Why is my Fiancee so hateful towards me?

We are soon to be married, and I love her more than life itself. The good times are amazing, and thats what it is mostly. But about once a week, she seems like she decides that I need to be a target. She will cuss at me, insult me, do whatever she can to hurt me. Then, she will call one of her many male friends and talk to them for quite some time.

She always takes a few hours, then acts like nothing has happened, or says it was all my fault, which, for the sake of our relationship, I gladly take blame for though it is rarely something I have caused. She is on several medications, mostly for pain, but also for Seizures and Anti Depression (Zoloft).

I have no intention of leaving her, so please dont make that suggestion. I'm looking for women to give me some suggestions about why she might be doing this. Thanks.


I have tried talking about it, but it ends up causing another problem, and she either massively exaggerates my part, or just makes something up to make it look like I did something.

14 Answers

  • Chloe
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Why is she doing this? Because she can and she is mentally unbalanced. Get a clue. Do you think this will change after you are married. Hell no, probably happen more often.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your fiancee clearly has unresolved issues with anger along with emotional issues, so you must be prepared to be very patient and try not to take her mood swings too personally. At times this comes from abuse she may of suffered at a earlier date, but not always. I am not a woman, but I also suffer from depression. The pain she feels is a common cause of mood swings. When people feel bad, many will tend to lash out even though you did no mean to hurt her feelings. Given time and the right medications, she may begin to feel better. The source of her anger has to be explored, if a trauma to her was experienced by her in some time in her past. She has a good person at her side, just be patient and support her in this time of trial. Just do not forget to take care of yourself. Don't lose yourself in the process. Her emotional pain is very severe, so learn all you can about her care and stay positive. True love never fails.

  • 1 decade ago

    Zoloft can produce mood swings and abnormal behavior but my concern is where she is turning and speaking with other men for her comfort. That is an immediate red flag for me. The first thing I think of is when I've been in relationships and my significant other has purposely started a fight in order to go about his business elsewhere. People do that. People start fights in order to manipulate what happened to have their cake and eat it too so my fear is that this is what she is doing. She is picking a fight or argument with you in order to spend time elsewhere and in the meantime making you feel like you've done something wrong or not been supportive enough. I realize that you don't think leaving is an option, but I highly recommend pre-marital counseling. What's going on will only get worse and you're worth more than that. You deserve more than that. God says so.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm not saying leave, but delay the marriage. Gently point out that once a week you seem to upset her and you are not sure what you are doing to cause it. She may not even realize that it's going on. If that doesn't work bluntly suggest that she may need her meds adjusted and that she needs to talk to her doctor. Give her time to make the adjustments, if after a while this continues, the first answer offered is more accurate. She is abusing you emotionally and if you continue to let it happen without adjustments your self esteem is too low.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I don't mean this in a bad way, but she could be Bi-Polar. It seems as though she has mood swings. Maybe you need to google Bi-Polar, and maybe just rule something out. She may even be depressed. What I would suggest is to do some premarital counseling. If you don't plan on leaving you can even say you guys are going to counseling because of you, but that's what you need to do.

    I don't mean to worry you but I say that because if you guys don't have kids one day you are going to, and you don't want "post partum" to kick in then because what ever is going on was not discovered earlier. Good luck, and I am sorry you have to go through this, but just in-case no one else says it I think that you are a very good man and a strong man for wanting to stay, just make sure you don't have any hang ups or insecurities of your own as to why you are staying.

  • 1 decade ago

    I can't say why sher is doing it, but the fact that she is on Meds may mean she has an issue that need medical attention- try talking to her when she is in a good mood about it, how it makes you feel, reassure her you aren't going anywhere- EVER and ask her to see a Dr together to have her meds reviewed- they could be interacting with each other (in fact, it sounds a bit like me on the pill!)

    Can you suggest relationship counselling? She may just be feeling stressed out & overwhelmed by the whole marriage thing and testing you out - (from memory I did a bit of that too, LOL)

    Good luck :)

  • 1 decade ago

    I hope things change or you wake up before it's too late. That's all I will say since you say you will stick with it.

    How long has the abuse gone on? Sounds as though she not only doesn't care about you but she doesn't like herself or at least her actions at all. If she truly thought it was right she wouldn't get so pissy would she? You really should look a lot deeper into the situation with your eyes open and not blindly from the heart(it's tough but it's the only way to really asses the situation) Do these"friends" call her or does she always call them? Have you talked with them? I thnk you know it isn't going to get better with time..only worse....

  • 1 decade ago

    I can honestly say that I was like her with my boyfriend. Sometimes, believe it or not, I think I'm crazy for treating him like that. I would love him so much one day, and really hate him the next. I would hate him so much some days that I had actually wished to God that I had never loved this man in the first place. But let me tell you, he was a good man and he never gave up on me. He loved me for who I am, and even when I told him one day when I was drunk that... "What if I have 2 personalities, and maybe that's why I'm treating you like this sometimes?" He said he'll still love me no matter what.

    What changed? Well, I started to realize that this guy really loves me, and I realized that I never really cherished him or appreciated the things that he did for me. And so I changed, because I don't want to lose a man like him.

    If you really love your fiance, you have to love her for who she is and accept her with all your heart. However, I'm not trying to say that what's she's doing to you is right, or that's just the way she is. One thing I've learned, is that communication is one of the keys to true love.

    Maybe SHE is the one that needs to realize that you're a good man, but you obviously just can't wait for that.

    In my opinion, I think you should talk to her about it, calm her, and tell her that you love her no matter what. But that's just my opinion.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have to admit, I really don't know how this is going to work for you. May I suggest she get good counseling from a mental health professional? It seems to me like she really needs it. My other bit of advise is, DO NOT marry her. I know you will regret it later on.

  • 1 decade ago

    that's so sad and i'm sorry to hear that. if you're really in it for the long run then maybe you should tell her the truth about it not being your fault. she needs to recognize her pattern in order to fix it. maybe she could also talk to her doctor about switching her meds. i hope everything turns out good for you.

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