ACE Certified Personal Trainer - http://www.acefitness.org NSCA-CPT - http://www.nsca-cc.org/nsca-cpt/about.html Most of my life was spent living in foster care. I aged out and was not adopted. I try to offer hope and advise the best I can to others that are either in care, aged out, or have recently emancipated. Come away, O human child! To the waters and the wild With a faery, hand in hand, For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand. -- William Butler Yeats
I'm really in a quandary at the moment and was hoping some of you could offer some advise or at least an outside perspective. To be honest, i was very reluctant to even post this as I don't want to seem like some overly-emotional drama queen.
But here it is-
The other day I got a 8 page letter in the mail from my mother. I'm not sure how she tracked down my mailing address...but she did nonetheless. For those that don't know me from Y! Answers, Long story short, I grew up in foster care because of her. She was a drug addict who funded her addiction with prostitution, being a stripper, and drug dealing. I am the result of her occupation, not the result of a loving relationship. I was TPR'd from her when i was 10 yrs old. (11 years ago) And I haven't heard from her once during that time. The contact I had beforehand was rare. Couple times a year at best. The occasional visit, empty promises, etc.
So now, she writes me this long hand written letter about how sorry she is and wants to mend our broken relationship, blah blah blah. To be honest, my first instinct was to tear up the letter and just toss it. I've always said that if that witch showed up at my doorstep I'd slam the door in her face. I haven't lost that bitterness. Not even now. She's not my mother. She never was and never will be. But she concluded the letter by saying she would completely understand if I didn't reply. There was nothing in her letter that was demanding or intrusive, or even offering up the excuses that I was expecting. I actually think she may be feeling regret or shame. But... i can't be sure.
So now i have an opportunity and I'm not sure i want to pass it up. I can write back. I can share my honest feelings, OR I can keep things positive and tell her that am doing well and that am successful (despite her), OR I can rip into her heart with all the ugly thought's I've saved up over the years and spend years and years in therapy trying to let go, OR I could be dismissive & passive but courteous. Or - i could just go with my first reaction. Tear it up, and move on.
A big part of me really doesn't want to open up those old wounds. An equally big part of me wants blood. But a very very small sliver... actually wants to know how she is and what became of her. And now I'm just stuck. It's like getting a tiny wooden splinter underneath my fingernail; It will nag at me everyday and I know i won't feel any relief until it gets removed.
The big question I asked myself is "do i want her to be part of my life". The answer to that is a very stead-fast No! But that doesn't remove the splinter. And it's beginning to hurt.
I need advice.
Thanks.12 AnswersAdoption9 years ago
Cutting to the chase: I have issues with social anxieties and clinical depression. I've battled them for years and years. Sometimes weeks or months can go by without a single negative thought. Then, something rather insignificant happens and I can almost feel myself sliding back down my mental health ladder all over again. This morning, I'm having those feelings again. And the long weekend is making me even more anxious.
Are there any "tricks" you know of that helps reduce this descent. Does something specific help 'snap' you out of it? I'm really looking for answers from those that actually understand these feelings, but i'd be grateful to most any suggestions.2 AnswersMental Health9 years ago
I see this in the news all the time... protesters massing against NATO or G6 or G8 meetings. As if..their voices, complaints, or objections are heard or even matter? Do they honestly think that a diplomat will change course because enough people are yelling and waving pithy signs 1/4 mile away?
From what I understand, NATO isn't a government, nor is it representative of the people. It's representatives of the various governments that make up NATO. The "people" have never had any say - nor direct influence whatsoever. If they want that, they need to convince their own country leaders. And... good luck with that too!
So why do they do it?? The only people that hear the chants and read the signs are the Police and media... neither of whom care either.
It seems to me like it's a massive waste of time and effort - AND it costs the host city millions in added Police and others measures to protect the delegates and the protesters alike. And for what? So whacko political know-it-all's can chant "hell no...we wont go?"
Personally I'd rather see that money and effort go towards something a bit more productive.3 AnswersCivic Participation9 years ago
Hi - i have a older Dell netbook running windows XP. I keep having a problem with the wireless network. For the last 2 or 3 months when I turn on the computer, it never recognizes or connects to the network automatically. I have to go to "View available networks" (it see's nothing), then advanced settings, then click the tab to wireless networks, then select the defined network in the option box, click properties -- don't change anything -- then click OK. When the window closes it will see the network and automatically login and then everything is fine. It's setup to connect automatically when the network is in range - but it never does. And when it does connect, the signal strength says either Very good or Excellent.
How can I avoid doing this process every time I start the computer? It seems like the network adapter isn't starting up with the computer as it should and going through that whole process above gives the adapter a kick in the butt - so to speak. :)
Any ideas?2 AnswersComputer Networking9 years ago
Maybe it's just me, but I always felt uneasy about accepting answers from men (and more specifically - teenage boys) regarding very feminine questions. (periods/spotting/breast development/discharge etc). It's not that the answers are wrong. I've seen some that were very good.
But even great answers doesn't change my feeling of "Why is there a guy in the ladies locker room??".7 AnswersWomen's Health9 years ago
1995 Dodge Intrepid ES.
It runs great, very well maintained by a friend who is a master mechanic. Today I went to the store (10 mins away) and it over-heated during that short trip. I first noticed something was wrong because the heater wouldn't warm up at all.
When i opened the hood, the coolant bottle was completely empty.
I bought a jug of 50:50 mix at the store (since i was there anyway), and allowed the engine to cool for about 30 minutes before adding. It sucked up the entire jug! So I bought another gallon..And it sucked in 1/2 of that too! I opened that bleeder thing to bleed the air out and added a little more coolant when i got home.
I have NO smoke (blue or white) coming out of the exhaust, and No puddles where I normal park.
So....where does the coolant go in a sealed system???5 AnswersMaintenance & Repairs9 years ago
The Virginia Senate voted 22-18 on Thursday to approve a bill that would allow private adoption and foster care agencies to deny placement of children based on religious or moral beliefs, including disapproval of homosexuality.
As im reading this - it basically says to me that anyone seeking to adopt or foster a child must pass a "moral code" (that can be written by the agencies themselves) and which appears to be directly associated to conservatives and Christianity - and not be liable claims of prejudiced, racial, or homophobic thinking - while STILL getting state funding.
Would this make atheist families completely ineligible now?
I wonder if the Senators understand that the vast majority of abuse cases come from of highly-religious families? Is foster care in VA about protecting kids - or promoting a religious agenda?3 AnswersAdoption9 years ago
If yes, Why? What qualities or added-value do international children have that domestic children lack?
If the COST for either private-domestic or private-international adoption were equal, would that change the answers to the above question?3 AnswersAdoption9 years ago
This has been bothering me for awhile now. I try to answer questions or provide opinions within the parenting section (when the question asks for an opinion) the best I can. I often re-read my reply, edit, add detail, try to find authoritative articles, etc to support my answer. But I always seem to get pounded by TD's immediately, I hardly ever get BA within this category, and I even rude emails telling me to "mind my own business". WTH?
I need Honest feedback. (harsh is OK too). What am I doing wrong??? Are my answers really that bad? Are my replies offensive? Obnoxious? Over-opinionated? What can I do to make my answers better, and more worthy of someone's vote? I really want to do better, but I'm at a loss as to how I can.
Can someone help me? Pretty please?7 AnswersParenting9 years ago
I was small-talking with a guy who works in the same building as myself about hobbies and things we enjoy. He's an "Anime" fan. When he said it, I said: "So.. you like cartoons?" He got really defensive about it. "It's not a cartoon..it's Anime! You need to learn the difference!"
So i'm asking here -- what's the difference between "Anime" and a cartoon? It seems to me that "anime" just sounds more mature (somehow). But it's still just a flippin cartoon -- right?20 AnswersComics & Animation9 years ago
I don't celebrate Christmas myself, but i think it's rude for businesses not to think of their employees. What do you think?6 AnswersPolls & Surveys9 years ago
Some tings jest gots to be told yo.
Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good
The tube socks was hung on the window sill
and we all had smiles up on our grill
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib
in the back bedroom cuz that's how we live
and moms in her do-rag and me with my nine
had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas'
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's--
I yelled to my lady, Yo peep this!
She said, Stop frontin just mind yo' bidness
I said, for real doe, come check dis out
We weren't even buggin, no worries, no doubt
Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a sleigh
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat
I said, Yo red Dawg, you all that!
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make some noise!
To the top of the projects and across the strip mall,
We gots ta go, I got a booty call!"
He pulled up his ride on the top a da roof
and sippin on a 40, he busted a move
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo ain't got no stack!"
he said, "Damn homie, deese projects is wack!
But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small tings
a credit card, a knife, and a bobby pin.
he slid down the fire escape smoove as a cat
and busted the window with a b-ball bat
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
he said,"You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold
His sneaks was Puma and they was 5 years old
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his god toof
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome
To tap that booty waitin at home
and all I heard as he cruised outta sight
was a loud and hearty.....
"WEEESST SIIIIDE!!!!!!!"3 AnswersAdolescent9 years ago
With the holiday season, there are lots of articles and talk radio topics about forgiving others no matter what they did. To me this is just "Easy to say".
But it made me think.
If someone did you a great wrong during your life, does it require compassion for that person in order to forgive them for that wrong-doing? Are both dependent on each other?
BQ: Who have you forgiven?8 AnswersParenting9 years ago
With the current outage of the Y! news comment box, and all the seeming outrage from people missing this feature - I'm curious what value these have for you.
I have participated in them in the past but have since stopped. They just seem to be an area to posts rants, insults, and generally UN-useful information. Why is commenting important too you when few will read the comment, OR take it seriously???1 AnswerOther - Yahoo Products9 years ago
This is SO Annoying! I can't find what is allowing spammers access to my email!!
I login to my Y! email, and i see a delivery failure notice from a spam message that looks to be sent by me. (it wasnt!)
In the last month:
- I have changed my password
- I have scanned my PC with malwarebytes, and MSSE ( i do this DAILY)
- I have deleted ALL my contacts
- I have deleted ALL my incoming email
- I now deleted the contents of my "sent" email folder.
But what I need to know is HOW they do it?? And WHAT I need to look for on my PC.1 AnswerAbuse and Spam9 years ago
I just read this disturbing story about kids in foster care being 'used' to test certain medications. Do foster parents play any role in this decision, or are they bound to 'follow directions' as mandated by the case worker?5 AnswersAdoption9 years ago
What would you do with your winnings?
For me, I would keep 5 million, and the rest would go into a foundation in my name to help fund intermural athletics, and provide academic scholarships to current and former foster youth.
You?14 AnswersParenting9 years ago
Hi. This morning I cleared my FF 7.02 history, selecting the "everything" option. Since then, I can't login to anything that requries a secure connection. I get:
An error occurred during a connection to login.yahoo.com.
Peer's certificate has an invalid signature.
(Error code: sec_error_bad_signature)
I'm completely lost -- this same error for ANYTHING. Ebay, Yahoo, Google, Amazon -- they all fail. Even "Firefox sync" fails with "unknown error".3 AnswersOther - Internet9 years ago