Okay, if that's the case, let me explain to you what you just wrote:...
"was on my own for 21 years before i got my girlfriend. "
so that means that you sustain your daily needs for 21 yrs right? what problems, hardships, and troubles have you encountered during those years? How were you able to resolve them? how did it affect you? is that the reason why you are what you are today?
Your FUTURE will depend on TODAY and what TODAY is will be part of your PAST, you cannot change your past, because TODAY is the result of your past. So take good care of what is TODAY.
"i have never been with anyone else but i have done a lot fo stuff that upsets her. i have wanted to be a film director for a long time and used to write film scripts, they all contained realy nasty stuff like sex and rape i also had a lot of films that contained these things."
why do you want to be such? does that make you happy? do you enjoy those things? is this because how you were treated before?
being a film director how do you look at these things? Usually, directors perceived these things as an ART not PLEASURE.
Evaluate yourself bro.
"my girlfriend recenttly found these as anyone could imagine she was not happy,"
so, your girlfriend doesn't know about these things? right? that's the reason why she was not happy. Girls doesn't want their partners to hide to them. Let her know, ask her decisions or opinions on those things or on whatever scripts that you are writing and see how it will work out..
" i realy wrote some nasty stuff and can not belive what i used to be like, i realy hate my self for what i have done and sometimes i want to kill my self as a way of saying sorry to her. non of the things i wrote ment anything they did not reflect what i wanted they were just scripts. i have told her that i love her more than anything, to me she is the most perfect person in the world and i can not bear to loose her i have waited for some one like her all my life and i do not know how i can apologise enough to her for the things that i have done, "
That's a very crazy idea but yeah, i do know how you feel. I was once on the edge of doing a crazy thing like that but something crossed my mind, a voice, told me that I am precious because I am His son. Sometimes things doesn't happen the way we wanted them to but as i have said before, what you are now is the result of your past. So, if you really want her badly, be sincere, ask her why, what are the things that will hurt her, talk about your similarities and differences, your likes and dislikes. Show her EVERYDAY how much you love her and how thankful you are on having her, don't forget to pray also and ask for His Guidance. You know what I mean right.
You have to make a choice if you really love her and want to make her happy, if it cannot help on your relationship you being a film director, then your career should be placed in history already. Well, if you want you can change your theme, besides you just want to be a FILM DIRECTOR not a PORN DIRECTOR right?
"i wish that i could change everything that hapend up to meating her but i can not. help"
LAST, you cannot CHANGE your past because TIME MACHINES only lives in the remotest regions of human fantasies. But, one thing is for sure, you can CREATE your past by making every minute of your PRESENT significant.
Hope this answer reaches you in time before you hurt yourself, cheer up bro and if you have questions, just ask me: my email address is: firstname.lastname@example.org
GOD BLESS YOU
· 1 decade ago