How can I call the police?

I got too fat, and I am stuck in my computer chair. I want to call the fire and rescue service, but my fingers are too fat to dial the buttons on my mobile phone. Instead I just seem to mash the keypad and therefore cannot dial 999. I tried calling for help, the there is too much fat in my throat. Finally, I cannot... show more I got too fat, and I am stuck in my computer chair. I want to call the fire and rescue service, but my fingers are too fat to dial the buttons on my mobile phone. Instead I just seem to mash the keypad and therefore cannot dial 999. I tried calling for help, the there is too much fat in my throat. Finally, I cannot dial with my nose or tongue because my multiple chins do not allow me to bend down, and likewise, my flabby arms stop my from lifting my phone.

So what should I do?
Update: By the way I used my fingers to type this. They are JUST small enough for a keyboard, but as you all know, mobile phone buttons are too small.
8 answers 8