For a long time now I have been depressed and alone, I have friends but I don't really go out. Being in social situations makes me uncomfortable because I have nothing to say because I don't go out. I understand that changes have to come from my own will but I just can't, I'm 20 years old I'm broke and I work so much and so hard for these bills with no help at all. I have no money to even buy clothes and no money to go out. When co workers invite me for a drink or to just chill I just freak out inside. Normally I'm cheerful, fun and hilarious to be around but I'm afraid that when I get invited I'll be quiet and a grump and nobody likes that.
I don't know what to do I'm scared of spending money and I'm afraid of being in social situations, I'm even afraid of looking for a new better job because this retail ish just isn't cutting it and I'm getting less and less hours. I have no motivation, no drive no will. I can't even get a girlfriend and I'm not even an unattractive person and have actually been complimented on my style and looks. And I know this may all seem self centered but I just want to stop waking up every morning hoping I'll die on my way to work or that the junk food I'll eat will kill me because walking around with a smile on my face everyday pretending I'm happy is just killing me slowly. I just want some help, some guidance I feel so stagnated I have no friends in school considering my school is so bad and literally nobody stays around to hang out they all just commute back home. I'm not even a bad person I do my best to be kind to others and I know for a fact I'm kind and loyal person I just don't understand how I ended up like this. None of my co workers can even believe I have never had a girlfriend.
I feel like my life is in shambles and I have no way to vent to besides playing video games all day long please help :(