Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Why does love ALWAYS blow up in my face?

I'm NOT a mean,selfish or rude person. Everyone says I'm really nice & have an awesome personality. I don't have much self confidence in my looks but get told I'm pretty.

My problem-EVERYTIME I met someone & things are going great I get comfortable with the person & my heart gets broken again..like ALWAYS. What am I doing wrong? I'm tired of trusting someone & getting **** back. I WANT love just like everyone else does.

I'm 18 years old.

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  • TC
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Hi Bumblebee,

    You sound like a really nice, decent, and honorable young lady of 18… and it’s pretty normal for teenage relationships to be short, dramatic, and unstable. Sorry!

    It’s doubtful that you’re doing anything wrong, but perhaps your expectations are a bit too high. You and those Romeos are still growing up, and your minds won’t fully mature and stabilize for several more years.

    How about if you try not to get too attached to whomever it is that you’re dating, assume it won’t work out, and just have some innocent fun together?

    Also, why would you not have confidence in your appearance? Been browsing through fashion magazines and worried that you don’t look like a super model? News Flash - none of us out here look like those people in magazines. Ever seen a candid shot of a celebrity without her make-up? She looks like an average lady... often less cute than candid shots of normal people.

    Here’s an example: http://www.flickr.com/photos/41715582@N04/

    You’ll probably find a serious BF soon enough if you don’t push too hard. However, getting a BF won’t be the end of your journey... it’ll only the beginning… especially if you do not think seriously about how you are going to deal with all of the inevitable issues that you’ll naturally be faced with.

    Perhaps a general crash course all about guys, BF's, crushes, dating, love, etc. would be helpful for you to think about while dreaming of finding your Romeo. It’s typically given to young ladies who have not even started dating yet, so some of what follows might seem like kindergarten review... but the general principles still apply and you might pick up a few tidbits of useful information.

    Bumblebee... crushes, dating, and love can be confusing... extremely confusing... for adults as well as young people. That's why it is a good idea not to start dating too early. Age 16 or 17 is typically a good age to start dating, so you’re fine there.

    Don't assume that you will marry your first crush or your first serious BF... it won't happen. The odds are literally 100-to-1 against it. Sorry!

    Young people can be pretty unpredictable, and change their minds very quickly... for no reason whatsoever. That can lead to hurt feelings and heartache. You and some guy might both agree that you like each other one day, and literally the next day either one of you could call it quits. Just remember that.

    The unpredictability and rapid changes in emotions is the main reason why pre-teen and teenage love is called a "crush". The term "crush" does not mean their feelings of love and affection aren't real... but a teen's brain won't fully mature and stabilize for several years. Serious BF/GF relationships tend to be relatively short for teens, although it's typical for teens to deny that historical fact and declare their "eternal love" for each other... and then break up shortly afterwards.

    As a decent and trusting young lady, you will need to be aware of a few of the potential hazards of dating.

    Unless they already know each other pretty well, the typical proclamations of "commitment" made in the darkness when a young girl and her Romeo are first alone together are generally worthless... so be wary of those proclamations. Commitments need to last more than one evening, and be proclaimed publicly, in front of family and friends... not in the darkness or right after their first kiss (although any proclamation made by a player is automatically invalid).

    Bumblebee, here are two major dating hazards for you to consider:

    1. There are some guys out there (the smooth players) who will tell a nice girl that he loves her, just to see how far she will let him go with her body. There are guys out there who are ready and willing to use you and your body for their own selfish pleasure... and then leave... breaking your heart in the process, and possibly leaving you pregnant... or with an STD (a nasty disease in your private parts). Hopefully, you will be mature enough when dating to recognize these losers, and say "No".

    2. You could meet a genuinely nice and decent guy, and you both really do think that you love each other. After a few weeks or months, you both might be tempted to take off your clothes together. That would be a good way to mess up both of your young lives. It's happened to a lot of nice girls and decent guys out there. Hopefully, you will be mature enough to resist this type of temptation... and the temptation can be very strong.

    The best way to avoid getting into trouble from either hazard listed above? Never be completely alone with your guy... anywhere. Not his house, not your house, not a friend's house, or anywhere else. A responsible (and awake) adult should always be nearby. You can always find a little privacy somewhere if you want to do some romantic kissing (a front porch, a dark living room...), but don't make it so private that you would be able to take your clothes off.

    Never attend a party where no adults are present... ever. Nor any events with drugs or alcohol abuse.

    Ideally, before you start dating, you need to make a conscious decision to remain a virgin until you are happily married. That means no premarital sex. Having sex too early will make you feel sad, cheap, and make it less special (same thing with kissing in case you do it too early with the wrong guy... but kissing is much less dangerous).

    OK, why no premarital sex?

    Because having sex without marriage is going outside of the laws of man and God that civilizations on this planet have lived by for thousands of years.

    Because there's the unnecessary risk of excessive heartache (any break-up will cause heartache... virgin or not... but heartache will be less if you are still a virgin... that's just the way human brains are wired).

    Because there's also the genuine danger of an unwanted Baby... or an STD.

    Because your parents would very likely be extremely disappointed.

    Because your "no sex" rule will pretty much eliminate the players, the losers, the creeps, the clods, and the selfish manipulators.

    Because it takes about a year to know a person well enough to determine if they’re marriage material… to determine if their statements and actions are consistent and honest… and adding sex too soon into that mix is like tossing sand into a finely crafted mechanical watch.

    Because guys may push for it, beg for it, and try to talk you into it... but once they get it, sex forever changes how both of you feel about each other. After sex, girls typically expect to be loved... but then the guys often no longer respect the girl and soon leaves.

    By refusing to participate in premarital sex, you'll find out pretty quickly if the guy you are dating just wants to get into your pants… or if he truly respects you, your body, your heart, your soul, your feelings, your values… and your family.

    Bumblebee, just take a look at a random selection of the questions from girls in this category... a significant number of problems here directly involve premarital sex... coupled with immaturity, foolish expectations, and invalid assumptions.

    Date nice guys who will treat you with dignity and respect while you are having innocent fun together during your youth. Trustworthy guys who would not ask you to do anything inappropriate.

    Long term, you need to find a special guy who will be honorable and be very good to you as you grow into a decent young woman. He may not be the hottest-looking guy around, but you will love him just the way he is. He should be a guy who is proud to take you home to meet his parents and his family. A guy who has earned the respect of your parents and family. A guy who will ask for your hand in marriage. A guy who is willing to stand together with you in a wedding ceremony before both of your families in church.

    Don't be afraid or embarrassed to talk to your parents or your family about dating and boy issues as you are growing up.

    You will be really happy when you are older, and you look back over your life... happy that you made the right decisions about finding, dating, and evaluating guys when you were young.

    That's pretty much the big picture for you to look at, Bumblebee.

    Take care, and God bless.

    Best wishes,

    - Charlie

    P.S. – Dr. Laura on the radio detailed a very simple instruction manual consisting of four words that will greatly increase the chances of finding and keeping a good BF/husband:

    “Choose wisely… treat kindly”.

    Both items are necessary for a happy and healthy relationship:

    1. Choosing a nice decent guy is great, but if you treat him like crap… sooner or later, he’ll leave you.

    2. It won’t matter how nicely you treat a creep… he’ll always be a creep.

    .

    Source(s): "A couple of new thoughts from Charlie's coconut... but mostly inspiration from the Bible, Dr. Laura, and cut & paste from Charlie's old answers."
    • Keeping your virginity until marriage is honourable, and safer. But, sex has its merits.
      Sex can often be an act of trust between partners. Personally, my rule is no sex until 21. If you can't drink yet, don't kink yet.
      Ultimately, the decision depends on what works for you, and your relationship.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sounds like you are trying to rush things. I have dated guys in the past that after a couple of dates they are like oh we will be together forever.

    And I am saying no we won't even go out again. You can't go out with someone a could of times or even a couple of weeks or months and already be thinking a lifelong relationship. At 18 a lot of people don't want to be tied down or in a serious one on one relationship or a relationship where they have to ask somebody else before they make any plans of their own.

    It also sounds like you "want" a relationship so badly you are willing to just settle for whomever happens to be there at the time. Don't do that.

    There is nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with being happy with your own company. You have to like yourself and be happy with who you are before you can be happy with someone else.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First of all, true love is not by looks, but by personality. Second off, you will have many bfs before the right one comes along. I've had MANY gfs and the right one just hasn't shown up yet. But don't worry, he'll show up.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Take a deep breath

    And stop looking so hard

    Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

    Love will find you

    By the wills of angels in the sky

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    give it time

  • 4 years ago

    you bellyful.

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