2)You must know take a walk first, because it is a usual case. People always take a walk after supper, take a walk to go to school, take a walk to go shopping, etc. To take a walk is so usual that people ignore that taking a walk maybe an everyday danger. If we fail to take a work properly, it is easy to cause dangers; for example, you will get a car accident when you cross a street without watching the traffic light. Therefore, you must always careful when crossing a street to avoid automobile accident. Secondly, elementary school students’ games after school may cause dangers, if they are not done it properly. Elementary school students are full of energies to play. They always run after their classmates briskly during game time. They will also throw tiny things, such as, a stone and a pen, at their friends. Those activities are easy getting hurt. Parents and teachers should tell their child behave themselves during playing, so as to prevent such dangers.Thirdly, cooking in your family may cause dangers, if you are not done it properly. We often cook through fire and electric machines. A blaze always takes place when we fail to use gas and electric machines properly. Therefore, we must watch out and be careful when cooing, for example, we should put plugs of electric machines into the different sockets.

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  • Anonymous
    2 decades ago
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    (1)There are a number of activities that we perform each day without giving a thought of safety. That is where the everyday dangers lie, if these activities are not done properly. Therefore, we should understand where are the potential risks and how to aviod them by doing things properly in order to keep everyday dangers away. Do you know what makes these activities so dangerous? There are some probable reasons to explain why these activities cause dangers and some tips for you to perform them more safely.

    (2)You must know taking a walk first since it is one of the most common things that people are doing daily. Many people like to have a stroll after supper, take a walk to go to school or stroll to do some shopping, etc. Walking is so common but some people do not realise that walking maybe an everyday danger. Taking a walk could be daugerous if we don't bear safety in mind. For example, you might get in a car accident when you cross a street without following the traffic light. Therefore, you must always be careful when crossing a street to avoid a car accident. Secondly, elementary school students play after school may be dangerous, if there is no precaution or education regarding to safety. Elementary school students are full of energy when playing. They often run after their classmates briskly during game time(free time or break). They may also throw tiny things, such as a stone or a pen, at their friends. Children are likely to get hurt from those activities. Parents and teachers should educatel their children to behave themselves when play in order to to prevent such dangers.Thirdly, cooking (at home) may be a danger, if it is not done properly. We often cook through fire and electronic equipment. A fire always takes place when we fail to operate gas and electronic machines properly. Therefore, we must watch out and be careful when cooking.

    For example, we should plug high loading equipment into different circuits.

    盡可能不要一直重複使用同一單字

    Stroll =>散步

    注意always的使用,有時說的太肯定可能不合適喔.

    Source(s): Own work
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