I feel like my mom is being irresponsible... or am I just a spoiled brat?

After years of sadness and being emotionally tortured by my birth father, my mom met this wonderful man (genuinely a great guy, and I approve). They are really happy and he just moved in with us. I'm really happy for my mom but I feel like she's not taking responsibility of being a mother.

Since I was born, my grandmother has always done the "raising the kids up" part... almost every meal I ate was cooked by her, every morning she wakes me up for school, she does the laundry, washes the dishes etc.

I'm 17 now. I know my mom works hard to make money to take care of us financially and all, so I've always sucked up that fact that I have to be more independent than most kids. I always had to make all the phone calls myself, e-mail people myself, schedule appointments myself, sign up/apply for things myself. Basically all my mom wants to do is sign her name on whatever cheques/waivers are necessary and she really doesn't care when or how its done as long as I get it done. Again, I suck it up because I feel bad for my mom- I feel like I should do whatever I can to make her life easier. It's really frustrating for me though, sometimes I just wish I had someone who would do the adult stuff for me. Like my friends parents'... they research university information for their kids, they make sure the fridge is well stocked, they care about what they are doing in school, register for extracurriculars for them etc. All those little details that make their lives so much easier.

Now that she met this guy who's financially well-off and genuinely loves her and is willing to take care of us, my mom is being different. She's happy and I'm so glad that she is... honestly! No one deserves what she went through with my birthfather. But here are some things that have been ticking me off...

1) She's making me read through the legal "name change" procedures/documents/application and tell her what she needs to do. I don't know if she's lazy, or doesn't have time-- I don't know. But I hate all this adult documentation and legal stuff. It says right on the form what she needs so I don't know why I have to hold her hand and tell her everything step by step. She's not stupid. My mom is actually smart.

2) Last night the family was playing on the wii and I told her I wanted to do the laundry and because I didn't have enough to fill a "light colored" load, I asked her if she had anything she wanted to wash. She just brushes me off and I got annoyed. She tells me not to get mad because it looks bad in front of my new "dad', and that it's not a big deal if it's not a full load. Then today she just texted me to wash the rest of the dark clothes...

3) I'm getting student loans and even wanted me to help her fill in HER part of the application. Well, I didn't. I created her account and stuff and even went to the webpage of the application and basically had to ask her over and over until she finally sat down to fill it out. We also have to mail it to the head office, and she's making me do that too. She's telling me to walk to the post office and mail it myself.

4) I told her I was planning to get some exercise clothes this weekend and she told me not to spend any money if I didn't have to. I understand she wants to save money because we are in debt. But honestly, I feel like my finances are separate from hers... if I have a job and such and I wanted to go do a little shopping, SHOULDN'T I BE ALLOWED TO? Especially after doing to well in school, winning some small scholarships and various awards... I feel that I deserve this. Why is she stopping me? Anyways, I told her that I had my own money and I was going to spend it.

I'm just really annoyed right now. I'm not a mom, and I don't understand what she's thinking- but I'm torn. I want to feel sorry for her, but I just can't right now. I feel like I've been oppressed.

Update:

I'm not going to tell her because it might hurt her. And quite frankly, I rather continue to suck it up than to make her sad.

All I'm asking is, am I being selfish, or do I have a right to be frustrated? That's ALL I want to know.

3 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Best Answer

    a little of both i should say. She's done lots for you these years, and she starting to let you be more independent because you'll deal with this later in life, if i were you, id just do as she asked. But on the other hand, she's become a little too enthused with her new man and is kinda shoving you off. if i were you i would tell her that i feel like i'm being pushed aside now that hes in the picture, and not that she should ditch him for me, but to treat me as she always has.

  • Cyn
    Lv 5
    8 years ago

    I don't blame you for being frustrated. Just do what she asks and perhaps gently ask if you could spend some time with her out of the house (so you won't be hanging around doing laundry and other stuff you mentioned.) It might be refreshing to get out of the environment that has you both kind of flustered. Stick it out as best you can--you'll be in college soon. Good luck!

  • 8 years ago

    Be thankful for what you have! Suck it up and when you turn 18 you can just move out if she's that miserable!

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