Yes. Because naturally, I'm good at keeping things to myself. I've become so good at it that i forgot how to relate and reconnect to the world around me. Because of this kinda 'unique yet irritating' persona of mine, it cost me a friendship for a couple of months. But then again, i had reasons behind my closed mouth - it was a very deep secret that i had to carry the burden all to myself and not say anything even to my two closest friends. When people would ask, i would certainly deny or either ignore the comments, let it pass through the other ear. But when rumors spread and the evidence was getting more and more obvious to the public eye, i had to break the silence and admit that i was among the few who knew the bitter truth. My friend found out and turned the most bitter of them all. She definitely felt betrayed by my silence and denial.
The outcome was uneventful, and pretty much devastating especially to my psychological aspect. i suffered a few hyperventilations, cried a lot alone, having all the paranoia creeping into my brain at most times and among others, these things really kept me down till i was underground. I didn't want the quarrel between me and my friend known to the public, not even to our other close friends - that's how secretive i am - that i chose not to open up nor speak about it at all. Only one was caught in between, and she was neutral..but she chose to be with her more for a lot of reasons, which was fine and sometimes, not fine by me.
We haven't spoken to each other for months, only when it's very necessary since we were all together in the same group. I always had my fears with me, one of them was losing her - which i already did - but then, i wouldn't want to really waste all of the friendship and memories that we had altogether, too.
I didn't want the public to know about the truth and lay their comments on me and especially on her, so i had chosen the option of really closing my doors and not letting any sort of information out. I wasn't able to express myself fully. If i tried to, there would be holes in it, and some people would have noticed then.
But eventually, we communicated through emails, which was all filled with hurts and all..it took a lot of time to patch things up..but gladly, we are back on track right now..much closer and much happier :D
From my experience, i have learned that each of us has the right to express freely or speak up, and as for me, i should not hinder myself just because some secret was in the way. Surely, there are secrets meant to be hidden, but then, not all of them remain as a secret forever, ayt? There will be a right time for a secret to come out, it's just the matter of finding the right timing. Well, i was just a little too late for that situation, but at least, everything went well in the end.
Really, IT IS A PAIN not being able to express yourself out in the open. It was like i was in a prison cell, prohibited to do something that would make me comfortable for once..That immersion of myself into depression was really weakening, but having been able to come out and break free made me feel alive again!
Just make sure that what you express, is expressed rightfully and properly, at the right time, at the right place, with the right people. This justifies the person's right to express himself/herself.