Last night my boyfriend and I were out at a bar for new year's. I got a little drunk (3 drinks), and then the bar gave out free champagne for the midnight countdown. About 5 minutes before midnight my boyfriend decided to go to the bathroom, and he said he'd be quick, so I waited outside the bathroom for him to make sure we'd be together to kiss at midnight. When he came out, we still had a couple minutes left, went and joined back up with the other people we were with, and did the countdown. We all cheersed at midnight and then instead of kissing me, he turned around and started talking to this wrinkly old lady. I looked around and everyone else was kissing, but right in front of me, my boyfriend had his back in my face. So i poked him in the back and he turned around and I was like.. you're supposed to kiss me! So he did, but in a really exaggerated silly way. So I got upset. I don't think I'm a stupid girl, but getting a kiss at midnight on new year's is really important to me for some reason. All he kept saying was "come on, let's not make this a big deal." We left the bar and I told him outside that it was really important to me and it seems he doesn't care, and he was like "I didn't know you were so into appearances, this really changes my opinion of you!" -- as if I only wanted a kiss for the appearance? So I left him on the street and got a ride home with my sister. We were only a few blocks from our house (my boyfriend and I live together), and he walked home. When he got home, I was sitting outside our apartment in the hallway because I was locked out. He kept saying he wouldn't talk to me until I was sober, but I really didn't feel that drunk. We started arguing and I kept saying that I'm allowed to care about something and he should care that it's important to me, and it seems he doesn't care about me. He said "it's true, I don't care about you as much as you want me to" and I completely lost my temper and punched him in the stomach. I guess I punched him in the balls by accident and he kicked me back (he was sitting down), and I started punching him in the face and he pushed me away and ripped my shirt. It got really bad. I don't have any injuries except for the ripped shirt, but he had a scratch on his neck that was bleeding. I have also hit him twice before when I was drunk, but never this bad, and he never really got mad at me for it. I have never hit anyone else before or had so much anger.. why am I becoming like this??
He and I have been under a lot of stress lately, he only had 1 day off of work for the entire month of December through xmas eve, then we spent the holidays with my family who don't really treat him with much respect. We love each other a lot, but are always so stressed out together. You can read my last question from a few months ago if you want some history. I feel that it was mostly my fault that it got so bad, and he has had a bad/stressful holiday due to my family, but also I think he is right that he doesn't care about me as much as I want him to. I try so hard all the time to be reasonable and fair with him, I buy him things all the time (for example, before we went out, I got $80 out of the atm and gave him $40 to have for the night), his life has been a mess and I have dedicated the last 1.5 years of my life trying to help him get on his feet because I love him so much. I let him live in my room without paying rent for 11 months, then I bought us a car (he paid for a little of it, but I paid for over 2/3 of it and all the insurance), and I moved across the country with him so he could get a fresh start. He has been working hard, and I love him, but this is crazy. I am so confused. He is sleeping in the guest room right now and I just want things to be good when he wakes up, but I think he'll be upset with me cuz of the scratch on his neck. It's the first day of a new year. Last year was so hard. What should I do?