Anonymous asked in TravelAsia PacificJapan · 10 years ago

Japanese boys...? =/?

I've moved to Japan just recently with my God Parents, as my mother passed away a while ago. I'm American and 14, btw, if that'll help...

Anyway, I've only been here about a week, and I'm really liking it here. (I wasn't supposed to leave America until the 29th, but the flight got rescheduled.) I know there /is/ racism here- but racism is everywhere, so I'm just dealing with it. Overall, I feel like the good overweighs the bad, and I'm liking it here.

I've met some new friends... And some of those friends are boys.

And there's this one guy who I really, really get along with well.

He's really sweet, and we have a lot of things in common. I've started to like him a bit, but I know that around here, dating probably isn't so common at our age... But I'm not sure. (I'm 14, he's 15.) He acts even more shy than usual around me (and I say /more/ because I know Japanese boys are generally shy to begin with)... But I don't really know if that's because he may like me, or because I'm a foreigner.

And what bothers me, is I'm white.

I'm worried he may not like me, because I'm not a Japanese girl.

I was talking to my friend from America about how I like him a lot, and I think he's really nice and cute, and she started ranting at me about how "All Asians only like Asians" and that it's impossible that he likes me. Literally. And she's Asian.

But... I don't know, it really bothers me.

Most of the friends I've made don't care that I'm white.

But what about with dating, or crushes...? I'm not trying to speed things up, this just sort of bothers me... I don't want to have to live here for years, and never have a boy like me just because I'm from somewhere different...

I hate to generalize, but I know it is true that generally a person of one race is attracted to others of the same race. But do most Japanese boys protest to liking Caucasian girls? Or do many like them? Or maybe race doesn't matter as much as people imply?

I don't know why, but this really bothers me. :( I'd hate to think that a Japanese boy wouldn't like me just because I'm from somewhere else.


threedaypriest: You've no idea what you're talking about, do you?

The fact that I'm white doesn't bother me generally. The fact that I'm white, and apperantly it's "Lol, impossible for a Japanese to like a white person." Is what bothers me. Sorry if I didn't word it well, but really. Common sense is something you seem to lack. If I weren't caucasian, that possibility wouldn't exist, therefore yeah, it does bother me.

Oh, and who said anything about marriage? Really? We're talking dating here.

Seriously, you need to calm down. Or go away. Or something. :)

11 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Best Answer

    First off, I'm sorry for your loss.

    Foreign girls, as you've probably picked up on, are a bit of a rarity here in Japan. I'm a 27-year old American woman whose lived in Japan for about three and a half years now, and I can count on one hand the number of foreign women that I know who are still in the country. There are a lot more foreign guys here.

    We are exotic, as you've figured out. I know I get a lot of looks here. We don't quite fit in, but there are people who find us really interesting. Most of the guys I know get a lot of attention, and I know a couple of guys who've gotten married and started families here, including my neighbor down the street who has two young boys. Girls ... we have to work a bit harder at it. Guys are shy here! The dating rules are a lot different too, I think. For starters, guys don't automatically assume that they have to ask the girls out here! I haven't dated any Japanese guys, so the following is hearsay, but I think bold or outgoing girls have a better shot, because they're more likely to make the first move. I also think younger Japanese boys are a bit more open to the whole idea of dating a foreign girl. I have met girls who were off in Japanese university and had steady Japanese boyfriends, they seemed pretty serious about it when I saw then, but I don't know what happened because I haven't talked to those people in like a year.

    Based on my own experience, I think there are quite a few guys who think I am cute or attractive but just have no idea how to break the ice or do anything about it! I think Japanese boys are very shy. The problem is, I'm a bit shy too and my Japanese is horrible, so I can't say I try much.

    It is definitely, definitely possible to find love here. The culture differences and language barrier can be hard, but you can overcome it. Don't be afraid to ask your friends for thoughts or advice about dating. They'll be able to help you out a lot more than I can. xD Dating at 27 is a loooot different than dating at 14.

    Good luck!

  • Robyn
    Lv 4
    10 years ago

    Don't worry about it, just get to know him and all your other friends.

    Kids your age do sort of date here, although I don't know whether they actually do anything illegal (as sex is generally illegal before 18 in most parts of Japan.) Frankly I don't know what they do, but I thought I'd add that for future reference.

    Japanese people do date and even marry foreigners quite often actually, my hubby is Japanese, lots of people here are married to or dating a Japanese person, and many of us have kids with our partners too. Of course some might not want to date a foreigner, same as some foreigners wouldn't want to date a Japanese person, but most people in this world wait and see how they feel before making such decisions. Simply by being a nice person you'll dispel any negative notions he might have about Americans, so just be your usual friendly self and try to enjoy your life whatever happens.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    First, you are being a bit more than clueless. The boy seems to like you. You are of similar age. And the fact that you are white bothers YOU? Focus hard on this. The fact that you are Caucasian is something that is only a problem if it bothers HIM. I don't run around all day worrying about the fact that I am Caucasian. And I have some Japanese friends that most certainly give a squat about that fact either.

    Take a regular dosage of chill pills and just see what happens. I'll lay money on the fact that you'll never marry the guy anyway. People your age change their minds on a regular basis. It's this social thing called 'dating'. It's where you can kinda' check out the other person, see what happens.

    Really, it bothers you that you are Caucasian? Child, that is a bit weird.

  • Diena
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    japanese boys

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.


    Japanese boys...? =/?

    I've moved to Japan just recently with my God Parents, as my mother passed away a while ago. I'm American and 14, btw, if that'll help...

    Anyway, I've only been here about a week, and I'm really liking it here. (I wasn't supposed to leave America until the 29th, but the...

    Source(s): japanese boys:
  • 10 years ago

    I lived in Japan for 2 years and saw lots and lots of mixed couples including white girl/Japanese guy couples. Some Japanese will not date Americans, but that group is the minority.

  • Shido
    Lv 4
    10 years ago

    The credibility of whatever your "Asian" friend has got to say about the Japanese people being "Asian" and so they are all blah blah is practically zero. Japanese are Japanese. Just because they are from nearby geographical locations and are genetically close doesn't mean everything about them is the same.

    If you are pretty, you should have no problem with dating.

    Source(s): Japanese
  • 10 years ago


    i'm so glad you're having a positive experience so far... exciting, isnt it?

    and already you're talking about dating and crushes ... Good for you!

    maybe he's too shy around you because he isnt used to being around girls...he's still 15 and at an awkward age...but i suspect he likes you...and doesnt know what to say or maybe he feels more comfortable when its not one on one but when you're both with a group of friends.

    dont let your friend's comments about Asians liking only Asians bother you because it is not true...maybe she presumes that because she's Asian and doesnt or isnt allowed (by her parents) to be in a relationship with people of other races ...

    just be yourself, and boys will like you for who you are and wont care about race and stuff

    make lots of friends, have fun, and like i said when in doubt, ask.

    when in need talk to your godparents or brother and sister...

    keep us updated about whats going on...

    i'm so happy you decided to come. Have a ball!

  • 5 years ago

    Your asian "friend", if you can really consider him/her a friend, is talking nonsense. So many asian run after white and try so hard to look white lol. Put it this way, she/he is jealous.

  • 10 years ago

    Race DOES NOT matter to whoever you love/like

    If you love someone it doesn't matter if there any race, that love/like simply overrides that.

    Learn from it and don't be so nervous, he might be as nervous as you. :)

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