There's no reason why he should be sending gifts to an ex-girlfriend.
It's also very telling that you are insisting on a long engagement. Why aren't you ready to marry him now? Why did you even get engaged if you're not yet ready to get married? If you truly love and trust him enough to get...
Best answer: There's no reason why he should be sending gifts to an ex-girlfriend.
It's also very telling that you are insisting on a long engagement. Why aren't you ready to marry him now? Why did you even get engaged if you're not yet ready to get married? If you truly love and trust him enough to get married, then hypothetically you should be willing to run to the courthouse or Vegas this week and do it. What's making you hesitate? Is it because he's a liar? If so, why on earth haven't you broken the engagement?
"I know he had once sent her a birthday card a year earlier before we were engaged and when I questioned it, he made up all sorts of stories before he finally came clean."
Consider the fact that he didn't tell you about this - you found out on your own. And then he lied to you repeatedly once you found out. And then he "came clean" only because you kept questioning him (and I will bet you a million dollars that he's STILL not telling you the whole story).
"It''s not that I am jealous, it's not low self-esteem."
No, it's that you have a shady-aasss fiance who keeps lying to you. And, yeah, it's probably some low self-esteem too, if you believe that the best you can do in life is a liar who's probably cheating/going to cheat on you. He's not the only man on earth, dear, and I truly doubt that he's got a magic dddiiiiick that makes his lying and cheating worthwhile once you jump into the sack with him. You can do better, I promise you.
Face facts. He's not over her, he's probably going to cheat on you with her or someone else (assuming he hasn't done so already),and he's never going to be honest with you. If you're stupid enough to marry this loser, then you're going to spend your entire marriage wondering what he's up to, constantly checking up on him, dealing with his CONSTANT lies to you, and you're probably going to uncover an affair very early into the marriage (if not with this chick, then with someone else ... because it's not about this girl, it's about your dirtbag fiance not being able to be loyal).
And if you're REALLY stupid and allow him to get you pregnant and have his baby, then you are stick with him FOREVER. So if you insist on marrying him, then at least be smart enough not to breed with him.
If you're smart, you'll give back the ring and end this farce of an engagement, and take some time for yourself (maybe in therapy) before you find another man. Someone who can be honest and loyal. They're out there - you don't need to settle for a lying cheater.
Marriage will not change him. A baby or two will not change him. Your love and patience will not change him. He is showing you, loud and clear, that he is a liar and probably a cheater. Why don't you believe him???
But if you want to stay with this guy, go right ahead, but don't complain when he keeps lying to you and when you find out he keeps sticking his diiiiiccck in other women. Don't say you weren't warned. If you ignore all these signs and marry him anyway then it's your own damn fault if you wind up unhappy.
The signs are all there. You KNOW he's no good. DUMP HIM.
ETA: "Yes, it's complicated because of my emotions involved with this person."
Look, nobody's telling you that you need to magically stop loving him. But you also need to realize that love alone is not going to fix huge problems like this. Marriage is about trust, communication, and respect ... none of which he is giving you. You can love him all you want, and he might very well love you back, but he sure as hell doesn't respect you if he's messing around behind your back like this, and lying to you all the time.
You can break up with someone even when you still love them.
The point of marriage is to spend your life with someone who is compatible with you, AND whom you love and want to be with. An incompatible marriage won't work, even if you both love each other. Even if both of you are honest and never put a foot wrong. If you're not compatible then things aren't going to work out ... add lying and dishonesty and possible cheating to that mix, and it's ABSOLUTELY not going to work out.
It's none of your business why your friends/neighbors have stayed in bad relationships. Adults have their own choices in life, and these are the choices they've made. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
If you want a happy life, then you need to break the engagement, end it once and for all with this guy, and get into therapy to fix your own emotional issues.
If you want to marry him, go ahead, but you are not going to be happy. You're not even down the aisle yet and you're ALREADY unhappy ... it's only going to get worse from here. A wedding ring won't magically change him, and neither will a baby, remember that. (And with a baby, you're basically trapped. Even if you leave him, you're still tied to him FOREVER.)